I swig my drink as the memory hits me. I’ve been injured before, but nothing compared to that pain. “I got injured during a game. A player knocked me. I think on purpose, but I’m not sure. He’s a dick. Notorious for all the bullshit he pulls. I’ve had so many surgeries and at this point, if I get injured again, I’m just asking for permanent disability. Add in my age and I’m done.”
“That must feel awful.” He looks at me. “You don’t look that old.”
“Thirty-three is basically sixty in hockey.”
“You’re only five years older than me.” We both flinch when my phone goes off. Atlas’s name appears, but I ignore it. Maybe Oli called him to complain about the way I acted the other day.
“Haven’t even told my friends yet.”
“Who were the guys here today?” I notice his can is empty. He drank that fast. I hand him another. I’ll take care of him tonight. I owe him after acting like a dick earlier.
“The one with the tattoos is my best friend, Oli. The other guy with the curly hair and shit-eating grin is his fiancé.” I snort. “Fiancé. So weird to say.”
“He seemed pretty angry. I didn’t know neck veins could pop like that without exploding.”
I chuckle. “They don’t know why I’ve been so depressed.”
“Why not tell them?”
I sit with that for a moment, watching the firelight lick his can. Leaning back, I look up at the onyx sky. It’s the perfect night. Stars coat every inch, not a streetlight in sight to disturb them.
“I don’t know. I don’t know anything anymore. Maybe because once I tell them, it’s real. It’s happening.” I swallow. “I wasn’t ready, ya know? I wanted to retire on my terms. I wanted one more cup, one more shot. I thought I had years left.” I jolt when I feel his fingers slide into mine.
They give me a squeeze, a gentle one, and a soft hum crawls from my chest. “I’m really sorry. I can’t imagine how horrible that must feel.” Sadly, he lets them go, but his fingers leave a warmth tingling through my hand. “What position did you play? Are there positions? I know nothing about hockey.”
I smile. “I was a defenseman. Basically, the defender of our goalie and teammates.” I look at him. “You’ve never watched hockey?”
He shakes his head. “My ex he—” He bites his lip. “He liked football. Never watched hockey.” He looks at me while my brain processes what he’s saying. “Sorry.”
“Why are you apologizing?”
“I don’t know, habit?”
“Well, rule four. No more apologizing.” His glassy eyes meet mine. Sitting out here is nice. It’s been a while since I’ve enjoyed someone’s company like this. I can see him swaying in his chair. “You’re kind of a lightweight, huh?”
He laughs. “I don’t drink much. Or at all.”
I crack another one for him then toast with my nearly empty one. I’m not sure of a lot, but I am sure that I’ll makethis work. I have to, for my sister, my friends, and maybe a little bit for me.
I watch Felix drink, his wavy brown hair lit up by the fire. He smiles with his eyes, and I like that. I like it when people can’t hide their happiness. He looks happy right now, and there’s something in knowing he’s happy here with me that makes me feel good.
Time to stop being an asshole.
SIX
Grey
“You know this is a bit ass backwards.” With his arm draped over me, I’m just waiting to tumble. It’s not that he’s heavy, just floppy. Floppy and drunk and okay maybe kind of cute with his pink cheeks and glassy brown eyes. Fuck, he’s out of it. Felix laughs, resting his head on my shoulder, and soft heat wraps around my stomach. The corner of my lips tug.
Somehow, we make it to his room, but I stop when I look inside the guest room. There’s nothing there—no bags or anything—just the bed and dresser. This room used to be Atlas’s detox room when he got really drunk during the off season. I’d keep him here for a week or two to reset. “When is the rest of your stuff coming?”
His head lolls. “Huh?”
“Your things.”
We make it to the bed, and I gently drop him on top of it. How is he this drunk after just a few beers? He only had three. “This is all I had when I left.” He blinks. “So tired. Doyou need help in your room? I have jobs to do.” He points his finger in the air.
I laugh. “You can barely help yourself right now. Get some sleep. You can work tomorrow.”
