She changes the subject then to what everyone has been up to while I was away.I try to follow along, but all I can think about is seeing Foster again.
“I should get home.I’ll talk to you tomorrow, though,” she says, hugging me tightly.
“Okay.Text me when you get home so that I know that you made it there safe.”
“I will.”
She waves as she heads out the door, and I lock it behind her.I clean up our wine glasses and then stare at my mostly bare apartment.
Maybe work will help distract me.
I grab my notepad and curl up on the couch.Normally, I’m inspired whenever I come up with a new design.I can get lost in drawing and lose track of the world.Not tonight, though.All I can think about tonight is Foster.
I’m trying to sketch when there’s a knock on my door, and I hurry to answer it.I know that it has to be Foster since Cameron just left.I’m surprised that he’s stopping by.I know that he was bringing his dad home today.I had almost offered to help them with that, but I figured that the brothers would want some time alone with their dad.
I’m surprised that Foster came over.I know that he’s exhausted after spending the last few days at the hospital.He and Ford took turns sleeping there and visiting him.I’ve been bringing them food and anything else that they might need.
“Hey, is everything alright?”I ask him as soon as I open the door.
“Yeah.Dad is at home, settling in.Ford is going to stay with him tonight.”
“I’m sure your dad appreciates that,” I say, closing the door behind him.
“He hates it,” he says plainly, and I snort a laugh.“He keeps yelling at us to go back to our own lives.”
“So, he’s an easy patient then,” I joke, and Foster laughs.
“Sure.I think that he’s just not used to being fussed over so much.It’s getting on his nerves.”
“I think that I’d hate it too,” I admit, and he nods.
“Same.I still don’t think that I’d be as bad as him, though.I mean, he tried to help me fix his car this afternoon.I had to physically hold him back from crawling under the hood.”
I laugh at the image of Mr.Miller in his cast trying to fix his car while Foster and Ford tried to hold him back.Both brothers got their work ethic from him, that’s for sure.
I smile, and then we just stare at each other for a minute.That awkwardness that I was telling Cameron about hangs heavy between us, and I swallow, wishing that I hadn’t messed things up.I wish that we could go back to the way things were between us.
“I’m sorry,” I blurt when the tension becomes too much.
“For what?”he asks with a frown.
“For messing things up.Can we just go back to the way things were before… the other night,” I finish.
I don’t have it in me to say before we slept together.The truth is that I know that I won’t be able to forget about our night together.
I know that I’m taking the coward’s way out.I should just finally admit to my best friend that I’ve always loved him and wanted to be with him.I can’t though.I need Foster in my life, and I don’t want to make things awkward between us or to lose him.If I can only have him as my best friend, then that will have to be enough.
He doesn’t answer me, and my stomach and heart both drop.
This is it.I’ve messed everything up, and now I’m about to lose my best friend forever.
I can feel tears starting to sting the back of my eyes, and I swallow hard, trying to force them back.
“Can we both just forget that it ever happened?Please?”I whisper.
ELEVEN
Foster
