Taking a bite of toast, he chewed thoughtfully for a moment before asking, “Do you have a drug problem, Ripley?”
I was both surprised by his bold question and a little impressed. My friends wondered the same thing, though they never said the words aloud. I knew they cared, and they wereafraid of saying or doing the wrong thing. Auryn was a user himself. He didn’t seem to have such qualms.
“Yeah, I probably do,” I admitted, taking another sip of coffee. Finding solace in the hot elixir. “You do too.”
Auryn nodded. “Can’t argue that. I did a line of blow when I went downstairs to make coffee. Can’t start the day without it.” He paused for a long, heavy moment before adding, “I guess we’re both a bit of a mess, huh?”
“Just a little.” I offered him a small smile. There was something about being able to talk about this with someone who understood that made me feel a little better about the situation.
Picking up a piece of toast with strawberry jam, I took a small bite. We sat there together for a few comfortable minutes eating toast and drinking coffee. I couldn’t wait to get home and shower. Maybe grab a nap before my shift at the restaurant tonight. At the same time, I didn’t want to leave. Sitting there in Auryn’s bed with him next to me felt like exactly where I wanted to be.
“Did you really have a back injury?” Auryn asked, curiosity in his deep brown eyes.
“Yeah, I really did. It was pretty bad for a few weeks. I took more of the Oxy than I was supposed to, and I liked the high. So I kept taking it. Now my back is fine and I can’t get through a day without it.” I shrugged, thinking about my mom. “Maybe I have an addictive nature. I don’t know. My mom sure does.”
Auryn gave a shake of his head, a sharp bark of laughter escaping him. “My mom would beat my ass if she knew I was doing so much coke. She’s a social drinker, but she’s always been pretty anti-drug. Although after my dad skipped out on us, she went through men like they were crack, so maybe she has her addictive tendencies after all.”
“My dad left too. He was fed up with her constantly being strung out on something. After he left, it got worse. I can’tremember the last time I saw my mom sober. We don’t get along very well, so I try to stay away. It’s the only way to keep the peace.” Sharing this with Auryn didn’t make me cringe the way it often did when I mentioned her. The way he nodded along as I spoke while eating his toast made me feel heard and understood.
“I’m sorry. That sucks. I get along pretty well with my mom, for the most part. Maybe that’s because I moved out when I was seventeen. My older brother had already been out on his own for a few years by then. We don’t see each other much.” Auryn spoke like he’d come to terms with this a long time ago. Had he though? Like me, I suspected there was a lot more to his drug use.
I took another bite of toast, suddenly hungry now. “Sometimes I feel like my mom regretted having me. Like she blames me for ruining her life or something. She seemed to enjoy robbing me of a normal childhood. She wouldn’t even let me have a pet. Not even a fucking fish. I always wished I had a kitten. Something soft and cuddly to love. That probably sounds pretty lame.”
“Not at all. It actually sounds really sad.” Auryn drained the rest of his coffee, staring into the empty mug. “I wish there was something I could do to help. But I doubt one addict can really help another.”
Uncomfortable with the sensation making my chest warm, I blurted, “Why would you want to help me? We’re nothing to each other, right? Nothing about us is real. It will all be over soon anyway.”
I wasn’t trying to be a jerk or ruin the moment we were sharing. I was trying to protect myself from a man known to be a player interested in nothing more than the chase. There was something about Auryn that drew me. Making me wonder what it would be like if this wasn’t a fake relationship. Those were dangerous thoughts.
Auryn started to speak, then stopped. When he opened his mouth again, he said, “Yeah, I guess you’re right. That doesn’t mean that I don’t care what happens to you. I got you home safely last night. I’m not an entirely unfeeling asshole.”
There was some defensiveness to his tone. Like maybe Auryn didn’t enjoy the reputation that he’d created for himself. There was nothing I could do about that. He built that reputation brick by brick. If he was unhappy with that, then he would need to change it.
Did he want to change it? I was too afraid to ask.
“I know. I’m sorry if that came out wrong. I appreciate everything you’ve done to help me out.” I placed a hand on his thigh, drawing his gaze to mine. “Really. It means a lot to me.”
Auryn covered my hand with his. I wondered why his knuckles were so bruised as my twisty turning stomach fluttered a little. When neither of us spoke for some time, he raised his empty mug.
“I could go for a refill. How about you?”
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
RIPLEY
After I got dressed in my own clothes, Auryn and I went down to the kitchen for another coffee. We found Codie and Stray in there having breakfast. It felt incredibly weird to be waking up and starting my day in their house.
“Hey girl,” Codie greeted me with a bright smile. “How are you feeling today?”
“Like I’m tempted to call in sick to work again,” I laughed. Holding out my empty mug, I said, “I’m here for a refill.”
Auryn plucked the mug from my grasp and got to work brewing more coffee. I took a seat at the small table near the window where Codie sat with Stray. We killed some time by talking about the hockey game last night. Small talk to fill the silence. Codie kept sneaking these little glances at me, like there was something more she wanted to say. Once Auryn brought me a fresh coffee, Stray excused himself to the living room, motioning for Auryn to join him.
When Codie and I were alone, she leaned across the table, keeping her voice low. “We were all so worried about you last night. Are you sure you’re okay?”
The concern in her eyes make me feel bad. Even though I hadn’t known the joint was laced, I’d been far too quick to accepta drug from someone I didn’t know well. I’d been in party mode, wanting to get wasted. Not something I was proud of.
“I really am okay. You don’t have to worry about me. I’m sorry if I freaked you guys out. I thought it was just weed, but there was something else in it. I would never have accepted it if I’d known.” I saw the skeptical glint flash through her eyes. Did she think I was looking for a high like that? Something dangerous that could have hurt me. I hoped not.
