Perhaps because Bryce was so respectful, so careful to not cross Zef’s boundaries. After that first day, he never stepped foot into their bedroom. He never touched them or pushed for physical intimacy the way Denys always had. He honored Zef’s oddities and idiosyncrasies and never made them feel other. Zef could be themself with Bryce in a way they had never been able to with anyone else. Except, perhaps, for Tad.
Yes, it was probably all those things and more which led to Zef scrutinizing Bryce’s hands and wondering, wondering, wondering. They would be warm, seeing as humans ran hotter than Mantodea on a biological level, and they would be calloused, given his line of work. They were big, too, so they would be weighty. Though, Bryce was big all over, and he carried himself with softness, gentleness. Maybe he would touch Zef that way too. Light and careful, to ensure they did not get overwhelmed.
In fact, they knew he would. If Zef ever bridged that gap, communicated their desire for more physical closeness, they knew Bryce would be sweet and kind and caring. He was simply that type of person, after all.
So yes, Zef would wonder. They were not ready todoor toact. So they would contemplate and consider. For now.
As January turned to February, Bryce finalized his plans to return to Montana during the three-week break from his classes in March. He invited Zef to accompany him, and they were tempted to accept. They were more than tempted, in fact, but the Greed location was opening in March, and work would be busier than usual as they all acclimated to the change. They simply could not feel at peace leaving during such a time.
“Maybe next time,” they said, and Bryce nodded his agreement.
“In July, then.” He pointed at Zef’s pocket. “Put it in your calendar, so you won’t forget or back out.”
“I do not think Nan will allow me to back out,” they said playfully, making Bryce laugh.
“That she won’t. She’s gonna guilt-trip you for not coming this time, mark my words.”
And Bryce was right.
“What if I’m dead before July?” Nan scowled at Zef from Bryce’s phone.
“I believe you will survive until then on stubbornness alone,” they retorted as they set the pastry dough over the vegetable pot pie and scored it. “Besides, you told me just yesterday that you are not old. You are simply wise with years.”
“Sass,” she sniffed.
“I know,” Bryce agreed. “I tell people about their sass, and no one believes me.”
“Perks of fading into the background,” Zef said, wings buzzing to communicate jest.
With a huff, Bryce leaned his butt on the counter beside them, phone in one hand as another tucked their hair behind their ear without actually touching them. “You’re not a background character, Zef,” he said earnestly, and the look in his gray eyes made Zef’s stomach tighten.
“It is not a bad thing,” they said softly, “if I were.”
He worked his jaw, his eyebrows expressing fiercely, but Zef was more proficient in interpreting them now. Bryce was annoyed by Zef’s self-dismissal, but he did not argue their claim.
Instead, he said, “Well, when I walk into a room, you’re the first person I see.”
And… oh. That hurt, but it was not a bad hurt. They ached somewhere deep in their chest where they had never ached before. Because it was so big, so warm, so entirely, wonderfullymuchthat the only way to interpret the feeling was pain.
How strange life was.
“I see you too,” Zef said before they could second guess themself, and ancestors above, how Bryce smiled.
“Well, I can’t see either of you because Bryce has his phone tucked into his armpit,” Nan’s muffled voice grumbled, making them both startle at the reminder of her digital presence amongst them.
“Crap, sorry, Nan,” Bryce said, breaking the intensity vibrating in the air between them.
Exhaling slowly, Zef slipped the pot pie into the oven to bake as Bryce disappeared into his bedroom, Nan griping the whole way.
The first Friday of March, Zef and Bryce rode the early train together to Purgatory, Zef heading to work, Bryce on his way to Chicago to catch hisflight home. His backpack was full to bursting, and his leg bounced with what Zef interpreted as excitement.
“You have missed them very much, yes?” they asked as the train pulled into Purgatory station.
“Honestly, yes. I missed them a lot more than I thought I would,” he admitted. “I can’t wait to get home and see them.”
“They will be happy to see you too.”
As they crossed the station, they came to a stop in the middle of the largest room. Zef’s exit into the desert was to their right. Bryce’s train to Chicago was straight ahead down a busy corridor.
