We sneak into the end of our row, and people definitely notice. Glances, stares, and phones are pointed in my direction – a few people even let out a cry – before the front of house staff tell the audience their mobile devices must be turned off for the performance, and the lights go down.
I lean over and whisper in Luc’s ear. ‘I’m really sorry.’
He reaches across the arm rest between us and rests his hand on my leg, the warmth from his hand seeping through the fabric of my dress. My body responds by angling myself closer to him and I put my hand on top of his. He kisses my temple, and I lean my head on his shoulder.
Let’s put on a show in the darkness, when people will think we don’t think they’re watching.
The show is beautiful, but I can’t concentrate. I can’t focus. All I can think about is how we’re going to get out of here afterwards, and how I’ll get through the interval. Will I have to disappear? Will someone come to get me and take me back into the safe room we waited in?
I should want to meet people – they’re the people who got me to where I am today. And I do. But I don’t want to detract from the amazing performers on stage who have worked so hard to be in this show. I don’t want to steal their limelight.
Well, Colin-From-The-Label needed more public, and he certainly got it.
I’m a sitting duck in a holding pen.
The interval rolls around and before the safety curtain is even fully down, the young woman behind me has tapped me on the shoulder. I turn around and greet her with my best smile. She seems to exhale at the mere fact I responded.
‘Hi,’ she beams. ‘I’m Anastasia, and I don’t want todisturb your evening, but I just had to tell you I’m a huge fan.’ She’s talking quickly, trying to get all her words in before anyone tries to stop her. ‘You meant a lot to me growing up and you were like… the light in such a dark time for me.’
‘Thank you so much for saying that, Anastasia,’ I reply politely.
Alarm bells ring in my head. I need to get out of here.
I look at Luc, subtly widening my eyes, before turning back to Anastasia. ‘Are you enjoying the show?’
‘It’s one of my favourites,’ she tells me. ‘I’ve seen it a few times. We did our own production at school and I…’ I’m smiling and nodding at her, but I can’t focus on what she’s saying. Maybe it’s better if I hide in the toilet for the length of the interval? I don’t even know how long intervals last these days.
Luc’s eyes land on the wall opposite us, and I turn around to see a line of people all smiling at me. I look for the ice cream seller.
Nowhere to be seen.
‘Are they–’
‘I think so.’
‘Luc–’
‘I know.’
I need to get out of this theatre. The walls are closing in. The aisle seat seemed easy enough for me to slip into, but it leaves me vulnerable. I want to grab Luc and run to find the car. To jump in and disappear into the night.
But I can’t leave halfway through the show. The papers tomorrow would print how it must be terrible because Sienna Martin couldn’t stick it out. Or they’d comment on how rude I am. Maybe I can pull a sickie and get someone to take me into the room we were in before, and then I can sneak out the stage door just before closing, before the crowds gather outside? Get Jess to tell the papers I was taken ill?
It seems like the most sensible option. But how do I make this plan happen without Luc leaving my side?
Dennis, who is watching us from the wall where the queue is formed, makes a quick gesture with his head. Luc nods and takes my hand.
‘We’ll be back,’ he tells the queue of people, and then he takes me through the door that we came through. The member of staff guarding the door immediately lets us through.
Luc stands with his back against the door to make sure that no one follows us. Although I’m almost certain that Dennis is now on the other side.
‘I’m so sorry,’ Luc tells me.
‘No, I’m sorry.’ I gasp for breath. ‘It’s my– I chose this chaotic life. You didn’t.’ I catch sight of his hands and realise they are still holding mine, both enveloped in his while he leans his entire weight against the door.
He pulls me in. ‘I said yes for a reason, Sienna.’
I open my mouth to speak before realising I don’t know what to say.
