Her skill was both her greatest pride and her condemnation.
“This has upset you. Not only do they insult you, they dishonor you,” he growled. She swore she felt the water vibrate with his voice. “I could kill him. Make it look like an accident. Stars, I could challenge him outright. Tear him limb from limb in front of everyone.”
There was no humor in his tone, but she laughed anyway. “That’s absurd. I will do what is necessary. As we both must.” Even if the very thought of letting Nikel touch her or being forced to bear his children made her want to vomit. Even if it meant losing her best friend. She was bound by duty and faction to obey. Her heart had no place in it. “Enough of that, tell me something to cheer me up. Like how ugly you must be beneath your mask.”
Kedar groaned at the old taunt. Though Vessa was as close to him as any bruvya, she didn’t hold that title or the honor that came with it. And she certainly wasn’t his mate. She would be forced to die without ever knowing what he looked like when he laughed or concentrated. Without ever knowing his smile. And something about that left an ache deep inside of her.
Vessa pushed it away like she had countless times before. “Is it really that bad, then? Are you—”
He was suddenly beside her. The darkness and the steam had concealed him. Kedar was so close that all she had to do was turn and she’d be fully pressed against him—skin to skin. His bare chest brushed against her arm as he lowered himself to whisper in her ear. “You’ll have to fight me and take it off yourself one day, Ves. Until then, would it please you to know the color of my eyes?”
“Yes,” she whispered. Her heart raced from the proximity and from the sacred knowledge she would soon possess.
“Violet,” he purred. “With golden flecks.”
“Like stars.” She said it so softly that she wasn’t even sure if he heard her.
And that deep, longing ache only grew.
Vessa could feel it even still. She rubbed her knuckles over her chest, trying to get rid of it. All these conflicting things lived within her now, pulled out of dug-up graves. Her body couldn’t understand that Kedar was both the Xaal who once told her the color of his eyes and the one who was the cause of her greatest losses. That he was both the person who had made her the happiest she’d ever been and the one responsible for every incendiary molecule within her.
Hours or minutes later, Kedar shifted to the ground. With no blanket, he merely crossed his bulking arms over his chest.
She doubted he would sleep. When they’d hunted together, he only slept occasionally; otherwise, he had kept watch while she rested. How many nights had she fallen asleep while talking to him? How many nights had they watched the skies in a companionable silence while lying near each other, never quite touching?
And how many nights had she wished they would?
Kedar turned his head, caught her stare. “The move you did to bring me down, that was new,” he murmured.
“I’ve learned a lot these last seven years without you.” Mostly, she’d learned how to pretend to forget. How to numb herself with challenging missions while exploring star systems, and by watching shows that had years’ worth of episodes. She’d learned how to survive, but barely. There was a constant fear that one day, someone would pull down the mask, rip her armor away, and expose all her broken pieces.
She planned on killing him before he could do it, though.
Chapter 9
Vessa
Even with the warming blanket wrapped around her, Vessa shivered uncontrollably in front of the fire. The storm had worsened, and the temperature dropped drastically overnight. Even Kedar had been forced to put his cloak on for extra warmth, and every once in a while, she caught a tremor going through him.
If it was cold for a Xaal…
They sat in a misery-filled silence, the wind too harsh to hear each other anyway. All Vessa could really do was stare into the flames and hope she survived this. Even daydreaming about being buns-out on a planet with four suns didn’t help.
Frost collected on the exposed stone, creating starbursts of freeze across the obsidian. Were they going to die here?
Vessa lifted her head to search for Kedar but found him directly across from her at the fire. Staring at her.
“What?”
“You are losing body heat rapidly, and the temperature in here is still dropping.”
“Thank you for pointing out the obvious,” she managed between her clacking teeth. “I really don’t know what I would do without your infinite wisdom.”
He tilted his head. “Your heart rate is already decreasing. Your breathing is slowing. Soon, you’ll stop shivering.”
“For fuck’s sake,” she declared, though it didn’t carry nearly the same bite when stuttered out. It wasn’t like she could do anything about the fucking weather and how her body reacted to it. She was as close as she could get to the fire, and unless she wanted to wrestle Kedar for his cloak, there weren't any other layers for her to put on.
“I could help. For survival.” His tone was carefully neutral.
