“You’ve been really quiet since they left. Are you okay?”
Jessie’s hands covered her face and her shoulders fell. She curled in around herself, a sob filling the quiet room and Hawk’s heart nearly beat out of his chest.
“Jess? What’s wrong?” He scooped her up, settling her against his chest as he sank down on the hard hospital bed.
“I didn’t know she was a girl.”
His hand smoothed over her hair. “That’s okay.”
“No, it’s not. Ishould have known. You’ve been so sure this whole time and I thought our daughter was a boy.”
“Jessie.” Hawk’s whole chest rumbled with laughter. He couldn’t hold it in. She was so fucking adorable and perfect and god, he fucking wanted to press a kiss right to the end of her bright red nose.
“Don’t laugh at me! Don’t you dare laugh,” she scolded. “You can look at me like I’m crazy all you want, but I’m not. I should have known. I’m growing this baby. And I’ve been dreaming of this baby. It’s always been a boy.”
“I wasn’t laughing at you, I promise. I’m so sorry you’re upset about the baby being a girl.”
“Don’t say it like that,” she snapped. “I’m not upset she’s a girl. I love her so much already. But I’ve already failed her. Because I didn’t know who she was. Don’t you get it? I’m failing her.”
‘My girl’s the hardest worker I’ve ever known, Hawk. She’ll run herself right into the ground trying to make everything perfect for everyone else. And she’ll be smiling on the inside, but if something ever goes wrong, you better believe she’ll blame herself until she’s sick.’
Dolly’s words echoed through his mind. His arm curledup around her back until it rested on the side of her head. He pulled her closer, until her head was resting on his shoulder.
“You aren’t failing our baby, Jess. Get that shit out of your head right now. How the hell could you even be thinking that? I’ve watched you be sicker than any human should ever have to be, for weeks and weeks. And you know what was amazing to me? Every one of those days, I still caught you touching your belly in awe. You still talked to me with such love in your voice about the baby, and getting to this moment, and how it would be worth it to hold her in your arms.”
“I still should have known, though. You did.”
“No I didn’t.” He kissed the top of her head and squeezed his arms a little more firmly around her. “I just liked saying it was a girl to tease you. I had no clue.”
“But moms are supposed to have natural instincts about their kids. What if she comes out and she knows I messed up? What if this is a sign I won’t have that magical bond with her instantly?”
“I have no doubt there will be magic in the moment she’s born, and even though you both will have already spent months together by the time she gets here, you’re still both meeting each other for the first time. Nothing has to magically fall into place all in that first moment of her life. We are both going to mess up, probably more times than we will ever want to admit when it comes to her. But you’ve already shown what incredible, protective instincts you have when it comes to the baby. She’s so fucking lucky to have you as her mom. I’m so fucking lucky to have you as the mother of my child.” He brushed the tears from her cheeks. “No more tears, darlin’.”
“I just don’t want to let her down.” A watery laugh bubbled up between them. “I can’t believe it’s a girl.”
“She’s so beautiful, Jess. That one picture of her hand in front of her face… I’m gonna order a frame for that one. I want a copy for my desk. And we have to hang it on the fridge too.”
“Stop.” Her lip quivered and more tears flooded her eyes.
“Okay, you know what? Let’s embrace the tears. Come on. Snuggle down before they come in here with your discharge papers. You can get it all out of your system now.”
“This isn’t my fault. My hormones are all over the place and you’re being such a dreamboat. Knock it off so I can stop being a blubbering mess.” Her body didn’t fight him, though. No. Instead, her hand rested over his heart and she melted into him, the tears starting up again at an alarming rate.
“You could still make it to Washington. Maybe Seb would send back the plane? Is that too wasteful? There’s honestly no reason why you have to stay. You heard Birdie, I’m fine. The baby is fine.”
“I’m not leaving you and our daughter right now.”
Our daughter.Her stomach fluttered at the acknowledgment. They were going to have a little girl. And despite her initial freak-out, Jessie was so excited for the days she’d finally be able to hold her daughter in her arms.
That excitement didn’t negate the guilt she felt for messing up Hawk’s work trip, though. And no matter how much she tried to push it down, the anxiety of not being able to hold things together for him at home was cracking the foundation she was trying so hard to stabilize.
“This was a huge opportunity for you. And I messed it up.”
He planted his feet, tugging her softly to a stop right next to him as they made their way out of the hospital and onto the sidewalk.
“Jess. Stop. Right now. There will be other trips. Wetalked about this before I even left. This pregnancy has been fucking rough. You weren’t feeling well and you went to the hospital, which was one-thousand percent the right call. That trumps everything else in my life. And now, we’re going to take a few days to rest. Sebastian can handle the presentation on his own. I was only going to be there to charm them all with my witty personality and rugged good looks.”
Jessie rolled her eyes, unable to stop the smile that spread across her face.
