His fingers begin to squeeze again in mine and fuck it feels good. “Steven and I have been together eight years now, but I’ve known him for about twelve.”
Twelve? Twelve fucking years. That would make Felix fifteen, and that asshole would’ve been thirty. I already know I’m going to hate this story. “Where did you two meet?” I grind out.
He looks away. “You see, I didn’t mean. I mean I didn’t?—”
“Hey.” I rub my thumb over his hand. “I’m not here to judge or blame you. I just want to understand, okay? That’s all. Don’t feel ashamed about anything. Especially something that happened when you were a teenager.”
When you were a child.
Felix’s lip shakes. “I really liked him.” He wipes his eye. “I’m so stupid.”
“Not stupid. Just tell me.”
“Back at my high school...”Oh, I’m really going to hate this story, aren’t I?“We had security guards. Our town is pretty low crime, so we’d have police officers come by the school, just walking through the halls. Keeping the peace. Things like that. It was more just for show, I think. Something for the department to do. I didn’t have many friends. Well, actually, I had no friends. A lot of the times I’d eat alone. He’d alwayswalk the halls during my lunch. He was really nice to me, and he used to come talk to me. I thought he was my friend.”
His shoulders sink, but he continues. “During my senior year we became close, but nothing went on. We were just friends. He was there for me. My mom wasn’t really around much, and it was nice to have someone to talk to. He took me home sometimes. Once, he took me to the movies. Sometimes he’d even buy me dinner if my mom was out. For the first time ever, I had someone care about me. I had a friend.”
This cop groomed him.
I bite my tongue and keep listening quietly. “After I graduated, I ran into him all the time. It was almost funny. He’d be in a lot of places I would be, and we started talking. I got a job at a local dentist office out of high school, then I found out he also used that dentist. And one day he asked me out. I accepted.
Nope, don’t like this story one bit.
It’s obvious to me what really happened, but in Felix’s mind everything was consensual. That’s what predators do, they twist the way things are to make you feel like you’re in control. That man groomed him.
“Everything was great for a while. I was so happy. We got married. We couldn’t have a real wedding, though. Not that it mattered. I don’t have any close family. He couldn’t come out because of his job, but that was okay. It was romantic. Just the two of us. It was amazing.” His fingers rub together again. “Everything after that was a nightmare.”
“Can you tell me?”
His fingers start to massage my calf again. Slow strokes of his thumbs that feel so good.
“You know what’s so crazy?” He thinks. “It always started small. Slow. Like bursts of violence or words that made me rethink what I knew. It was always small enough to explain away. That’s not what he meant, or he really didn’t mean it.That’s not him. Look how great he’s been. Then it started to happen more. I was confused because the good days were so good. He made sure of that. He made them good so that when the bad ones came, and they did, he could use them to look back on as a defense. Then you’re fighting your own truth. Your own brain. Fighting with him because that’s not who he is. Look how great he’s been. He’s just under a lot of pressure or I’m not doing the things asked of me. It’s was a war with him, and it’s a war with your own mind.” He swallows, taking a moment.
“It happened so slowly. Before I knew it was even happening. I couldn’t stop it. I had no one. When Steven and I got married, my mom found out and disowned me. I don’t have any friends. I had no one but him.” He swallows. “A few months after we got married, he started getting angrier and angrier. Sometimes it felt like he was looking for a fight. I couldn’t do anything right.
“After we got married, he suggested I quit my job. He made enough money for us both. I enjoyed staying at home, keeping the house, but I wasn’t really allowed to go anywhere. We got everything delivered to the house. I didn’t have a car, my own money... It was a trap and I fell right into it.” He takes a deep breath. “I’m so stupid.”
“No, you’re not.” I squeeze his hand in mine. “You’re not stupid.” His brown eyes blink up at me. I wonder how well he can see without his glasses. “When did it escalate?”
“Eight months after we got married, he came home, and I’d made pizza. I’d burnt it a little. Our stove was really weird. If you didn’t rotate it halfway through, it’d cook unevenly. I got distracted folding his laundry before he got home and forgot. It scorched the back. I was going to throw it away and make another, then he walked through the door. I laughed it off even though my anxiety made it hard to breathe. Up until then, he hadn’t been physically violent. Good days startedbecoming less and less. He was always angry, and before I knew it there were no good days left.”
“You don’t have to go into detail if you don’t want to.”
He sniffs, shaking his head. “I hate what he’s done to me. I’m scared all the time. I can’t relax. I’m supposed to be free, but this doesn’t feel like freedom.”
Gently as I can, I pull him in and curve my arm around him, my hand lying firmly on his lower back. My other arm goes around him and I cup the back of his head as he caves and lies against my chest. I soothe my hand along his spine, letting him cry softly. My mind is racing.
I don’t know what to do with the mess I’ve found myself in, but it’s a mess I’ll fight to protect. He’s not going any-fucking-where. My nose grazes against the sweet-smelling strands of his chestnut hair. “Can I ask what happened to bring you here?” He lifts off my chest, and I miss his warmth there. “Those bruises. Were they from him?”
Felix nods. “I don’t want to say what he did to me.”
Rage fills me. “Is it what I think he did?” While the bruises on his ribs have me seething, it’s the ones on his hips that make me want to snap that fucker’s neck. “The bruises on your hips, they?—”
“Yes.” Felix nods quickly confirming what I already assumed. Rage boils in my gut. “I woke up in bed alone the morning after. For a year I’d been stealing money from him meant for the delivery driver. For tips. I feel bad that I stole the tips, but I needed to get out of there. After a year and a half, I’d saved up about a thousand dollars. I swore to myself I wouldn’t spend another birthday there.
“I had a phone. He used to go through it, so I had to be careful, but I saw the listing for your position and I applied. I didn’t think I’d get it, but Alyssa called me. When I knew I had the job and she asked me when I could move in, I knew this was my shot, and I left that morning. I got a rideshare. Ihad a bag of clothing I’d hidden in a bush outside, but it wasn’t there. I don’t know if he’d found it or what. I didn’t want to risk going back inside and packing another, so I figured I could just get anything I needed later on.”
“A secluded job in the middle of the woods where you have free room and board.” I smile. “Too good to pass up.” A soft blush hits his cheeks. “That was very smart of you.” I think about our day. “That’s why you didn’t want to go into town, huh?”
