Harsh words bubble up in my throat, but they can’t make their way past my clenched teeth. I want to remember the good things about my brother, but nothing that Gavriil said is wrong. He might as well drive a knife into my heart.
But what makes me feel a little better is that I sense pain from Gavriil too. He won’t talk about his family or his past, and I suspect it’s probably for the same reason why I don’t say much about mine.
It’s too depressing. Too painful.
When I don’t reply, Gavriil exhales slowly before turning his back on me. “Maybe I’ll take some pictures of you later. Iwouldn’t mind having a canvas above my bed. Or maybe just a mirror would work since you’ll be in it with me soon enough.”
And he’s back.
I keep my mouth shut as I watch him lock up the cage and leave the bedroom, my pulse pounding. It feels like I made a little progress and none at all. But at least I kept my composure for the most part.
This will be a long game between us.
I’ll play if it eventually earns Dom and me our freedom, but I don’t know how much of me will survive it.
17
Dominik
No matterhow violently I struggle, the blindfold doesn’t budge, the knot biting into my skull as darkness swallows everything.
I don’t know how long I’ve been like this, my hands chained overhead to a ceiling hook, blindfold cutting off my sight, earplugs sealing me inside my own head.
I can’t see. Can’t hear. Can’t even shift my weight without metal biting into my wrists.
I don’t know what the fuck Gavriil is up to with all of this bullshit, day after day, but I want to wring his goddamn neck right now. How long will the torment last this time?
My jaw clenches as I try to slow my heart rate, but it keeps racing out of control. If I couldn’t feel the cuffs on my wrists and the floor beneath my feet, it would feel like I’m floating in nothingness.
There’s nothing but darkness, silence. And the sound of my own pulse losing control.
Panic crawls up my throat, tightening until swallowing feels like a mistake. The last time I felt something like this was years ago when I was young. Too young.
Gavriil was away for the weekend, leaving me alone with our father. I forgot what I did to piss him off, but it couldn’t have been anything too serious. Our father’s temper ignited faster than a struck match.
He didn’t want to look at me, so he shoved me into my bedroom closet and locked the door, sealing me inside total darkness. It didn’t matter how hard I pounded my fists or how hoarse my voice grew from begging.
He didn’t speak to me at all. I don’t know if he was even in the house or not. He could’ve left forPakhanbusiness for all I know, but it lasted the whole weekend because I wasn’t freed until Gavriil returned home and kicked down the door when he couldn’t find the key.
Of course, our father was pissed about that too and punished Gavriil for breaking the door and interfering with my punishment.
I always felt bad when Gavriil got in trouble for me, but I was glad that he was back home. Dealing with my father alone felt like a death sentence. Not that I wanted anyone else to be dragged into that hell. But it was more tolerable to endure with someone else who understood.
I tried to help Gavriil evade our father’s rage when possible, but I often just got us into even more trouble. That’s when Gavriil would be angry with me, and it hurt worse than when our father did it.
Probably because I had to rely on Gavriil for protection. Without him, I would’ve had no one to turn to, and that terrified me more than anything else at the time.
Before the memory can fade from my mind, light explodes in my vision as the blindfold is ripped off. I blink a few times to let my eyes get adjusted, a blurry figure coming into view.
You’ve got to be fucking kidding.
Gavriil stands in front of me like he did in the past, conquering the darkness by letting the light in. But this time it isn’t a rescue.
“What the fuck do you want?” I snap at him, cold bitterness filling me.
“I can’t check on my little brother?” Gavriil replies after plucking the ear plugs out, his eyes slowly sweeping over me.
“Not without an ulterior motive,” I mutter, glancing past him to see two guards standing outside in case I try to lash out.
