“I don’t give a shit about any of it. You hear me? I just give a shit about you.”
Unable to speak, I let him patch me up. My hand throbs, but it’s nothing compared to the thrum in my chest as he cleans me up. “I want you to ice your knee after this, okay?”
He swallows and gives me a stilted nod. “Yes sir.” A soft smile spreads on his face. It’s tiny, but it fills me with so much relief. “It’s a dish, Felix. It’s only a dish.” He finishes my hand. It stings a little, but with the pressure in my chest letting up it doesn’t feel so bad.
I shock myself when I reach for him, squeezing my arms around his waist. I know he needs to lie down. Still, I hold on to him. “Thank you.”
One large hand lands on the back of my head, the other going around my body and hugging me tight. “I got you,” he whispers. For the first time in a long time, I believe that. Or... I’d like to. “That’s it. Just breathe. I got you.”
My heartbeat slows. Warmth. So much warmth. I want to dive into it. “I’m sorry.”
“Remember what I said about apologizing?”Oh yeah. “Does it hurt a lot?”
I know he means my hand, but I can’t help thinking the meaning is deeper. It hurts everywhere—my heart, my mind,my body. I want to know when it’ll stop. Will it stop? “I’m fine.”
He pulls back, cupping my face and giving me a look like he’s trying to search for all my secrets. With his body this close I’m ready to tell him everything. My fingers itch to touch his beard. “I will never, ever lay a hand on you. I don’t care how mad I may get. I don’t care what you break or burn in this house. You are safe here.” His thumbs dust along my cheekbones. “Okay?”
This closeness is too much. I step back. “Okay.” I look to the floor. There’s cake smeared across the wood. I don’t want him cleaning it. “Can you wait in your room? Lie down. I’ll bring you an ice pack after I clean.” I need a moment to myself. My heart is still racing. “I’ll be right in.”
Grey thankfully doesn’t question me. “I’m going to shower first, okay? I’ll be in there when you’re ready. Take your time.”
He lets me go and I turn, taking my first full breath since sitting at that table. My mind is a mess. My heart is beating fast for two different reasons. Steven. Grey. Two men on opposite ends of the spectrum.
I focus on cleaning up the chocolate and set the dish in the garbage to take out in the morning. Once everything’s cleaned up, I stand for a few moments with my eyes shut just trying to calm down. I’m okay. Grey didn’t hurt me. I’m alright.
I grab the ice pack but go to my room first, changing out of my bloody clothes and into a pair of boxers and a shirt. I really like this Otters one. I go down to the laundry room, hoping I can get the stains out if I wash it quickly enough.
After I getthe laundry going, I walk down the hall and go into his room, freezing when I see Grey standing there in only his towel, the fabric draped low over his hips. Damn. How does someone get a body like that? All lean muscles, cut lines, and strength. “S-sorry.”
A warm chuckle leaves his lips. “Just turn for a second.”
I turn, clutching the ice pack, and I hear the towel drop. “How bad is your knee?” I ask, looking to my side.
“I’m clothed.” I turn and nearly swallow my damn tongue. “Clothed” is questionable, because those thin boxers hug his muscular thighs like they were tailored just for him. Veins, muscles, and warm tan skin. Damn. Oh damn. “It hurts. I won’t bullshit you.”
I stop drooling and notice the more prominent limp he has. He struggles to the bed, slowly lying on it, and I help him with what I can, gently lifting his leg and placing a pillow under it. “Let me know if it hurts.” I place the ice pack across his knee and watch him wince as I do it. “You okay?”
“I’m okay.” He gives me a sad smile. “What about you? Are you okay?”
I sit down on the edge of the bed. “I’m embarrassed,” I admit.
“Nothing to be embarrassed about.”
“It wasn’t you. I just um... I want you to know that. I wasn’t afraid of you.”
Grey nods, thinking a moment before reaching for my hand and holding it in his. “It’d be okay if you were.”
“I don’t think I am. It’s just something happened, and I don’t know what.” I’ve let Steven drain me for years. But I’m out of there now. I won’t let him haunt me for the rest of my life.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
I shake my head. “Not right now.” I’m relieved when he doesn’t argue. My mind is still there, in that kitchen, butmost of me is present in this room, sitting so close to this giant man. “Can I ask you a question?” I want to know if I’m the only one who feels this.
“Anything.” His sleepy eyes land on my mouth, then my eyes.
“Down ...” A different flavor of embarrassment nearly chokes off my words. I want this, though. I want this for me. For once I want to make the first move. I want to ask for things. I don’t want to let Steven win anymore. He doesn’t get to make decisions for me or shape the way I live. “Down at the dock, were you going to kiss me?”
Grey stills, searching my eyes, and there goes that tongue, licking a path along his bottom lip. “Um...” He smirks slightly. It’s a small movement, but it eases my anxiety. “There may have been a moment...”
