‘You didn’t. No point in catastrophizing. Would you like me to stay with you?’
‘No, I’ll be fine. Thank you.’
I waited fifteen minutes in there before I emerged, and while the party outside was still in full swing, the joy I had felt was gone. I felt numb. I helped myself to some food and sat for a while with Aunt Christine.
‘I heard about the gatecrasher,’ she said, ‘the brass neck of her! And she’s the one you had trouble with before.’
‘Yes, she lost her job because of me.’
‘Sounds like she deserved to.’
I felt flat. Lifeless.
‘Are you tired? Goodness me, it’s seven thirty already. What time do you think it will finish up?’
‘I don’t want to stop people enjoying themselves.’
‘It’s a fabulous party, Sally, what a success. I’ve met lots of your friends. It seems like you’re well liked here.’
I wondered if I would be well liked if everyone knew that I had almost attacked Caroline with a poker. I wondered if Udo and Nadine saw me differently now. Udo was watching me. I didn’t want him to tell Martha what I had done. Eventually, he approached me. ‘Are you okay? That was intense.’
‘I’m so sorry.’
‘You really scared her. You were fierce. You scared me a bit.’
‘I hired the security guard in case my birth father turned up. When she blew the whistle, I thought it must be him.’
‘But you saw that it wasn’t?’
‘I know, but I was so angry. I didn’t know what to do with the anger.’
He was silent for a moment.
‘Thank God you were there, Udo. I could have hurt her.’
He laughed then.
‘It’s not funny. You know I’m seeing a therapist? I still have issues because of my childhood.’
‘Look, it’s over. You didn’t hurt anyone. And who knows what Caroline is capable of? She’s terrifying too. She’s going to have one hell of a hangover.’
‘Was she drunk?’
‘Very. Lina couldn’t get rid of her. That’s why she blew the whistle. She won’t bother you again. I imagine the shame will be too much.’
‘I have shame too.’
‘Look, you shocked us, but it’s over now. Relax.’
The pill Angela gave me was doing its work. I began to feel more at ease. This was something I would process next week with Tina.
Back out in the garden, Ger McCarthy took an accordion out of an ancient-looking case and began to play some old traditional tunes. Valerie, Angela, Nadine, Stella and Kieran (who had left their children with his brother), and Laura gathered in closer and we made a circle with our chairs and rugs.
Just then, Aunt Christine tapped me on the shoulder. ‘Sally, I don’t want to worry you, but I think there’s someone in your dad’s office? I heard noises in there. Furniture being moved. But there’s a “Private” notice on the door. Are any of the guests missing?’ I looked around and counted in my head.
‘Mark.’
‘Let’s go and see what he’s doing.’
