Temporary.
Alina probably only agreed to sleep with me because it gives her some control over me. When I lose control, she wins. She’s smart enough to have realized that by now.
Inviting her into my bed was foolish knowing that she would rather be with Dominik.
But I’m going to hold her tonight anyway.
33
Alina
Every second Gavriilspoons behind me, his arm around my waist as if holding me hostage, causes a new type of guilt to develop.
I don’t think he’s slept all night.
Neither have I.
This is a sweet sort of intimacy with him that I could get used to.
That’s why I feel so bad about manipulating him.
Despite all the horrible things he’s put me through, I know that letting himself be even a little vulnerable with me is rare for him.
It feels like a gift.
One that I’m taking advantage of or squandering when I should be more grateful.
But it feels wrong to be falling for the man who killed my brother. For letting him touch me, kiss me, hold me.
Minutes pass, though, and I’m not strong enough to leave his bed, to leave him.
One of these days, my guilt may very well tear me in half.
While my conscience is continuing to wage war inside me, Gavriil quietly says my name.
“Yes?”
“If I let Dominik go, let him take you with him, would you return after the fighting is over?”
My heart drops.
“Just to fulfill your original agreement for the rest of the month,” he rushes to add.
“Gavriil,” I whisper as I cover his hand on my stomach.
After a few moments of silence, he says, “You won’t come back if I let you go.”
“No, that’s not…I don’t know, but there’s something I need to tell you,” I say, hating myself for opening my mouth but unable to stop. “When you release Dom, what you said about him stabbing you in the back, you might be right.”
I hold my breath as I wait for him to erupt in anger. To lash out at me for deceiving him.
“I know.”
That’s it. That’s all he says.
“You know?” I ask as I finally glance over my shoulder to see his face in the dark.
“He’s wanted me dead since I made him pull the trigger on Archer.”
