“If the job comes with coffee and honey, I’ll take,” I managed a laugh.
“Definitely a bear,” Ivan grinned.
Slowly, over the next few hours, I ate part of a protein bar, some deer jerky, half a burger, and some fries that Ivan had smuggled in. The dragon healer wasn’t thrilled when he found out but since I kept the food down and my vitals remained stable, he didn’t give Ivan too much grief. Besides, I had to do something to kill time until Lero was back in my arms.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Snowy
(Mori’s Puppy)
Heartville
Snowy didn’t remember much about his life before the big not-dog dog-like creature carried him through the snow and gave him to the man who sometimes shifted into a not-dog creature. He remembered the cold and the white wet stuff that he later learned was called snow. Mostly he remembered the man who carried him to a big den full of people and stuff and lots of food. The man’s name was Mori and he was pretty sure the pregnant man, the pregnant man’s son, and the father of his Mori were taking him to where Mori needed him now.
Snowy didn’t understand the why of the trip any more than he understood why Mori was sad so often or why he stayed awake pouring over books and then cussing them off like they were mice who bit his tail. Those were just things Mori did. So, Snowy wasn’t surprised at all that when he was sat down in the loud, fake-smelling place to sniff Mori out that he found him having a profound sad in a strange bed.
Snowy leapt up, attempting to get to his sad Mori, but his little legs hadn’t grown quite enough to make such a tall jump. When he leapt the second time, he sank his sharp puppy teeth into the fake-tasting sheets. Mori let out a sad laugh and liftedhim up. He laid on his Mori’s chest wagging his tail. The room was empty except for him, Mori, and the wolf who sired Mori. The pair of them spoke. None of it made sense to Snowy but he listened to the words just in case they were important later or, of course, someone mentioned food.
“I’m not saying you’re crazy,” the sire man said once Snowy had settled in. “I’m saying that trauma is passed down in your genes, Mori. It’s not your fault.”
“Do you just want to take credit for everything that hurts me?” Mori said, his words almost a growl.
“Mori, I’m not taking blame for what was said to you on that forsaken island or what anyone else has put you through. I’m merely saying that it’s proven that trauma passes down and I had more than anyone’s fair share to pass down.”
“What are you getting at? Are you apologizing to me because part of your life sucked?” Mori asked, his scent growing sadder with each word.
“No, I’m saying all this because you’re about to get really angry with me. I think you should try something for your anxiety. I know, you hate the idea of pills, but it’s come a long way. You can have it in a tea now. Hell, if you order it from Italy you can have it in a coffee. Which feels contradictory to me, but the studies say it works.”
“Do you think it’ll help?” Mori asked and the sire man’s scent changed to relieved confusion.
“Probably. There’s a good chance of it anyway. I was the same way for years, Mori. I thought my brain could work it out on its own. I know you’ve done therapy and stuff but sometimestrauma alters the way chemicals are received inside our brains or the way they move or something. Hell, the scientists who study it don’t fully understand what changes yet, but only that there are ways so that we can feel better. I know it won’t change the big things that are wrong in the world but they might give you the headspace to work through those things.”
“Okay,” Mori nodded. “If you get them – tea or coffee – I’ll try them.”
“I already have the tea. I was going to talk to you about it as soon as things calmed down,” the sire man said.
“Thanks, Dad,” Mori smiled.
That was enough for Snowy. He knew if Mori could just smile for a few seconds, he’d be okay for a while. Either way, Snowy would be there with the man who brought him into his den when he didn’t know anything or anyone else. Mori was pack and that meant he was stuck with Snowy.
“Dad?” Mori said a second later.
“Yeah?”
“I don’t blame you. I don’t think I ever have. Not for what you went through. If it’s in my cells or invisibly on my soul, I don’t know, but I don’t blame you for it – if it’s somehow there. They put you through stuff and you survived and you’re a good dad and I’m not just saying that. My childhood was good. Why do you think I keep coming home? And it’s not just me either,” Mori chuckled. “You’re a good grandfather too and in a few months you’ll be a good great grandfather.”
“I try. Mori, that’s all any of us can do. We get up every day and we try. Some days will suck but we try anyway. We try andwe take care of each other. It took me a long time to get that after I joined the Hemlock Wolf Pack. Sure, I made the right choice about letting Zeke get adopted because I wasn’t ready to raise a pup, but I was angry for a long time and sometimes I took that out on the people around me. You don’t remember Ignatius. You were too young when he died, but he was Darian’s dad. He was a bastard of a wolf sometimes but he loved his family. There are probably exceptions where this won’t work but you want to know how he told me he managed his anger or at least tried to?”
“How?” Mori asked him.
“He said if he woke up mad at his true-mate, Miriam, that was his mate, or his kids or friends or some dumb young packmate, he said he laid there and thought about how he could make things easier for them and then if it was within his control he did it. If it wasn’t, he tried to find someone who could make it happen. Some people are assholes and some are down right evil, but when it comes to those closest to us, sometimes we have to look at them with a little grace, son. By looking at what we can do to make their lives easier we get out of our own heads and think about what hard things they’re dealing with. If you’re lucky, they’re thinking about you the same way. When Othoni comes back from lunch let him talk about his kids and Teddy all he wants. Sure, Annila is gone, but until you’re well enough to make the trip to London, there is nothing you can do for her besides get better.”
Mori nodded and scratched Snowy’s head. Snowy thought that last part was good advice. Wasn’t that what pack did? They thought about what they could do to make each other happy? Snowy had come a long way to see his sad Mori, after all and Mori often threw his stick long after he, himself, had grownbored with it. Mori knew how to be a good pack mate, Snowy decided.
“Gotta love the people who are here because the dead have their own things to work out,” the sire man smiled when Mori didn’t say anything.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
