The guilt is eating me alive, twisting low in my stomach, sharp, hot, and unforgiving. No matter how much I want to blame Gavriil, my body still remembers how good it felt to give in to him, to see him so turned on he was rambling in Russian. At least that’s what it sounded like when he lost control all because my hand was on him.
I hate that I enjoy having such an effect on him.
And that he so easily got me worked up.
I went from wanting to claw his eyes out to whimpering for him way too fast.
I momentarily forgot myself, but it won’t happen again.
Still, whoever I had become in that shower, I knew I wasn’t the same woman Dominik had fallen in love with. And I don’t know how to become her again.
I roll onto my other side for the fifth time, my eyes aching from the exhaustion that’s not strong enough to knock me out.My mind just won’t shut up, refusing to let me forget about what Gavriil and I did together for even a few minutes.
The memory replays on a vicious loop, heating my skin with sensations I don’t want to name.
I shouldn’t want him like this. I shouldn’t linger on how good it felt to have his hands roaming all over me.
And I shouldn’t have crossed a line with him I can’t uncross.
I gave into him, just like he knew I would, betraying Dominik.
A frustrated sigh drifts from me as I twist over to lie on my back, staring at the shadows on the ceiling as the bedside lamps gently illuminate the room. Maybe I could fall asleep easier if Gavriil actually came in and turned them off.
Where the hell is he?
“Screw it,” I mutter before pushing myself up to my feet and walking over to the sink to run cold water over my face.
The chill washes away some of my exhaustion, leaving my mind just a little clearer and sharper. This guilt will rot me from the inside out if I don’t tell Dominik the truth.
I should’ve told him the moment I saw him.
I don’t want to lie to him. How can we ever trust each other if we keep secrets? Even if the truth will hurt him, he needs to know.
I have to tell him what happened. What Gavriil did to me. And worse, what I let myself do with him.
Just like before, I have no idea how I’m going to put the incident into words because I can barely describe what happened and how I felt at the time in my own head, but I have to try. I owe Dom that.
When the bedroom door opens, my head jerks up out of the sink. Water droplets glide down my face as I turn around to see Gavriil tugging off his dark red tie and black suit jacket. My heart rate immediately spikes.
“Waiting up for me?” Gavriil purrs, already too close.
I wipe my face with my arm, ignoring the fluttering sensation in my stomach. “I can’t sleep with the lights on,” I lie.
Gavriil tilts his head as he slowly unbuttons his white shirt, eyes on mine. “That’s the only reason? Just a little bit of light?”
“Yes.” Of course, my voice wavers against my will.
Gavriil hums under his breath as he slips his shirt off leaving him in his black slacks. Shadows grace his bare torso, further defining every muscle on his body. And with them are the marks my nails left behind. “You’re a terrible liar.”
A scoff breaks from me. “No, I’m not.”
I sound like a guilty child arguing with her parents.
Gavriil tosses his shirt to the side before unlocking and entering the cage, prompting me to step back until the small of my back hits the sink. “Maybe another hot shower would help you fall asleep.”
My teeth grind at his blatant smugness. He’s so pleased with himself for what happened earlier, but I refuse to let it happen again. I don’t care how close he gets to me, and he’s closing the distance between usquickly.
“I’ll pass,” I say, forcing my voice to harden.
