He was frantic now, scratching at the bed as though trying to get through the sheets themselves, looking for something, searching. He muttered under his breath, but she couldn’t catch the words.
‘Walker, what are you doing?’ No response.
Gabi threw herself towards the light switch and brightness flooded the room. She dragged herself to sitting and reached her hands out to him. Walker’s eyes were open but unseeing. His mouth moved constantly, a conversation with someone she couldn’t see. He was dreaming. But by the look of fear on his face, it was a nightmare. Gabi held his shoulders in her hands.
‘Walker, it’s me.’ Her voice was firmer this time. She shook him, gently at first, and then with force. His head snapped up; his eyes took focus. He sat bolt upright. First, he saw her, really recognised her, then his gaze danced around the room, into the shadows of the corners, out towards the door, before finding her face again.
‘You were having a nightmare,’ Gabi said, keeping her voice soft, soothing. She’d heard you shouldn’t wake people if they were sleepwalking. Was it the same with people having nightmares?
Walker dropped his face into his hands. Gabi rubbed his arms, suddenly realising how cold he looked in the spring night. She moved to pull a blanket around his stiff, tense shoulders.
‘It’s okay now,’ she murmured, leaning her forehead on his. ‘It’s okay,’ she repeated. He rested there for a second, then stood abruptly, making the bed rock.
‘It’s not okay, though.’ Walker’s voice was broken, flat. He ran his hand through his hair. ‘It never will be.’
Before she could answer or even think of what to say, he pulled his jeans on and slipped his T-shirt over his head. Gabi pulled the covers up to her front, unsure as to what was happening, suddenly feeling naked and exposed. The light no longer felt like a warm glow, more like the aftermath of a bonfire when it’s nothing but ash and ember. It threw dark shadows beneath Walker’s eyes.
‘Walker,’ she said again, to avert whatever was about to happen. ‘Don’t go.’
Their gaze met and held. His eyes flashed with some pain she didn’t understand, and his jaw was set hard. She reached her hand out to him in an effort to make some kind of connection, to bring him back from wherever he’d gone. But he shook his head, picked his boots up from the floor and turned away.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Walker
Walker ran. His arms pumped, his chest heaved, and still he couldn’t get the images out of his head. His boots echoed on the pavement as he pounded towards home. The streets were deserted, the houses were dark.
He eased through his own front door and took the stairs two at a time, glad that it was silent and still inside. He couldn’t face small talk with Alex and Amber. When he saw that Alex’s door was closed, Walker breathed a sigh of relief and slipped into his own room.
A wave of anxiety overtook him. The fear from his nightmare still lay there, dark and slick like oil at the bottom of his belly. But it was morphing into something else, into desperation that he’d never escape from his past.
He threw himself onto his bed and slammed the mattress with his fists. Why had he fallen asleep? How the hell could he have let that happen? It had been such a good day, and he’d thought he’d be having a night of fun with Gabi. He never should have closed his eyes.
The images rose again in his mind’s eye like an old black and white movie. He saw the plume of his breath in the winter air. He heard his own voice calling out, and felt the burn of his fingertips against the ice. He shook his head violently, rubbing at his own face with his hands. If he could claw those memories out, he would. But he could never forget. And he could never forgive himself.
His phone rang. Gabi’s name on the screen. He pressed red. How could he talk to her again after that? She must think he was a real coward. Scared of a dream. And then overreacting to the point of running away. He punched the wall, hard, and the sharp pain in his knuckles felt almost good.
His phone rang again. Gabi. He stared at the handset, wanting it to stop. He let it go to voicemail but it rang immediately again. There was nothing for it. He should just apologise and get it over with. Then at least he’d have done the right thing. Even if she didn’t want to ever see him again. Why would she? He accepted her call.
‘Walker?’ Her voice was low, urgent. ‘Are you okay?’
He opened his mouth to reply but, to his horror, nothing came out apart from a strangled type of sob.
‘Oh, Walker.’ Gabi’s voice dropped even lower, and he pressed the phone against his head and closed his eyes. The darkness engulfed him and all he wanted was to fall into it, with no dreams, no images, no ghosts.
‘I want you to listen to me,’ Gabi said. He swallowed and nodded, wordlessly, holding the phone like a lifeline.
‘Trust me, Walker, because I know what you need right now, and I want you to do exactly what I say.’ He recognised her choice of words. They came from a time when he was in control, not the pathetic mess of a man he’d turned into. If she wanted a strong man, then she’d come to the wrong place.
‘Are you still wearing your boots, Walker?’ Gabi asked softly and he cleared his throat and managed to say yes.
‘Take them off now.’
He did as she instructed. Pushing them off by the heels, he let them drop with a clunk to the bedroom floor.
‘Now, get into bed.’ Gabi’s voice was caring but firm. He obeyed. He slipped between the covers, still in his jeans and T-shirt, and pulled the duvet up to his neck. Despite his clothes, his bed was cold, and he shivered.
‘You need to rest,’ Gabi was saying. ‘So, get comfortable. Turn on your side, on your right. Curl your legs up.’ She waited a moment, and he did as he was told, wondering how she’d remembered his favourite position to sleep.
