I selfishly need a little more time with her, with her goodness.
Alina finally pulls off her dress, her hands moving slowly and delicately. I think she’s nervous, but she won’t admit it.
I know I’m a prideful person, but who went on a hunger strike and nearly starved herself to death?
I shrug off my suit jacket and take off my shirt, the cool air hitting my bare skin. I glance over my shoulder at her, my eyes lingering on her breasts as she removes her bra. Her nipples are already hard, goosebumps lifting on her skin.
Maybe I should’ve given her something warmer.
Alina glances over at me, but she doesn’t tense up or flinch at the sight of me staring at her. She watches me instead as I unbuckle my belt, her expression going through a range of emotions.
She doesn’t know how she feels, while I can’t control how I feel.
I’d prefer her predicament.
I pull off my pants and toss everything in my laundry basket, keeping the floor clean from discarded clothes, trash, or clutter. I can’t stand things being out of place.
Yet, she’s not in her cage where she belongs.
Alina pulls on the t-shirt that I gave her, the end reaching mid-thigh. She pulls back the covers on the bed and slips in under them, surprising me by lying on her side to face me.
I put on a pair of sweatpants and my shirt before copying her, resting on my side with half a foot of distance between us.Something stirs in my chest as we gaze at each other in silence, the air between us growing tense.
Shit. What am I doing? I should take her however I want, but I can’t bring myself to move just yet. My muscles feel locked up.
Alina’s foot grazes my leg under the covers. “You don’t have to be all closed off with me.”
I cock an eyebrow at her. “What do you mean?”
Alina shrugs. “You always try to put up this front. You shield what you’re thinking. You hide what you’re feeling…unless you’re drunk. You never smile.”
Why does she care? She thinks I’m heartless and selfish, so why would she want to know what’s going on inside my head?
“Nothing good comes from wearing your heart on your sleeve,” I tell her.
Alina rolls her eyes. “You can be kind and honest without looking weak. You don’t have to always be so cold and ruthless.”
She has too much hope. One day, it’s going to get her killed, and I don’t want that.
Why won’t she guard herself better? Probably because my brother has gone soft and allowed her to let herself become vulnerable.
“You should know better than anyone that as soon as you show even a hint of where your weakness lies, someone will make you pay for it,” I reply.
Alina sighs and reaches out to touch a loose strand of hair on my temple. “Thinking that way must be exhausting.”
Everything is exhausting. My whole fucking life has been exhausting, but I’d rather kill myself maintaining control than give it up to someone else who could hurt me or my brother.
I fought too hard for both of us to let my guard down now.
“I sleep fine,” I say as I take her wrist, lowering her hand from my face.
Alina frowns as I place her hand between us. “You look tired.”
“I’ve been busy.”
“You’re going to run yourself into the ground if you try to keep this up,” she replies as she shakes her head, her brow furrowing like she’s…concerned. “You need help.”
This is going too far. Too deep. I didn’t bring her into my bed for a therapy session, and I need to make that clear.
