Oli motions him over, and Andre drops down onto his lap. Watching these two behemoths share such a small space makes me laugh. “Oh, shit, this is the game Ivan lost a tooth in.” Andre laughs. “He was so pissed.” Oli kisses his shoulder. “How is he doing?” He looks at Felix.
“Best he can.” We have a shitstorm to go back to, but I’ll help him in whatever way he needs me to. Felix will never have to go through this alone.
“Grey’s got himself a boyfriend,” Andre singsongs in a whisper.
There’s a lot of Felix’s story I don’t know yet. I only hope one day he’ll feel safe enough to share it with me. “Can I ask something personal?” I ask Andre. “Are you seeing someone? Like for therapy?”
Andre looks to Oli, who nods. “Both of us are. Together.”
“Really?”
Oli nods. “While I love the shit out of him, we also have a lot of things we need to work through. We spent over a decade at each other’s throats, and this type of shift has taken some getting used to.”
“You see, I’m not sure if you’re aware, Grey, but your friend is a stubborn asshole.” Oli glares up at him, but his blue eyes hold no anger. Just warmth. “Who I love more than anything.”
Oli attempts to push him off his lap, but Andre kisses the side of his face. “Asshole. But yeah, we’re doing online therapy together.” He looks up at Andre. “Can’t believe you’re going to be my husband in a week.”
Andre kisses him. “Better run while you still can.”
“Never in a million years. Besides...” He lifts his boxers up his thigh, showing the outline of a phoenix. “Who would color my tattoos?” Andre grins wide.
“That looks sick. When are you going to get it finished?”
Oli shakes his head. “This is for him to color in. Leaving it as an outline. I’m going to get another one on my other thigh once he tells me what he wants.”
Andre’s coloring reminds me of Felix’s journal. “He keeps a bullet journal. He writes everything in it.”
“Probably helps with the anxiety. Coloring slows my brain down, focuses my thoughts. When everything gets a bit too much in here...” He points to his head. “I break out the colored pencils and center myself.”
I look back down at Felix. My fingers run through his hair. “I’ve never felt like this before.” Like everything I need is inside this one person. That feeling of knowing no matter what happens you have each other. I’m always used to taking care of everyone around me. I don’t mind and I love that they know they can count on me, but for the first time I have someone I can rely on. Someone I can go to, to help me... take care of me.
“Being in love is a good look on you.” Andre stands, patting Oli’s shoulder. “I want to go to sleep, and I know you won’t sleep on the plane.” Andre looks back to me. “I’ll warn you now, Atlas is sitting with Ryker and he doesn’t know.” Shit, he’s going to be pissed. Our friend Ryker is deathly afraid of flying, and unless you enjoy having a six-foot-five defenseman trying to crawl inside your skin, it’s gonna be a long flight.
Felix squirms in my arms but he doesn’t wake. “Guess I’m sleeping on the couch tonight.” Andre gets up, grabbing a blanket and draping it over us. Then he finds another couch pillow and tucks it under my leg. “Thank you.”
“Get some sleep. I have a smartass to marry soon.” Oli grins.
TWENTY THREE
Felix
I take my first full breath of air when we’re finally in our suite, and the relief douses and calms my nerves. I was on edge the entire flight, and it had zero to do with it being my first time on a plane. I was distracted and upset, but I guess it was nothing compared to the panic attack one of their friends—I think his name is Ryker—had on the flight.
If it were possible for Atlas to hate me more, he would totally try, because apparently he and Grey always used to sit together. But he was stuck with Ryker and was not happy. He let me know each time I got up to use the bathroom; I could feel his glare on me. At one point I got up and found Ryker inside Atlas’s shirt, hiding his head as if that would help if the plane actually went down.
I’m going to put that behind me. I’m going to enjoy the time I have here with Grey, because this place is insanely beautiful and I’m with the most caring man I’ve ever met in my life. I will deal with what I have to when I get home.
The suite is huge, with a living room and tiny kitchenarea. I follow Grey into the bedroom and look out the sliding glass doors to the balcony, with the bright blue ocean and beach just beyond outside our window. There’s only one king-sized bed in here.
I know that Atlas has a joined room next to us—Oli and Andre had gotten them joint rooms—but I’m not sure who he’s rooming with, if anyone. I really want to talk to him, but I don’t know how. I’m scared. He seems scary. He’s important to Grey, so I want to solve whatever this is between us.
I set my bag against the wall and go to the sliding door, opening it and letting the warm breeze settle through the room. Salt water and fresh air breeze past me. Stepping onto the balcony, I smile when I see the beach below. It’s an unusual shade of blue I’ve only seen in pictures. Palm trees and flowers surround the hotel around us.
When I left Steven all those months ago, never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined I’d be here. My fingers curl over the railing as I look out, and my stomach swoops when I glance down.
Strong arms wrap around my waist. I don’t flinch, don’t want to crawl away. Instead, I lean into him. I look over my shoulder and can’t resist leaning in, pressing a soft kiss to his mouth. “Are you tired?” he whispers near my ear. It’s such an odd feeling. I’ve been at war with the person who’s supposed to love me for nearly a decade, but Grey... I don’t know. Grey makes surrender seem so sweet. I want to stay here in his arms forever. The soft hairs of his beard tickle my neck as he nuzzles in the hollow before I feel his lips press slow kisses along my skin.
“A little.” I turn in his arms and cup his face. My fingers smooth through the soft hairs of his beard. I feel it now, the little tug on my heart I’m afraid to feel fully. I did this once before. I fell in love and that love hurt me. Steven wasn’t badin the beginning, and I’m afraid I won’t recognize when I’m in danger again.
