From that moment on, Ambrose pretended he didn’t know me, and I was never one to chase after a man, so I matched his energy. He was drafted into the league and went on to play professional football for the next decade. I had no more communication with him after the day I told him I was carrying his child.
It wasn’t often that I allowed myself to think about how Ambrose dismissed his son and me. I hadn’t thought about that time since I shared with my son who his father was, and that was over eight years ago.
Nyeem loved football, playing both sides of the ball as a standout wide receiver and defensive back. His high school coaches didn’t discover his talent on defense until his junioryear, when one of his teammates was injured. His sperm donor played the same position on defense, so I wasn’t surprised.
Although no one outside our immediate family knew of their connection, I believed his father’s absence was why Nyeem preferred to play wide receiver over defensive back, then ultimately chose not to pursue football beyond high school. He hadn’t said it out loud, but I knew my son more than he knew himself.
I sighed as I stood, stretching again before cleaning up my desk from lunch. I had a lot I wanted to finish before leaving for the weekend. I was in my office on the main floor of the Eliza Atkins Gleason Library on the campus ofBlack Elm University, where I worked as the director of library services. I’d held this position for the past nine years, after gaining several years of experience at one of the city’s local libraries andBlack Elm City College.
I’d loved reading since I learned my first word. My parents got me a library card on my third birthday, and I’d spent many weekends and summer days perusing through books. I knew I wanted to be a librarian before going to high school.
After working at my desk for a few hours, I went out to the floor. It was busy because the students were beginning to prepare for their final exams, which were a few weeks away. I was stopped a few times by people asking for assistance before I reached the front desk.
“Hey, LaDonna. Did Professor Boone ever come and pick up the envelope I left for him?”
LaDonna was one of our library clerks.
“Yes. He came right before lunch and told me to thank you just in case he forgot to email you.”
“Good. I was hoping he’d make it before we left for the day.”
The library was open on weekends, but I only worked weekends a few times a year. Dr. Boone taught African AmericanStudies and needed some information to prepare for his summer classes. The files were too large to be emailed, so I saved them on a flash drive for him.
“Do you have any plans this weekend?”
LaDonna was a few years younger than me and was married with elementary-aged children. She asked me every Friday if I had any plans, and more often than not, I didn’t unless it involved my son.
“Nyeem has a track meet tomorrow, which will take up my morning and early afternoon. Tomorrow night, Skye is dragging me to a singles mixer atPitch Black. I tried to get out of it, but she wouldn’t take no for an answer.”
“Good for her. You need to get out more. Your husband won’t find his good thing if you’re always at home.”
“And that’s exactly why I stay home. I don’t have time for these men to play in my face.”
“They aren’t all like that. I keep telling you to let me introduce you to a few of my husband’s friends. They’re good guys looking for a good woman.”
I shook my head. “I’m good, girl. I don’t want to inadvertently hold it against you if it doesn’t work out with at least one of them.”
“I understand. I’m glad you agreed to go out, though. Nyeem is leaving the nest soon, and it’s time you start living a little more for yourself.”
“My family and Skye have been saying the same thing since the beginning of Nyeem’s senior year. I agree, but I don’t think I’ll be jumping in headfirst.”
It wasn’t as if I didn’t date or had even been single since Nyeem was born, but most of the men I went out with just wanted a few fucks, and the others had something against single moms.
The only real relationship I’d had was about five years ago, and it lasted a little over a year. I liked Daniel a lot, but he started having random, angry outbursts over the smallest things. It only took one time for him to grab me too aggressively before I called it quits.
Since that breakup, I’d been single as a dollar bill and hadn’t even been on one date. Of course, I got lonely sometimes and wouldn’t mind being put through somebody’s mattress, but it was what it was.
“Listen, sometimes headfirst is the only way to go. When I met my husband, I’d sworn off men. My sister dragged me to one of her work events, and when I spotted him, I couldn’t stop staring. Our eyes kept connecting because he was staring too. He worked up the courage to approach me, we talked for a few hours, had sex the first night, and have been inseparable since.”
I was shocked by her story because LaDonna didn’t strike me as someone who would give up the goods on the first night.
“The first night, LaDonna?”
“Judge me if you will. At least I married him.”
“That’s true.”
We shared a good laugh and talked for a few more minutes before I went back to my office. The last two hours flew by, and my day had come to an end. I wished a good weekend to those still working and headed to my car.
