Tad and Willow exchanged a look, like they were in on a joke Zef was not, but before they could ask for explanation, Rusty’s husky voice crackled from Gem’s phone.
“If you’re calling because you got arrested for public indecency, I’m not bailing you out,” the Pyclon growled, and Gem made a noise of indignation. “I told you not to go naked on the train.”
“Um, first of all, I was not arrested. No one even knew, which means I was right and you were wrong. Secondly”—Gem scowled down at his phone—“how dare you not bail me out of jail, you bitch!”
“I don’t have money to bail you out.”
“Well, would you at least come visit and smuggle in porn for me? Honestly, it’s the least you could do.”
Rusty sighed heavily, voice deadpan as he said, “Sure, Gem. If you were ever incarcerated, I would smuggle in porn for you.”
The Araknis simpered. “Aw, that’s so sweet. I’d smuggle in porn for you too. Unless you’re too demisexual for that. Do you even like porn?”
“Uh… not always?” Rusty said haltingly. “Did you seriously call me to talk about porn?”
Gem tittered. “Oh, no, I just got distracted. I called to show you my dress. Say hi to Rusty, everyone.” He turned the phone around to show a close-up of Rusty’s face, a pair of glasses balanced on the bridge of his nose.
“Oh my gods! Was I on speaker this whole time?” Rusty barked as he whipped off his glasses.
“Yes,” they all chorused, and the Pyclon snarled.
“For fucks’ sake, Gem!”
“Oh em geez, sorry. It’s not like you said anything embarrassing. No one cares that you don’t like porn.” To everyone else in the room, Gem said, “Right, everyone? No one is judging Rusty for not liking porn, correct?”
They all shook their heads.
“I also do not enjoy pornographic imagery unless it is educational or artistic in nature,” Zef said. “I once watched a documentary about the female orgasm, and it was fascinating. Though I did not find it titillating as others might.”
“Porn—like,porn-porn—is never educational, Zef,” Gem said, and everyone else in the room nodded their agreement.
With a huff, Zef crossed their top arms over their chest. “Yes, I am aware that pornography is fake.”
“I didn’t know you wore glasses, Rusty,” Willow said, thankfully changing the subject. “They look very nice.”
On Gem’s screen, Rusty ducked his head and scratched behind his ear. “Oh, uh, thanks.”
“They do look good, right? I told him it makes him look like a sexy professor,” Gem gushed, bringing an uncomfortable chitter from Rusty.
“Yeah, which was weird,” Rusty grumbled, and Gem rolled several eyes.
“Whatever. I meant it platonically. Anyway, we’re getting off track. Here.” Gem shoved his phone into Zef’s hands. “I want Rusty to get the full view.”
“Hello,” Zef greeted the Pyclon.
Rusty settled his glasses on his head and offered a half-hearted wave. “Uh, hey, Zef.”
“Turn the camera around,” Gem instructed impatiently, and Zef obeyed. “So this is pretty much the final product. Just imagine tits.”
With a snort, Rusty smiled softly as he—Zef assumed—studied Gem in his white dress. “It looks nice.”
“Yeah? You think so? And the color’s good?” Gem asked, smoothing several hands down his sides.
Somehow, Rusty’s expression softened even more. “Yeah, Gem, the color’s great.”
Wriggling excitedly, Gem skipped toward Zef to take his phone back. “Okay, cool.”
As Gem rang off, Tad leaned into Willow and whispered in her ear, then she looked at Zef and pantomimed fellatio as she pointed at Gem’s back. Wait, was she suggesting Gem and Rusty were sexually involved? That seemed unlikely, but Zef always found it difficult to pick up on those types of things. So perhaps she was correct, and they simply had not noticed.
