“I’m happy for you. I’m proud of you. And I just…” I sigh. “I want you to know that even though I’m not leaving with a gold medal, you have made me feel like I won anyway.”
“Roman…”
“I’m sorry if that’s cheesy, but it’s the truth, and I take pride in my honesty.”
He nods against me but says nothing.
Now’s his chance to tell me he feels the same, that this could be something, that we could try. That even though it’ll be really hard, we could figure it out together.
He doesn’t, though, and that’s answer enough for me.
I don’t like being aloof, but I do like being relaxed about situations.
Ending this is going to hurt, but if what we did is all he wanted out of it, then I’ll give him that.
Whatever he wants.
I’m woken up sometime later. Nico is still holding on to me like a koala, and through the dark, I see his eyes wide open and looking at me.
“I have to go,” he whispers.
I nod, unable to speak once again. I’m not sure what I would say if I could anyway.
Don’t go?
Stay with me?
Move to the US?
None of that is possible and I know it. So, I don’t even try.
He doesn’t move, just keeps staring at me. I don’t let him go. I’m not ready for this.
I don’t know how long it is we stay like that, staring at each other. I wait for him to say something, and when he doesn’t, I know for certain what this means.
This is done.
That’s okay.
It has to be.
He pushes up, hovering his body over mine as he leans down to kiss me, long and hard.
He’s quiet as he gets up and finds his clothes, pulling them on. He stands in the doorway, hand around the knob, and watches me for a long moment.
My throat is so tight I can hardly breathe. I can’t bring myself to say goodbye.
He says nothing as he walks out the door.
I hold my breath, hoping like hell that he’ll come back in.
Just one more kiss.
One more hug.
One more word.
But I hear the front door open and close and I know… I just know that he’s gone.
