Nothing mattered.
Ant was safe.
“Oh my goddesses, she’s safe.” Ori came up beside me. “Mrs. Finnegan brought this for her.” Ori set a soft-sided carrier down.
She sat beside us, petting Ant, who was the calmest I’d seen her in a long time. “You two can stay at my place. It’ll be fun.” She slid an arm around me. I leaned into her. Houses could befixed, and things could be replaced, but friends, family, and cats were forever.
With Ori’s help and a some soothing words, I got Ant settled into her new temporary cave, then I called Bud. He was angry and worried in a ball of Bud-like confused emotion. I convinced him not to drive down. Nothing could be done until the firemen let us inside the line.
By then, Freddie and Rose had found us. “Sorrel, I’m so happy you found Ant. But your house. What can I do?” Rose asked, enveloping me in her arms.
“I don’t think they’ll let us do anything right now. We need to leave and come back when the fire is completely out. Freddie, can you drive us up to Bud’s? He’ll deal with insurance and police and whatever else needs to be done. Rose, you should come to Bud’s too. You can’t go home until this is settled.”
Rose glared at Ranth and crossed her arms. “I’m not going anywhere with him. He’s what caused this.” She waved an arm at the smoldering house.
“You’re coming with me. Until we get this figured out, we’re stronger and safer together.”
Rose uncrossed her arms and walked around the barrier. She stopped outside of it with her back to us.
“I’ll be right back,” I said. I walked around the sawhorse and then leaned against it, waiting for Rose to turn around. “Hey, you okay? I didn’t check in with you. Did Fabra…”
She turned, swiping at her eyes before stuffing the crystal she’d been fingering into her pocket. “I’m fine. I almost took her out, but she had some special energy spell thing I wasn’t expecting.” She leaned against the sawhorse beside me. I rubbed her shoulder, and she folded her arms around me in a world-eclipsing bearhug. She whispered into my hair, “Look, I knowwhat you did. I know what you’ve just lost here, and I know it was partly because of me. I’ll do whatever you need me to do because I owe you and because I love you, Sorrel, but I’m also really worried about you—and I’m angry too. You shouldn’t have done that.”
I pulled back. “Don’t be. I did what I did because I had to.”
She tilted her head. “You made a choice, but you broke your inner pact. The part of you that you keep sacred. You made a promise to your mother and your ancestors to follow your own path, and you broke it tonight messing with the earth.”
My brain exploded in angry flames, but she held up a hand before I could argue. “I know you did it for good reason, but is there ever a good reason to go against your beliefs? To alter your path? To do things you are ashamed of? Because that’s what youdid.”
I bit back the bitter reply. She was right about part of it. I’d trapped the demon under sacred ground and bound Fabra with the use of earth magic. Magic that wasn’t part of me… until the moment I used it. And now I’d done something that could never be undone. I’d tasted the earth. Shame prickled; the earth would live in me now, whether I wanted it to or not, but that still didn’t give her a right to lecture me.
I crossed my arms and then uncrossed them. “I’m not ashamed of trying to keep you safe. You mean more to me than wrong choices. You all do.” I waved a hand at the small gathering around Ant’s carrier. Tears were pricking at my eyes again as I wrapped an arm around her. “You’re my family. I literally would not be here without you. You’ve taught me stuff my mother would have if she’d been here. You’ve been my mentor and my friend. I couldn’t be what I am today without you. So yeah, I made a choice, but it was my choice to make. But you taught me that too—to own my choices. I don’t regret anything. It’s part of who I am right now, and I’m hoping that will make me strongenough to face whatever comes after this.” Tears trailed down my cheeks.
Rose grabbed me into another hug, and I sobbed on her shoulder. The loss here had to become part of my history, part of my transition to where I was now. And it was powerful. I would grow on it, but right now it hurt.
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
The Golden Gate Bridge was an orange beacon of change as Freddie drove us up Highway 101, leaving the city behind us. Crossing the Bay had snapped something in me, and the tension leaked out. Sandwiched between Rose and Ori, and with Ant safe on my lap and the back of Ranth’s head bobbing as he softly chatted with Freddie, I’d closed my eyes. I nodded off somewhere between Sausalito and River Road.
Close to Guerneville, Freddie had pulled off the main route, flicking on his high beams as the road narrowed through the forest. The smooth asphalt that wound through pine trees changed to a rougher street bordered by redwood trees as we got farther out of town.
“This pavement is low key trashed, bro.” Freddie growled as he swerved to miss another pothole.
“Are we there yet?” Ori giggled as we bumped and jostled to avoid holes.
“Almost,” I replied, squinting at the map on Freddie’s dash.
“Why would anyone want to live out here?” Freddie asked as he wrangled the car around more depressions in the pavement.
“Bud’s place is close to the compound of the intentional community where I grew up. When Bud got enough cash, he bought acres of hilltop and planted a vineyard. Back then, marijuana growing wasn’t legal, so when he met my mom, he was doing strain development on the hush-hush and growing underground. Now he has greenhouses.” I slid sideways into Ori, and Ant mewed as her carrier jolted. Ranth turned, checking on us.
“Hey there, girl, almost there,” I soothed. “That’s it, next right,” I said, pointing. Freddie turned into the driveway where the towering, forged gate blocked our path. He put his window down to reach the security box.
“Code is #7412,” I said.
Rose chortled. “Is his name really Bud Leaf?”
I chuckled. “Yeah, that was my mom’s idea. Usually new members of our community change their name. It’s a flower or a plant and a tree, animal, or bird, but Bud and Leaf really nailed Bud and his true loves. The night they decided to change his name, Mom and Bud were laughing so hard they were crying. I was probably five,” I replied as the gates swung in.
