“I am really proud of the woman you are becoming.You are smarter than I have ever been.I wasn’t good at school like you are.”
“I’m not that great.I just like to read and write.I have a B in my math class.Trust me, I am not a genius; I just pay attention and turn in my assignments.”
“Yeah, when I was in high school, I left my homework crumpled up in my locker.”
I laughed.“No wonder you didn’t do very well.”
James wasn’t the best father in the world.When he got in his funks, he was irritable and hid from me, but we had fun on the days he pushed through.Sometimes, we fought over little things, like when I didn’t help my mom with the dishes or when I was tired of his cranky remarks when he got off work.However, at the end of the day he was there for me.
I had so many people in my life who cared about me.James cared in a way that I wasn’t sure I would survive without.I know now that he was preparing me for a time when he couldn’t drive me around anymore.He might have known his fate before I realized he was hurting.In his death, he left me his prized possession.Driving helped James collect his thoughts, and he passed that opportunity on to me.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Butterfield
Song: Born to Run—BruceSpringsteen
July 1st, 1975
Leaving Moose Creek with nothing other than the clothes on our backs was weird.Typically, we left in the late August heat and had to pack up the back of the truck with all of our possessions and the newfound treasures we collected over the summer.Sweat would pour down our backs as we cranked the windows down to cool off.But it was July and only seventy-six degrees.I patted Fawn’s confused head when she jumped in the back of the pick-up, not understanding why we were leaving so early.
“Thanks for letting us stay over.It helped a lot,” I said, thanking Betsy.
“Not a problem!Please keep in touch and have a safe trip back.”Betsy gave me a hug and waited until we were ready to leave.
She lingered around until I finally said, “Don’t worry about me.I will be okay.”I wasn’t sure if I would be okay, but I didn’t want her to fret.
“I can drive us home, Momma.”
My mom did not argue like she had in the past.She didn’t have much fight left, so she flung me the keys, and I drove around the familiar turns, finding solace in the yellow dotted line.I gripped the wheel tightly, thinking about how James’s cracked hands glided from side to side.I missed him.We had to return to the home he built for us without him.It was surreal.
During the first week at home, I slept in my momma’s room with her.My twin bed was too singular, and Momma’s king was too vast for her tiny body.We only had each other, and we both didn’t want to be alone.But Momma only got up to go to the bathroom and occasionally eat.It didn’t take long before I couldn’t stand being cooped up in James’s house while Momma cried for hours on end.Our rent was due soon, and I knew I would have to be responsible to make up the money.Momma’s haircut money paid the electric bill.If we wanted to survive on our own, we needed more income, since we spent most of our savings on the funeral.My parents weren’t extremely transparent with their spending habits.Yet, it was obvious we were not rolling in cash.I kissed my momma’s forehead, who was lying on the couch staring at the ceiling.Then I let Fawn go to the bathroom and drove to the grocery store.
The grocery store down the road from our house was a Grocery Outlet.It was a nice store that happened to be the place where my mom and James’s love story started.Although Grocery Outlet was a chain store, this one was owned by a sweet couple.They liked to give back to the community by donating to the food bank, the animal shelter, and more.
I never had to work for something I wanted other than in school and needed to learn how to balance everything.I was determined to make a difference as James did.If working were anything like school, I knew I would be okay.I could memorize content, apply it to tests, and follow the rules to a T without criticizing my teachers or making their lives more difficult.The idea of having a summer job wasn’t something new.I thought I would have at least a year or two before flipping burgers or scooping ice cream rather than sitting by the pool or messing around in Moose Creek.But it was a better time than any.It was better to be distracted than to be free with my thoughts.
