It had been a foolish hope, Grey knew, but that did little to stem the icy tide of rejection that washed through her. Grey shook her head and pulled away from Lauren, her heart seizing painfully with the final dying beat of the hope she had allowed to bloom inside her. Grey bit her lip, growing more frustrated with herself by the second for daring to ask Lauren to stay. Of course Lauren was not going to. She had known all along that this was temporary, and she had been stupid to ever think that it might be something more. “Yeah. I know.”
“Do you?” Lauren challenged, sitting up and ducking her head to catch Grey’s eye.
“Yeah, of course,” Grey brushed her off and tried to slip out of the bed, the urge to flee and protect herself too strong to resist, but a gentle hand on her arm stopped her.
“No.” Lauren hooked a finger under Grey’s chin, lifting the brunette’s eyes to her own. She knew exactly how hard it must have been for Grey to open herself up like she just had, and she would be damned if she let Grey think that she had rejected her because she did not want her. “I don’t think you do. The idea of staying here with you is tempting—so very, very tempting—but I just can’t. Not right now, anyways.”
Grey blew out a loud breath and ran a hand through her hair. She understood where Lauren was coming from, but understanding did not make it any easier to hear. “I get it,” she said, her voice carrying none of its usual strength. She had hoped and lost, and now she was just looking to survive. “I get it, I do. I just…” She shook her head, defeat clearly written in her expression as she looked into Lauren’s muddy hazel eyes. “I don’t want to lose this.”
“Me neither,” Lauren whispered, her heart breaking as she adjusted her hold so that she was gently cradling Grey’s jaw in herhand. She smoothed her thumb over Grey’s cheek, hoping that the tender touch would provide some kind of comfort. “But, sweetie…it’s only been two weeks. I can’t possibly just walk away from everything I’ve worked so hard for because I spent the two happiest weeks of my life in the Virgin Islands with you.”
Grey turned her face into Lauren’s palm and pressed a soft kiss to the middle of it. “I know.” She sighed and looked back into Lauren’s eyes, wishing that things were different. “It just…”
“Sucks,” Lauren supplied.
“Yeah,” Grey agreed softly. She huffed a mirthless laugh and shook her head. “So what do we do now?”
“I don’t know. I guess it depends on whether or not we want to put the time in and see if this thing between us is real.”
“Do you?”
Lauren nodded. “Yeah. I do.” She finally gave in to the urge to try and kiss the frown from Grey’s lips, and her stomach fluttered hopefully at the way Grey responded to her.
They kissed slowly, sweetly, every brush of lips a silent confirmation that what they shared was something worth fighting for, and Grey let out a shaky breath when they finally broke apart. “Me too.”
“Good.” Lauren smiled sadly and nodded. “Do you think you’d be able to get up to New York any time soon to visit?”
Grey blew out a loud breath and ran a hand through her hair as she tried to picture her schedule for the next few months. “I think I have a four-day block off in early February. Nothing before that though, because it’s the high season. Those three days off we just had are rare. My charters are usually booked back-to-back.”
The idea of not seeing Grey for a couple months made Lauren’s stomach drop, but it was better than nothing. “Okay.” Lauren brushed a soft kiss across Grey’s lips. “Would you come up then?”
“In February?”
“Yeah.”
Grey nodded. “Yeah.”
CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE
LAUREN LOOKED TOWARD the western horizon that had already swallowed half of the setting sun and sighed. Her last full day aboard theVeritashad passed in exactly the same manner as the three previous days: much too quickly.
The throaty rumble of an outboard engine drew her attention toward the stern, and her breath caught at the sight of Grey expertly steering the small craft toward her. Grey was an absolute vision with her windblown hair and toned physique, and Lauren felt her heart stutter as she looked at her.
Knowing that leaving was the right decision did little to ease the ache that settled squarely in her chest, and Lauren shook her head as the urge to stay swept through her. She had been the strong one the night before, thinking rationally, doing the smart and mature thing, but it had not been easy. She had lain awake all night in the safe haven of Grey’s arms, letting her tears fall silently to her pillow as she wondered where she would find the strength to actually go back to New York.
She lifted her hand in greeting as Grey killed the dinghy’s engine and drifted toward theVeritas, and felt her stomach drop at the pained smile she got in return. The day had not been easy for either of them, and she knew that Grey was thinking the same thing she was.
Their time was almost up.
Lauren folded her arms over her chest as she watched Grey tie the dinghy’s bow line off to the cleat by the dive platform, and tried to force a small smile when Grey started up the stairs toward her. “Hey.”
“Lauren,” Grey sighed as she stepped onto the back deck. Her stomach twisted violently at the pained expression on Lauren’s face, and she shook her head as she pulled Lauren into her arms. “Come here, baby.”
The day had been long, and Grey tried to console herself with the idea that watching Lauren walk away the next morning would not be goodbye—but that did little more than take the worst of the sting away. Because no matter their promises to call, email, text, and Skype as much as possible, the fact remained that, after tomorrow, Lauren would not be aboard theVeritaswith her.
Lauren melted into Grey’s embrace, which was far gentler than any they had shared all day, and her heart broke a little bit more as she buried her face in the curve of Grey’s neck.God, I am going to miss this.
“Shh, I know.” Grey rubbed Lauren’s back gently. “It’s okay.” She blinked back her tears and leaned her cheek against the top of Lauren’s head. “It’s okay.”
