“Yeah, because I’m the one doing all the kissing here,” Grey grumbled playfully as she pulled away. She winked at Lauren and added, “If I’m not allowed to kiss you, what do you want to do?”
“I dunno.” Lauren shrugged and shot Grey a sly look. “You could always tell me a joke or something.”
Grey smiled. “You want a clean one, or a dirty one?”
Lauren laughed and shook her head. “Why am I not surprised you have a catalogue of both? I dunno, Wells, surprise me.”
“Okay…” Grey’s voice trailed off for a moment as she mentally rifled through her options, and she clapped her hands when she decided what joke she was going to tell. “There were these two whales swimming around off the coast of Japan. We’ll call them Hubby Whale and Wifey Whale.”
Lauren sniggered. “Okay.”
“Hush. So, one day, they’re swimming around, bored out of their minds, and Hubby Whale spies a whaling ship. ‘Hey,’ he says to his wife, ‘you wanna have some fun?’ Wifey Whale, used to his idiotic ideas, rolls her eyes and asks, ‘What do you have in mind?’ ‘Well,’ Hubby Whale drawls, ‘those fishermen are always messing with us—let’s go have some fun with them.’ Still not convinced, Wifey Whale says, ‘Like what?’ Hubby Whale starts giggling like an idiot and says, ‘Let’s go capsize their boat!’ Wifey rolls her eyes again. ‘Capsize their boat?’ ‘Yeah,’ he insists. ‘It’ll be easy. We just take a big breath, swim under the boat, and blow real hard. The bubbles will capsize the boat and it’ll be AWESOME!’”
“Whales say ‘awesome’, huh?” Lauren chuckled.
“These do. Now stop interrupting,” Grey admonished with a smile. “So…after going back and forth over it, Wifey Whale finally agrees to help capsize the boat. They each take a big breath, swim under the boat, and blow as hard as they can. And, sure enough, the damn thing pitches right over and all the sailors fall into the water. ‘See!’ Hubby Whale shouts victoriously, ‘It worked!’ Wifey Whale smiles and says, ‘Okay, that was kind of fun.’ ‘Told you,” Hubby says, his eyes drifting toward the sailors splashing around in the water. ‘You know…I am kind of hungry.’ ‘No,’ Wifey says immediately. ‘Just, no’. ‘But why?’ Hubby asks in the most pathetic whiney-little-kid-type voice ever. And Wifey just shakes her head and says, ‘While I have no problem blowing, I refuse to swallow seamen.’”
Lauren chuckled and shook her head. “Oh my god. I did not see that coming.”
Grey grinned. “Ba-dum-dum.”
Lauren laughed harder. “Okay, that was good.”
“Right? Kip told me that one,” Grey shared. “Your turn.”
“I don’t remember this being a quid pro quo type arrangement,” Lauren pointed out.
“Come on, Murphy,” Grey cajoled. “You gotta have one dirty joke in your repertoire.”
Lauren sighed. “Okay, I have one…but it’s not exactly dirty.”
Grey nodded. “All right. Wait—it’s not the lesbian dinosaur one, is it?”
“Um no.” Lauren shook her head. “I don’t know a dinosaur joke. It’s about a nun.”
“Well, that’s a classic start,” Grey said, nodding. “Okay, go.”
“Right.” Lauren cleared her throat. “So one day, Sister Marie Clarence, a nun from a convent in a small town in France, walks into a liquor store. The guy working the counter looks surprised tosee her in his store, and when she asks for a fifth of bourbon, he looks positively scandalized. ‘But sister,’ he says, aghast, ‘why in the world would you want the devil’s drink?’ Sister Marie Clarence looks at him and says, ‘It’s for the Mother Superior.’ ‘I don’t believe you,’ the shopkeeper says, shaking his head. ‘The good Mother would never want for poison such as this. I am going to report you to the Monsignor!’
“Sister Marie Clarence smiles her most sincere smile at the man and shakes her head. ‘I speak the truth. The Mother Superior is quite constipated, and this bourbon will help cure her of her ills.’ The shopkeeper looks properly abashed and reaches beneath the counter for a fifth of his finest bourbon. He slips it into a paper bag and hands it to the nun. ‘Of course, Sister. I apologize for doubting the strength of your faith. Here, take this to the Mother Superior.’ Sister Marie Clarence nods her thanks at the man, tucks the bag into her habit, and discreetly leaves the store.
“Later that night, when the shopkeeper is walking home after closing up for the night, he passes by the convent. There’s a large crowd gathered at the gates, so he wanders over to see what’s going on. He pushes his way through the crowd, and his eyes just about pop out of his head when he sees Sister Marie Clarence wearing nothing but her veil, dancing naked in the courtyard and singing the most bawdy bar song he had ever heard. ‘SISTER!’ the shopkeeper yells at the clearly inebriated nun. ‘What in the world are you doing? I thought that bourbon was for the Mother Superior’s constipation?’ Sister Marie Clarence turns to him and gives a little shimmy. ‘Oh, it is,’ she assures him with a grin. ‘When she sees me, she’s going to shit!’”
Grey let out a bark of laughter and clapped her hands. “Okay, seriously, that is my new favorite joke.”
“I’m glad you liked it.” Lauren smiled, obviously pleased, and cleared her throat as she looked back out over the water. Itwas still early in the day, and she was not ready to let this moment end. “So, what’s the lesbian dinosaur one?”
Grey held up a finger as she tried to get her laughter under control. Once she succeeded, she heaved a large sigh and smiled. She had not expected to spend the afternoon sitting out here telling jokes, but like everything else that happened when she was with Lauren, it just felt too right to even question. “It’s stupid, really.”
“So? It’s a joke, Grey…”
“Okay, fine.” Grey tucked her knees up to her chest and looked over at Lauren. “How about this—if you can guess the punch line, I’ll make you dinner tonight.”
Lauren grinned. “You’re on.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
“I CAN’T BELIEVE it.” Of all the dishes Grey could have messed up for the dinner she had made for Lauren, it was the rice that did her in. Not the Mahi-mahi, or the lemon, garlic, and wine reduction she had finished the fish in, but the rice. “This is so embarrassing.”
