“Close those pretty eyes,” he said, squatting down by the sofa. “Close them and clear your mind. Focus on that quiet spot right under your ribs.”
“That’s where my bear lives. He’s never quiet.”
“Well, tell him to shut up because yeah, focus on his inner sanctum. I don’t know how they teach it here but the way I figured it out was my bear could come and go as he wanted and I go inside there when I shift into him. So, technically, I can come and go from there as I wanted,” he said.
None of the books had approached it this way but I focused on my grassy hill I most often found my bear on. For a long moment, the bear and I were one as we listened to our mate continue his lesson. He talked about little paths here and there that led out. That he even believed true-mates shared little paths that were only connected once they exchanged the claimingvows that allowed the beasts within them to communicate and pass back and forth without any trouble.
I almost asked if we’d even be able to exchange our claiming vows but decided to keep my mouth shut. It wasn’t hard to remain quiet while Vallis spoke. I loved the deep melodic sound of his voice. I loved how even from a distance his warmth radiated against my skin. How I knew where he was by the sound of his voice. I could almost see him knelt down by the sofa talking to me.
“You’re going to follow my voice out,” Vallis said and I did.
As one with my bear, I stood up and trotted down the back side of the hill. The side I never saw from my vantage point. The side I never bothered to explore when my bear was the one in the driver’s seat and I was left waiting patiently inside. I never bothered because usually his senses made the world around me impossible to ignore but my bear knew exactly what little pathways our mate spoke of. He led me through a bunch of woods and then through a cave. All the while Vallis kept talking to us and the further into the cave we ventured the closer he sounded. Soon we came to a cavern that broke off into seemingly endless tunnels. My bear sniffed each one and as the scents settled on the back of my tongue, I realized that these all represented the links I was on and the connections I made throughout my life. I smelled the folks back home, the bears, the Hemlock Wolf Pack, and of course my parents and grandparents. Eventually, we found one that smelled new but oh-so familiar.
“This is it,”my bear grunted and stepped into the tunnel. It was dark and a tight squeeze but with each step we found a bit more light and the sound of Vallis’s voice grew louder as if it wasstarting to come from inside our head. Then we stood next to him staring down at our empty body. This I had read about. That urge to get back inside because the immediate knee-jerk reaction was that you were dead. I stopped it in its tracks. I wasn’t dead. I’d gone on a fairly long trek to get back to where I started – only outside of my body now.
“You did it!” Vallis said, sitting down on his butt and cradling my furry face in his hands. He kissed my nose and I almost headbutted, wanting him to shift but stopped short. I wasn’t sure I could shift into a human right now if I wanted to and I didn’t want him to expend more energy than was necessary. I wanted him here for as long as possible because this was only the first step in a long journey.
I let my eyes drift closed as he scratched and rubbed my fur. I leaned into his touch, reveling in his soft warmth and how close he felt now that we were both out of body. He kissed my nose again and leaned back.
“Back in you go. It takes more energy than you think at first and I don’t want you exhausted,” he said.
I almost protested but realized if there was going to be kissing andstuff,I’d need my energy. Going back was quicker than getting out. I came to on the sofa, blinking my eyes and yawning. My limbs felt heavy and warm. I wanted to kiss Vallis but with each blink it grew harder to hold my eyes open. When I woke the next morning, still on the sofa, Vallis was gone. I was hard and slick and burning up.
“Fuck a duck,” I swore under my breath and slung a sofa pillow across the room.
“I’m not that horny yet. It’s heat not prion disease. Ducks are food, not fucks,”my bear rambled off into my thoughts, laughing at his own joke.
I grabbed my phone and sent Dad a quick text.
ME:I need you not to tell them and I need you to come first and I need a fast-acting heat shot.
“If you use the word ‘and’ one more time the guards are going to come and arrest you for word abuse,”my bear chimed off into my thoughts like my internal editor.
DAD:I won’t tell them but they have noses, huh? I’ll see what I can do about getting there before them. You could ask Barry. He won’t tell them. There you have healer patient confidentiality. He’s not married to your sire and your carrier.
ME:I know Grandpa would help me but what is the point of having all these parents working in midwifery if not this? (I am whining!)
I ended the text with a line of howling wolf head emojis. I wasn’t a wolf but I could howl with the best of them.
DAD:I said I’d do it! Sheesh! Howl! Howl! Howl!
I laughed and put my phone aside. I had cereal for an early breakfast because I knew if I didn’t eat something before the shot I’d spend the rest of the day feeling like I might throw up all over everyone. That wouldn’t be a great first impression on my incoming guest.
True to his word, Dad, known to the rest of the world as Ivan, showed up a full three hours earlier than my sire and carrier under the pretense that he wanted to stop in and chatwith Grandpa Barry. They did know each other back in the day and back in that place where people weren’t people. I had to shake that thought away before it reached him. We all had enough on our minds without dredging up a past I wasn’t even alive for.
“You okay, kiddo?” he asked as I rested on the sofa, wondering if this would be the time I had a reaction to the fast-acting heat shot. Some sort of allergic reaction wasn’t uncommon, but the formula had been improved in recent years. I’d never had a bad reaction to them and hoped it stayed that way.
“Yeah.”
“I meant besides the shot,” Dad asked, flopping down into the nearby armchair. “You smell… Off. Not heat off either. Like something’s on your mind. Your carrier hasn’t gotten inside your head about all this Mated for the Holidays stuff has he?”
“Not really,” I shook my head even though that would’ve been a good cover up.
“It’s just that you were excited about it before. Excited enough that you two argued over it,” he said.
“Eh, I don’t want to argue with him.”
“He doesn’t want to argue with you either,” he shrugged. “It’s part of getting older and individuating. Everyone goes through it. It’s part of finding out who you are as a separate person from the people who raised you. It puts you in a state of both belonging but also being who you are.”
