Afterwards, I asked for his number, and he baulked – ‘What do you need my number for?’ – and I was embarrassed and tearful. ‘I’m thirty-one years old,’ he said, ‘we can’t date, honey.’ He was almost twice my age.
‘But why?’ I asked.
‘Are you kidding? I’m friends with your mom. She would kill me.’
I began to cry.
‘I’m sorry, baby,’ he said, ‘but I couldn’t resist a virgin.’ He pulled up his jeans and picked up the condom. ‘And don’t worry, I’m not going to tell anyone. So next time, you can pretend it’s your first time again, or maybe that’s what you’re doing now – you were pretty convincing.’
‘What? No! I would never …’ And yet, I just had. I asked him if I could keep the condom.
‘You little freak,’ he said. He kissed me again and ruffled my hair like adults do to kids, and then he pulled a twenty-dollar bill out of his wallet. ‘Buy yourself something nice, honey.’
I took the money and he sauntered out as if nothing had happened. I gathered up my clothes and got dressed. I was so confused after that encounter. The first time was supposed to be special, but I had given it away to a stranger who I would probably never see again, and he’d given me money? What did that make me?
In fact, I did see him just one more time, walking out of the church with Mom a few days later. When I approached them, Mom said, ‘Hi, Ruby, you know Kenny, don’t you?’ and he looked very uncomfortable and made an excuse to hurry away.
‘How do you know him, Mom?’ I asked.
‘He’s a paramedic who volunteered to help with Bible Camp,’ she said.
‘But I’ve never seen him in church.’
‘Really? Well, isn’t that nice of him, then, to volunteer like that?’
I didn’t say anything.
A few days later, the evening before school term started again, I spilled a jug of lemonade over Dad’s briefcase after dinner. It was a simple accident, but Dad was mad because the liquid had got inside the briefcase and ruined some paperwork he needed for the next day. He shouted at me, and I told him he shouldn’t have left his briefcase beside the dining table. Erin tried to defend me, saying, ‘It was an accident, Dad, she didn’t do it on purpose,’ and Dad said, ‘Erin, you are very sweet defending your sister like this but I have yet to hear an apology from her.’
It was just typical. I made a stupid mistake and Erin managed to make herself look good. I burst into tears and ran upstairs to my room, slamming the door behind me. Later, Mom came up with a bowl of ice cream and said I should come downstairs. I took my time and, when I did go down, I stepped outside and sat underthe kitchen window, readingHarry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban.I overheard Mom and Dad talking in the kitchen. Dad was mid-sentence when I caught my name and tuned in to the conversation.
‘– and Ruby’s head is in the clouds. Erin was so grown up at Ruby’s age. How can we have two kids that are so different?’
Mom’s voice: ‘Don’t worry, Ruby will catch up. I think she’s just finding adolescence hard.’
‘Erin is perfect, though, Maureen, we don’t have to nag her to study, or to brush her teeth, or pick up after herself.’
‘Ruby is just herself. You can’t expect to have two identical children. She’s in a hurry to grow up too if you hadn’t noticed.’
‘Well, I think she should take life a bit more seriously.’
‘She’s sixteen. Let her enjoy this time, Doug. I know she can be silly at times, but she has endless years of responsibility ahead of her.’
‘You know I love her, but she doesn’t make it easy.’
Those words rang in my ears for weeks.
Two weeks later, Milo had stayed over the night before but left early for his shift at the diner before going to college. That morning at breakfast, Erin got a letter from theNew England Journal of Literatureto say that they had accepted her short story for publication. Erin was astonished because she had never submitted a story to this journal. Milo must have done it on her behalf. Erin tried calling Milo, but he wasn’t allowed to take calls at work. When Erin showed Mom and Dad the story and the letter, they were over the moon. Dad was a subscriber. He hadn’t ever known anything about Erin’s writing. She told him that her teacher didn’t like the kind of stories she wrote. He said it was a prestigious magazine and, after he read the piece, he was impressed. Mom read the story and pronounced herself baffled, but she was full of pride.
Dad called some of his friends to share the good news. He said that Erin should have the day off school. We were all excited.We would go to New York City on the train and celebrate by going shopping, and Mom said we could try and get tickets forThe Lion Kingmatinee. Dad had church meetings until late. Erin looked happy. I assumed I was going too, but then Dad said I couldn’t afford to miss school, whereas Erin was ahead of her class and one day wouldn’t make any difference to her prospects. Erin wanted me to come too but Dad was firm. ‘I’m sorry, kiddo, not this time. You can go when you give us something to celebrate.’ Mom even congratulated Erin on speaking up for her little sister. None of them noticed the tears in my eyes. I wiped them away and pretended to be happy for Erin, but I hated her.
As I set off for school, Erin said that Milo had left a chemistry book behind, and he might call to the house to pick it up. Mom said there wouldn’t be anyone in and he’d just have to do without it.
All through the first period in school, I couldn’t concentrate on anything. It wasn’t fair. I was the one who loved musical theatre, not Erin. It wasn’t my fault that she was smarter and prettier than me and that her boyfriend was so besotted with her that he sent her story to a journal. Tasha asked me what was wrong but I couldn’t tell her. It would sound like I was jealous. I thought it was unfair that I had this body and this brain, and Erin’s were superior. After the first period was over, I went to Principal Bermingham’s office and told him I had menstrual cramps and needed to go home. This was famously the way to get out of school. Everyone knew he was squeamish about any ‘girl problems’. His face reddened, and he offered to call my mom, but I said she was away. I would go home to bed. He let me leave. It was on my way home that I devised my plan. I hoped I’d get back in time.
17
Ruby
