“Get your food then get the fuck out of my face.” My teeth are chattering in my skull. I nod, turning back to the counter and grabbing a couple of slices.
“There’s um, two different kinds, and I just, I’m so—” I look up at him. “Right. Um. There you are.” With my plate clutched in my hands I nearly sprint to my room and shut the door and lock it.
What the hell have I gotten myself into?
FIVE
Grey
I am an asshole.
I wish I could say I’ve sat in this room enjoying the meal Felix made me, but that’s not the case. Okay no, I did enjoy the pizza. It was damn good. I don’t know what came over me. Seeing him standing in my office just set me off.
It’s been about an hour, and my mind screams at me to find him and apologize. He shouldn’t have snooped, but seeing him flinch that way when I slammed the door took me back to a place I have nightmares about.
Don’t be like him.
Fuck, how bad have I gotten?
This isn’t me. I’m not this person. I don’t get angry, and I sure as hell don’t take it out on strangers. Yes, Felix was in my room, but maybe he was telling the truth and he was just looking at my things.
Or maybe he’s another fan pretending to be a caregiver and he’s already robbed me. Even as I think it, I wave the thought away. I don’t think he is. Alyssa is really careful aboutthat now. She’s giving me one more chance and I’m already fucking it up. I grab my plate and go down the hall. I stop at his door and lean in, hearing a faint, familiar noise.
My stomach plummets when I hear the soft sounds on the other side of the door. “Fuck.” I go back to the kitchen and drop off my plate, and I check the time. It’s nearly seven now, and I’ve been cooped up in my room all day.
An idea comes to mind. I have someone else in the house to help me now, so I should be fine.
I walk back to his room and knock softly. For a moment I hear nothing, so I knock again. “Felix. Can we talk?” Still, it’s quiet.
I jolt as the door opens a sliver. His face is blotchy and he rubs his eyes, embarrassment bright in them. “Are you okay?” He looks down at my knee.
“Yeah, um, I am. Actually, no, I’m not.” I’m not good at shit like this, but I upset him, and worse, I scared him. I feel like shit. “You want to go outside? Talk for a bit?”
He takes a deep breath, shaking his head. “I don’t have a coat or anything with me.”
What? It has to be like forty out right now. “One moment.” I limp down to my room, checking my closet and finding an old flannel coat I grew out of years ago. I walk back down to him. “Here.”
He reaches through the door, still not opening it all the way. “Um, okay. Alright.”
I nod. “I’ll be outside starting a fire.” I walk down to the kitchen wearing only a hoodie and my boxers. I look fucking ridiculous, but you couldn’t pay me to wear pants right now. My knee has a heartbeat. I grab the six-pack of beer Alyssa got me from the local brewery then grab my cane. My knee is screaming at me, but I just need to start the fire. I can do that. It’s easy. Then I can sit.
Halfway to my fire rack I need to stop. It’s just pain.I’ve dealt with pain. It’s fine. Nausea rolls through me. I take a deep breath. Then two. I’m fine. “Let me.” I turn at his voice, and Felix doesn’t wait for me to agree, he just grabs a bundle from the wood pile and carries it over to the pit.
“Thanks.” I follow him over and get to work putting the sticks down and cross hatching another bundle.
With the fire set up, I light the papers inside and watch as it ignites, then I put the mesh lid over the top and let it burn. It’s been a while since I’ve sat out here and my legs are freezing, but I’ve missed this too much to go back inside right now. It’s been too risky to do this alone. If something happened, I wouldn’t be able to move quickly enough. The fire will warm me up soon.
Felix takes one of my Adirondack chairs and I can feel the tension coming off him. His fight or flight is in overdrive as he sits on the edge of the chair, uncomfortably awkward, looking at the fire. “I want to apologize for earlier. I didn’t mean—” he starts, but I hold my hand up and watch the way his eyes track its movement.
“Have a drink with me.” I sit down in my own chair, grabbing a beer and handing it to him.
“Should you be drinking with the?—”
“Don’t give me a lecture. Give me a drinking buddy.”
“It’s just Alyssa said?—”
“Drink or your fired.”
