Chad was right, a shock for sure, and he doesn’t need to know about it, but that massage was great, even if I didn’t love having a stranger’s hands all over me.
Touch is something I’m usually far more reserved about, but with the wholecouple’slabel and all of Chad’s talking during the beginning, I was so distracted that I barely had time to think about what was happening. Then Chad actually listened when I told him to be quiet, so I ignored the thrill of him finally doing something I asked him to and attempted to focus on the massage itself.
It probably would’ve been more relaxing if I could get the image of Chad being the one giving me the massage out of my head though.
Why did he offer to come to my house and do that? We barely know each other. If he was into men, I’d have assumed he was coming on to me, but I don’t even thinkhe realizes how the things he says could be taken. I’ve never met a more confusing straight-identifying man, that’s for sure.
It also didn’t help that I was hyperaware of the fact that Chad was mostly naked only a couple of feet away from me. He thought that I was fit? The man could easily be an underwear model. He obviously works out a ton, and he’s one of the most conventionally attractive people I’ve ever met.
He also keeps commenting on my tattoos. I wonder if he’s ever thought about getting any. He seems like the type that would get something he thinks is funny, probably on his ass, but as far as I’ve seen, his skin is free of ink. Temptingly so. Smooth and tan with such defined muscles. A perfect blank canvas.
But I won’t be giving Chad any tattoos—that would be ridiculous. I need to stop thinking about it and how easily he’d probably agree if I asked. Besides, I don’t even have my tattoo gun here, and I won’t be seeing him when we’re back in New York, so it doesn’t matter. None of this matters.
We’re at the hotel rooftop pool now, and seeing Chad nearly naked twice in one day feels unfair. I’ve been trying to avoid him by staying on my lounge chair, away from the water. I don’t know what it is about Chad that I’m even drawn to. He’s so loud and talkative, cheery and positive. It should be annoying, not endearing, but it’s like my gaze is drawn to wherever he is, and I can’t seem to look away for long.
“Come on, let's play! It’ll be fun.” Chad’s voice cuts through the crowd from his spot in the pool.
“We’ll go easy on you,” Blake says, and it looks like Chad is already attempting to climb onto his shoulders.
Kieran and Jace just smirk at each other from their place next to them in the water. Kieran shakes his head. “There’s too many people to play chicken. I don’t think the other people here want someone splashing them.”
“They’re ridiculous,” Ash comments, laughing beside Liam and me on the lounge chairs.
“Have they really always been like this?” I ask Ash, referring to Blake and Chad.
“Like what? Obnoxious and all over each other?” he asks fondly. “Oh yeah, I met them in middle school, and they’ve always been the popular, life-of-the-party kids that everyone wanted to be friends with because they always seem like they’re having the best time. They did absolutely everything together and just built off each other’s silly ideas. I’d say it was actually worse growing up. If one of them did something, the other had to try to one-up them.”
“That sounds like the opposite of John and I back then,” Liam says with a chuckle.
“Blake was eventually the star football player too. It was all very cliché,” Ash adds. “We were all on the same team, and I used to hate how casual they were with their affection for each other while I felt like I was desperately trying to hide any evidence that I was attracted to other guys. Sports are weird though, and their touching and antics were completely accepted. I never actually thoughteither of them were queer though. And it was hard to even really be jealous of them when they’ve both always been so nice.”
“And how physical they are isn’t weird to you?” I ask Liam. I knew they were close, but I haven’t spent this much time with them both before, and I can’t help but feel like maybe Chad is into Blake.
If his own fiancé doesn’t seem to worry, though, then I probably shouldn’t. Chad isn’t my anything. But I keep thinking about the way Chad asked Blake if he should take his underwear off in the locker room this morning. Almost as if he was asking for his permission. I’ve been around Blake and Liam plenty, and I know how happy Blake is to have Liamin charge,but Chad seems to revert to letting Blake make the decisions between them.
And I don’t care about how submissive Chad seems. I’m just looking out for my friend, that’s why I asked.
“No, not really. Blake’s mine, and I’m his; we both know and respect that,” he starts. “But, growing up, Chad was really all Blake had besides his dog. He has always had a complicated relationship with his family and they always made him feel excluded, but Chad never did. He’s more like a brother to Blake than his actual siblings ever have been, and Chad’s family took Blake to do things with them that his own family should’ve, so for years his only safe place was his best friend. I’m lucky to be that now, and I know Blake loves me more than anything, so it doesn’t feel weird. I’m happy he has other people who love and care about him.”
Wow. That was a far more detailed explanation than Iwas expecting Liam to share, and when I think about it, I guess it makes sense. Liam is the only friend I’m close with, and our friendship has never looked anything like what Blake and Chad have.
There was Luke, but that was different. He was always more than a friend, even before I realized why I cared about him so fiercely.
I don’t think I’m envious of Liam for getting married, I’m happy for my friend, and Luke’s been gone for a long time. Any thoughts of having that future for myself died with him. But maybe a tiny part of me is, because I keep thinking about what he would say about all of this.
Chad is absolutely nothing like Luke, but for some reason, I think Luke would really like him. Every time I catch myself almost smiling or suppressing a laugh at something Chad says or does, I hear Luke’s voice in my head.There’s my favorite smile, why are you trying to hide it?Or,You’re allowed to have fun, ya know?
I know I can get too in my head, too stuck in the past. But I’m trying. I’m here, in Vegas, celebrating my best friend. That should be my focus this weekend.
“I didn’t know all that,” I finally respond to Liam.
“Yeah, I think Chad being in Blake’s life really helped keep him positive and happy, even when his home life was bleak. They definitely have a similar outlook on life, even now,” Liam adds.
“I’ve never met anyone who seems to be as happy as they are,” I admit.
“They never let the bullshit get them down or hold them back,” Ash agrees.
I turn back to them in the pool, all four of them smiling and laughing. Kieran clearly gave in to Blake and Chad’s request since he’s now on Jace’s shoulders, holding Chad’s palms, seeing who can push the other over first.
