A thousand excuses flashed through my mind as I looked down at my hands in my lap. He was observant. I needed something believable, but after a minute of trying to arrange the words in my head, I decided I didn’t want to use a made-up excuse with him.
“It’s heavy. You sure you want the nitty gritty of my past so soon?”
Ryan moved forward putting his forearms on the table and steepling his fingers. “Raven, I want all of you. Every detail of your past, good or bad. I want to know everything about you from the important to the mundane. Nothing is too soon for us.”
He leaned back again and I downed the rest of my wine. Taking a deep breath, I told him about my childhood.
“I lived in poverty all my life. From the time I was born to the time I began working at my first firm.” His jaw tightened like he was fighting to keep quiet, but I continued anyway. “I don’t mean poor in the sense that we didn’t have nice things. Sometimes the bills took all the money and we only had basic food to eat. There were weeks when I didn’t have protein or vegetables; only bread and rice.”
I looked away from his searing eyes out to the city beyond the terrace. The memories I tried to keep out flashed through my mind and the old hurt seeped into my bones. I took a deep breath, steadying my voice.
“It took a long time to get out of the hole once I was making good money with my career. I had college debt, but I also had my parents’ debt. I decided when I graduated college and had a job waiting for me that I was going to help Mom and Dad, too. When I finally made it, I brought them with me.” My voice cracked despite my efforts. “I had to become the best in the business so I could ensure I could support two households. My parents triedtheir best, and they loved me. Love didn’t buy food, though.”
I turned back to him. “So to answer your question, it’s a habit. I still live a frugal lifestyle when it comes to food. I have a nice apartment, a nice car, and I’ve spent money on nice work clothes. I don’t hesitate at buying other things I need or want—within reason—but food is different to me.”
Ryan considered me for what seemed like an hour before he finally spoke. “Phenomenal,” he said.
“What?”
“I said, you’re phenomenal. I knew it already, but now I’m certain.” One corner of his mouth twitched up in his half smile that I was beginning to be infatuated with. “I can’t think of anyone else who is as mesmerizing as you. Although, I don’t know that many people.” He laughed.
I gave a tight smile and he reached for my hand over the table, giving it a squeeze. “Raven, what you’re doing for your parents is amazing. Most people wouldn’t. You continue to fascinate me the more I learn.”
The waiter stopped by to pour more wine for me and water for Ryan as he released me. When we were alone again he said, “Tell me more about your childhood. Where did you grow up? Where did you go to high school?”
My stomach dropped. I knew it was a possibility that he would ask more about my former life once I brought it up. I couldn’t tell him everything even though something deep inside pulled me to do exactly that, but I couldn’t. Not now, or maybe ever, so it was best to steer clear of the subject until I came up with something to tell him.
I swirled the wine in my glass and changed the subject. “That’s enough about my past. Why don’t we hear about yours now?” I offered.
He shifted uncomfortably, the first sign I’d seen that therewas more to him I didn’t know. He was more than a hot voice and body that could send me into the clouds. I wanted to know everything about him, too.
“I promise it’s boring.”
I shifted my face to the serious demeanor I used at work. “I could listen to you read an instruction manual, and I wouldn’t get bored. Your voice is what I want to listen to when I fall asleep at night and when I wake up in the morning. I didn’t know I had an attraction to voices until you, but here we are…or maybe I just have a thing foryourvoice.”
Ryan looked as though he was about to jump over the table and fuck me right there on the terrace. “That would be called a voice kink, darling.”
My face heated. “Oh, there's a name for it. Well, at least I’m not the only person who has it.” I broke into a smile, and my tone turned playful. “Come on, I want to know more about you. You know some of the gritty details of my life, so it’s only fair you give me some, too.”
He ran a hand through his hair and the movement made me want to replicate it with my own. I wanted to feel his silky strands flowing through my fingertips, but even more I wanted to hear the sounds he would make when I fisted my hand and pulled.
He finally looked back at me. “Fine,” he sighed. “My childhood was opposite from yours. My parents…they are well off, and I had everything I wanted when I was a kid. Except their love.”
My breath hitched, and I had the urge to go around the table and wrap him in my arms. “Why didn’t they love you?” My voice was a whisper as I almost didn’t want to know the answer. No reason was good enough for a parent to not love their child.
He fixed his gaze on me. “They never should have hadchildren. They only care about their money and appearance. When I was old enough to contribute to that appearance, I wasn’t the proper son they could parade around to their friends. I was barely average in school and just wanted to play video games in my spare time. I didn’t want to play an instrument or sport.” He sighed and looked away. “They couldn’t exactly brag about my Call of Duty high score to their rich friends at society events.”
My heart broke for him. A childhood without parents’ love was unfathomable to me. My parents loved me more than anything, and I found myself wishing that little boy had what I had, even though my family had nothing but our love.
“Ryan,” I breathed. “I’m so sorry you went through that. I guess things still aren’t well with your parents?” I didn’t want to pry, but I held out hope that maybe somehow he had mended the relationships. He quickly squashed that hope.
“Things only got worse as I got older. I’m not on speaking terms with them,” he murmured before his voice grew louder. “I’m just thankful they didn’t have any other children. I was enough of a disappointment that they wouldn’t risk the chance of two failed attempts at a kid they couldn’t make more money off of.”
The conversation shifted when the waiter came up to the table and sat our plates in front of us before making sure we were settled and skittering off. The food smelled amazing, and I couldn’t help the twinge of jealousy at Ryan’s perfect-looking steak. My chicken also looked exceptional, and I couldn’t wait to dig in. Ryan’s gaze lingered as I took a bite.
“Oh fuck me, this is terrific,” I said with my mouth full and completely forgetting my manners. I slapped my hand over my mouth as I finished chewing and began to apologize, but I burst out with laughter instead.
Ryan’s fork was suspended halfway to his mouth and hisjaw was practically on the table. I stifled a giggle as his trance was broken, and he shook his head. “You continue to surprise me, Raven.”
