There's small bottles of shampoo and conditioner on a shelf to the side. Once I'm done I stand under the cascading water enjoying it massaging my skin. I close my eyes letting the tears flow. The hurt, frustration and terror of the last couple of days comes out in floods. I never thought I could be so gullible. I'm just as angry with myself as I am with Alistair. I wish I could change so much but what's done is done. I can't change any of it now. For my own sanity, I need to forgive myself for my moment of weakness and move on. The tears stop flowing and I feel renewed, refreshed and ready for what lies ahead.
I hear the door to our room open and close, so I turn off the shower and grab a towel. There's a knock on the bathroom door.
“I'm back. You OK in there Krista?” It's my mum.
“Yeah just coming.” I wrap the towel around myself and poke my head around the door. I smell fish and chips from the chippy making my mouth water.
“I got you cod and chips once your sorted. Lots of salt and vinegar on top.” She smiles knowing it’s one of my favourites. I'm easy to please. “They didn't have much but Ifound underwear at the pharmacy and a pair of jeans, a t-shirt and jacket in the charity shop. The jacket is a size too big but it looks alright.” She hands me a larger bag with clothes in and a smaller bag with what looks like toothbrushes, toothpaste and a hair brush.
“It'll be perfect either way. Thank-you so much!” I close the door.
“Put your old clothes into that bag when you’re done. We can’t leave them here.” She thinks of everything that woman.
I brush my teeth and hair then get dressed. The bra and knickers are a perfect fit. The jeans are dark blue and skinny and the t-shirt is dark green with 3 ¼ length sleeves. It exactly something I would wear. The jacket is brown leather but nice. There's even socks and a pair of black biker boots. My mum is a miracle worker! I leave the boots and jacket off for now and put my destroyed clothes in the bag then join mum in the other room. I grab my rolled-up paper filled with greasy goodness and take a seat at the small table to the side of the room. Mum's sat across from me. Her hand hovering over her food deep in thought. I wonder if she's talking to my dad? I don't want to interrupt her so I tuck into my food. It doesn't take long till I've pretty much cleared it. After a while Mum breaks out of her reverie and enjoys her dinner as well.
“How are you doing?” Her voice is soft and concerned.
“Much better after that shower. It's just what I needed.” I lick my fingers clean and scrunch up my empty paper and throw it in the bin. After grabbing us both a glass of water I join her back at the table. “Were you talking to dad just now?”
She smiles. “Yeah. Just giving him an update. It’s not so much talking. More like images and emotions. You'll experience it someday.”
It's hard to understand my feelings about the idea of my dad being able to see me grow up whilst I thought he was dead.He knows so much about me and yet I don't know him at all. Mum has talked about him quite a bit since yesterday but it’s not the same. I want to know him too, but chances are I never will. Not all the time Hades and Alistair are alive.
I go around to the back of mum's chair and wrap my arms around her. Resting my head on her shoulder. “Thank you for everything. I love you.”
“I love you too. So much. I'll always be here for you.”
We stay there for a moment until the silence is broken by my mum yawning. “I'm gonna take a shower. There's a kettle there with tea and coffee. I won't be long.” She kisses me on the head then takes a small bag of clothes with her to the bathroom.
By the time I've made myself a coffee and mum a tea she's come back out looking refreshed but no less tired. I decide to be the caring one now. I pass her the tea.
“I put extra milk in so it’s pretty much drinkable now. Then your gonna have a good long sleep OK?”
She takes the tea and flashes me a smile over the cup with a small nod.
Chapter 10
A few hours later its early evening and mum has been asleep for a couple of hours. I'm so relieved that she finally got the rest she needed. It's my turn to look after her now. Even if it is just playing look out. I'm sat on a chair by the window. I promised her I wouldn't leave the room so I'm occupying my time with some magazines. Honestly, I don't see the obsession with seeing terrible pics of celebrities as front-page news at all interesting. Fashion looks like it’s taken a nose dive into 'Panem' and apparently my star sign means that my career will take off if I specialise in electronics.
I throw the magazine down and look out the window. The sun has set and it's dark outside with the slightest flicker of dark blue sky in the distance. The village is totally still. Most houses are dark with no lights on and with no street lights either it's almost pitch-black outside. Once again, I have the feeling of being watched. I have the lamp next to me on and I can make out my outline in the glass of the window. Through it I see something move on the roof of the church. I lean forward and cup my hands around my face to get a better look. It's a big bird.Maybe an owl? It's staring right at me. Its eyes glow bright white through the darkness. It's gaze holds my own until moments later it stretches its huge wings and flies off into the night. I watch the empty blackness that it flew into for a while before closing the curtain and leaning back into my chair.
That was the biggest bird I think I've ever seen. It's wing span must have been at least 10 feet wide. Must have been some sort of native Scottish bird or something.
I sit in silence for a while. The only sound that of my mums slow, deep breathing. My eye lids grow heavy and I sink further into my chair.
*
I'm driving a car. My hands are distinctly masculine and it's pitch black outside. I'm driving down a long winding road at high speed but the car hugs the road and pushes into the corners with ease. I hear an owl screech through the darkness and I slam on the brakes. I yank on the hand brake then open the window and extend my arm out of it. A large black owl with piercing white eyes perches on my arm.
“Show me where they are.” Alistair's voice leaves my lips. It's calm but with a hint of irritation. I look the owl dead in the eyes and get swept up in them. I see flashes of an abandoned building in the Scottish highlands. I recognise it instantly with the Cerberus mark above the door. I see myself and my mum getting in our car and driving away but from an elevated point of view. It's like I'm seeing a replay of our day but from a birds’ eyes. Then I'm watching myself read a magazine in a lit window. I fix myself with my own gaze.
*
Searing pain explodes in my head. It's like my eyes are splitting in two and I scream in agony. I cradle my face in my hands as I cry. I feel arms wrap around me and as the pain fades, I'm back in our room at the B&B with my mums worried facelooking up at me. She's kneeling before me and I'm back in my chair in front of the window. The pain in my head and eyes fades until it’s gone completely.
“Sweet heart what's wrong?” My mums’ concerned voice pulls me back the rest of the way to reality as she pulls my hands from my face and brushes the tears from my eyes with her thumbs. “Was it a nightmare?”
“I don't know... It doesn't make sense... I saw myself and you but I wasn't me.” I struggle to put the pieces of my dream together. “I was Alistair and then I was an owl. A big black owl with white eyes...”
