But not mine.Nevermine.
I miss my brother, but I’m still so damn angry at him.
My fingers threaten to shake, but I hold my knees instead, my nails piercing the tough material of my jeans. A new feeling churns in my stomach, the nausea catching me off guard as bile rises up the back of my throat.
Guilt.
If I hadn’t told Petrov to contact Gavriil so that I could accept his offer, Archer could’ve had more time to escape. I rushed things. I didn’t think clearly. I didn’t warn Dominik.
And now there’s no way to fix any of it.
“I was thinking to myself earlier that my bedroom could use a little more artwork on the walls,” Gavriil comments as he slowly roams along the front of the cage, his fingertips drifting across the bars. “It’s a beautiful piece of you,” he says. “But I think I’d like something new.”
My stinging eyes lift to the canvas of me on the other wall, heaviness settling on my chest. The day that I took that picture feels like it was years ago, in another lifetime. The woman staring back at me with tears in her eyes and shame written across her face is a different person than the one who is stuck in this cage right now.
I no longer have a brother for whom to make sacrifices. I’ve done things now that would have terrified that girl.
Somehow, I have to be even stronger now if I’m going to get through this month in one piece, but all I can do is sit here withmy guilt, grief, and fury while Gavriil tries his best to get a rise out of me.
Gavriil pauses near the door of the cage. “I think I’d like to see you in something red this time. Maybe bent over for me instead of seated.”
Oh, I’d like to seehimcovered in something red.
I stare at him through the bars, seeing a glint in his eyes. I can’t tell whether it’s eagerness or amusement, but it’s just another reminder of how he holds all the cards in his hands. Well, almost all of them.
I can choose whether I eat, drink, or speak to him.
Gavriil lets out a noise that borders on a bored sigh before turning and striding out of the room, the guard trailing him like a puppy.
I’m able to breathe a little easier when he’s not in the same room as me. Whenever he enters, the very air seems to gravitate toward him. Like even gravity bends to his demanding presence.
I grimace as I push myself to my feet, my head aching from even just a little bit of movement. My eyes linger on the glass of water for a second, but I tear my gaze away and walk to the sink instead.
Tiny bottles of hand soap, shampoo, conditioner, and body wash form a line along the edge of the sink. Unfortunately, if I wanted to hurt myself, there isn’t even enough to effectively drink to make myself sick.
I wish there was a mirror above the sink like there would be in a normal bathroom, but I suspect that Gavriil was concerned about me or his previous prisoners breaking the glass and using it as a weapon against him or ourselves. Unfortunately, he’s not stupid.
Things would be a lot easier if he was, but he’s several steps ahead at all times. That’s easy for him to accomplish when othermen are quick to throw themselves out of his way or let him walk all over them.
God, I hate him so much. Every time I even think about him, my entire body burns, starting as a simmering warmth deep in my stomach that spreads everywhere like wildfire.
One of these days, I’m going to make him pay for what he did to me, to Archer, to Dominik.
I wet my hands and press them against my hot cheeks, trying to cool myself down internally and externally.
Water drips onto my dry lips, but I don’t lap it up. I just stand there in front of the sink, leaning my weight against it because I feel like collapsing and not getting back up.
Dominik’s words run through my head, warning me of how much Gavriil would be interested in me if I kept acting bold around him and speaking out when I should’ve kept quiet. I’m afraid that if I lash out, I’ll crumble to pieces. That the cracks running through my heart and soul will splinter even more until I fall apart at his feet.
I can’t do that.
I won’t react. I won’t utter a word. I won’t sustain myself the way Dominik would want me to just so that Gavriil can toy with me and get off on the excitement of it.
All I can do is try to breathe through the ache in my chest.
I would have endured anything to save my brother.
Now there’s nothing left worth enduring it for.
