My eyes slip back to Felix, surprised when he’s looking right at me.
My entire world.
I’ve never thought much about marriage, it really doesn’t make a difference to me, but I know that no matter what, I’d fight for him too. He’s not going through anything alone. I’ll be there every step of the way until he tells me he doesn’t want me to be.
I vaguely hear the officiant say something and I focus back on my friends. Oli slips Andre’s ring on. As soon as it’s on his finger, Andre latches himself to Oli’s lips while we all cheer.
He loops his arm through Oli’s and they walk back through the rain of flowers, up the white carpet. I try to focus on my friends, but I only see one person.
“You look incredibly handsome.”Felix smiles at me, smoothing his fingers over the lapels of my tux. “I can’t believe you’re real.”
“Real and incredibly obsessed with you.” I kiss the side of his head as we sway to the music. I look over at my friends. I’m pretty sure Oli and Andre haven’t been more than a couple of inches from each other since we got to the reception. We all went back to our rooms to change into comfier clothes, and I’m wearing a light dress shirt and jeans now with a brace underneath. I hated wearing suits on game days, and I just hope that as a coach I can dress a bit more casually. Give me a wind breaker and jeans any day.
My palm soothes over his back muscles, loving the way his warmth seeps into my fingers. “Grey.” I look down at him. “I want to move to New York.”
I smile. “Really?” He nods. “I do too.”
“Your friends and family, though.”
I think about this. “I know, and I am struggling with that. The thing is, they all have their own lives, and I really want to start living mine. Landon and Alyssa will get married soon and maybe have more kids together. Oli, Atlas, and Andre will be on the road. I can still visit them and go to games when they play in New York. This is a new phase, and change is scary, but this... I don’t know. This could be the start of our lives together.”
“I’m sorry I haven’t said?—”
“Hey.” I cup his face. “No. Don’t apologize. I don’t want to hear it unless you’re absolutely sure. I understand why you might be hesitant, and that’s okay. I’m not going anywhere. You have all the time you need.”
Felix thinks. “It’s not that I don’t feel these things. I do. I just,I?—”
I kiss him quiet. “Take all the time you need, and if you want me to stop saying it, I will.”
“No.” He holds me tight. “I want to hear it.”
“Good, because I really want to keep saying it.” I hug him closer, but my eyes lift up, catching Atlas’s eyes on me from where he’s sitting at the bar. He’s swaying a little bit. “Hey, do you mind ... I’m going to go talk to Atlas real quick, alright?” I know he wants to talk to me, and before he gets absolutely blackout drunk I want to hear what he has to say. “I’ll be right back, okay?”
Something flashes in Felix’s eyes. “Okay. Yeah. I’ll be here.”
I kiss him then go off to find my drunk best friend.
I’m going to make him talk to me.
TWENTY NINE
Felix
I go to a different bar across the room to give Atlas and Grey space and find a barstool to sit on. I ask for a water and take it gratefully. The cold water is welcomed relief. It’s very warm in this hall. Everyone is having a great time, and while I don’t know Grey’s friends too well, I can tell how much Oli and Andre mean to one another. I don’t think they’ve given each other any space since they said I do.
I like his friends a lot. I’m hoping with time, Atlas and I can get along. While I want to be upset with him, I can’t imagine how he feels. He loves Grey deeply and I get it, because I’m pretty sure I love him to.
So why haven’t I said it?
Why is this so hard? “Hey.” Alyssa smiles, sitting on the bar stool next to me. Her hair is pulled up into a ponytail. “Where’s my brother?” I look across the room and frown when I don’t see Grey and Atlas at the bar anymore. They were talking. Where did they go?
“Oh um, I’m not sure. I needed some water. It’s hot inhere.” I watch Oli and Andre dance on the floor. Andre’s forehead is tucked into the hollow of Oli’s neck, and he’s whispering something in his ear meant for just the two of them. I’ve never experienced queer love quite like this, and it’s incredible.
“How are you doing, Felix?”
“Huh?” Alyssa smiles softly. “Oh um, great.”
She nods. “Thank you.”
