She started hopping one foot to the other.
“I just got the cutest image in my mind of our daughter doing that exact potty dance at two or three.” His laughter followed her down the hall.
Hawk ladled another scoop of soup into Jessie’s dish.
“This is incredible, but I’m starting to get full,” she groaned.
“Sorry. I just get excited when you’re actually feeling good enough to eat. Especially after today.”
“I know. I do, too.” He watched as she brought her spoon up to her mouth and moaned as the broth hit her tongue. “God, I think we need to add this to my ‘safe’ list.”
He nodded. Hawk had just gotten off the phone with Colt when he went to wake Jess, and he had no idea how the hell to tell her he was scared out of his mind about what had happened in the parking lot.
Because the person hadn’t stopped to make sure they were okay. There was no way it was an accident. That car had driven up on the sidewalk and would have slammed into Jess if he hadn’t gotten her out of the way in time. Hawk could still feel the way her belly pressed hard against his, and it made him sick.
“I’m sorry I slept for so long. I should have watched you make this, so I could cook it for you while you’re at work.”
He shook the memories away. “I like cooking. I don’t expect you to serve me because you’re here.”
“I can’t just sit around all day.”
“You can for the next few days. Until you get the all clear again.” She sat back in her chair, crossing her arms as she nibbled on her bottom lip, but she didn’t argue. “You’re still helping out at Lach’s shop a few times a week. And when you’re not, I figured you could get started on Bee’s nursery. We’ve got to pick out things now if we want it to be ready by the time she’s here. I know Mae still has some junk she’s storing in that room, but she said she’ll grab it and move it out to their house sometime this week. If you pick a color, I’ll paint the walls on Saturday.”
“Okay.”
“Oh, let me grab my laptop. I have some tabs open with baby furniture I thought you might like. One of the sites takes a few weeks to ship, so it’s a good time to order them now.”
Jessie’s hands were a clammy mess by the time they’d stopped looking at the bedroom furniture and moved on to all the toys, books, blankets, and clothes Hawk had apparently found time to add to the cart while she was sleeping.
Hundreds and hundreds of dollars worth. Maybe even thousands. She couldn’t see the total until she clicked ‘buy now’ and there was no way in hell she would do that. Even if everything was adorable and made her chest feel warm imagining their daughter enjoying everything. There were soft ‘my first words’ books that crinkled in a baby’s hand, rolling hedgehogs that apparently encouraged tummy time, some device that continuously shushed so that the baby could have white noise while they were out and about.
Jessie’s mind drifted back to her bank account. She hadn’t gotten a paycheck in weeks. Her car was starting to shake when she drove it, and although Lach would fix whatever was wrong with it, she’d still need to buy the parts at cost.
And what was going to happen when Hawk realized he was light years ahead of her in stability? Their fourteen-year difference never really seemed as wide as it did in that moment. She’d wanted him so fucking bad, andshe’dpursuedhim. She’d trapped him. He was now stuck with her. Stuck to someone who wasn’t sure what the hell she wanted to do with her life. To someone who, up until a few weeks ago, still lived at home with her parents. To someone who might not be able to afford formula for their child if breastfeeding didn’t work. Oh god. What if she couldn’t breastfeed?
“Jessie?” His voice pulled through the darkness, but it wastoo far away. And then she was spinning. Hawk pulled her chair away from the table, moving her seat so she was facing him, and away from the laptop. She blinked away the tears stinging her eyes, and then he was down on his knees in front of her, his eyes searching her face. But she couldn’t get the words out. God, it had been building up for weeks, but how fucking pathetic was she? Freaking out about the baby being a girl. And now, feeling so useless about providing for their baby.
How had she ever thought she’d be able to care for their child on her own? Is that what he thought? Did he know she wouldn’t be able to do it? Was that why he was being so sweet? Getting her to stay with him so he’d know his child was cared for? Because he’d be doing it. Was it possible that he didn’t trust her?
“Jess. Look at me,” he demanded. “What’s wrong?”
Hawk’s arms wrapped around her, his hand pressing her head gently into his chest. Her breaths fell out, searing pain in her chest as she tried to move air into her body. But it wasn’t working. Her lungs crushed beneath the weight of her panic.
“Sweetheart, I need you to breathe. Can you do that for me? Breathe. Our baby needs the oxygen, and so do you.” His hands danced in circles over her back as his words drew her out of her panic.
“Tell me about our baby.”
Her head slowly shook back and forth.
“Yes, Jess. Let me hear that voice I love so much. Tell me what we’re having.”
He already knew the answer to this. Why was he asking?
“G-girl.”
“That’s good. Take another breath.” His hand continued to rub a circle onto her back, while the other squeezed constant, firm pressure on her thigh. “And how far alongare you?”
“You k-know,” she whispered.
