I don’t reply.
‘What ground rules did you set then?’ Jess continues.
I try to remember back to exactly what they were, but the whole evening, Luc’s hand on mine in the back of the car, the way I didn’t pull back straight away, is blurring in my mind. ‘No heavy PDA, no being spotted with other potential romantic partners, and our close friends and family have to know it’s not real.’
‘Sensible. Break-up date?’
‘Mimi didn’t advise either way, so Luc and I agreed to the beginning of the tour.’
‘Is that enough time?’ Jess asks. ‘Not saying we need to change it, but for Mimi’s plan… is five months long enough?’
The social media comments from this morning about how I’ll have someone new next week and they’ll believe Luc and I are going to last when they see it flash through my mind.
‘It’ll be my longest ever,’ I shrug. ‘Things don’t work out sometimes.’ A pause. ‘Or most of the time, if you’re me.’
‘Don’t be silly,’ Jess dismisses. ‘It’s hard when you have to second guess everyone’s intentions for wanting to be in your life. It’s not as simple as it is for me or… Rory.’
It’s true. I have to think about what everyone wants as soon as they come into my life. Whether they genuinely wantto make a friend, or whether there’s an ulterior motive. Like one friend from school who didn’t speak to me until her niece wanted a record deal, or a cousin who ignored me until their small business was about to be launched. Or even Xavier, who really only wanted to bolster his career to move from crime dramas into bigger budget Hollywood movies. Everyone always wants something else. It’s never just a relationship with me.
As soon as I get a whiff of someone not being completely genuine, I cut myself off. I don’t want to be used. I don’t want my feelings to be hurt. It’s why I cling so hard to my relationships from before. It’s lonely at the top. When you can count on one hand the people you trust.
I thought I would be surrounded by people who love me, millions of adoring fans a comfort blanket against the loneliness. But, actually, it only accentuates it.
People like Luc are rare.
There are messages from Mimi, Mauve and Rory at the top of my phone, but on top of those, there’s another new one. Luc.
LUC
I’ve heard from Mimi that Tom Ford is lending me a suit for Thursday?
TOM FORD?
Is this what your life is like?
SIENNA
Buckle up Lucas, it gets worse
LUC
It’s an honour to come on this life with you, Sienna Martin
A grin spreads across my face before I can stop myself.
‘What are you smiling at?’ Jess’s voice forces me to look up, to firmly plant myself back in my own living room, with a glass of wine and a million mini margaritas in the oven.
‘Nothing,’ I say defensively.
LUC
Can we agree one more rule?
SIENNA
Sure
‘Yeah, yeah, okay…’ Jess rolls her eyes, but the smile on her face lifts my heart. ‘I’ll let you keep your secrets. For now.’
