‘So, I’ve read your dad’s letters –’
‘There’s more than one?’
‘Yes. It’s okay, love. The thing is, I have to call the guards, and they will want to talk to you. But I don’t want you to worry because I’m going to be with you, and I’ll explain your condition to them and I’ll make sure they are gentle with you. But, and this is the hard bit, they will probably want to search the house and you should come and stay with Nadine and me for a little bit, while they carry out their enquiries.’
‘What enquiries?’
‘It’s just that … it’s … unusual to burn a body of a family member, it’s not legal, and I’m so sorry to tell you this, love, but there were funeral instructions in his letter … among other things.’
‘Oh. Why would the guards want to search the house? On TV, they always leave a terrible mess.’
‘They’d want to reassure themselves that your dad died of natural causes, but it’s clear in his letter that he knew he had little time left. It’s obvious that he trusted you, and that he loved you. I’m confident the post-mortem will show that he was already dead.’
‘I don’t want visitors and I don’t want to come to your house.’
‘Sally, if I can’t control this, you might end up in a prison cell for a few nights or more. Please believe me. Your mum and dad would have wanted me to help you. In the letter, your dad said you should ring me when he died.’
I pulled at my hair again. She reached out but I flinched away from her. ‘Sorry, I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking,’ she said.
‘But he didn’t say when to open the letter. He just wrote to open it after he died. I didn’t know I was supposed to open it that same day.’
‘I know, but I’m afraid there is going to be a lot of fuss now. I’m going to call the guards, and they will want to interview you. You might need a solicitor. But I will be with you and I’ll explain anything that your dad hasn’t explained in the letters, although he was thorough.’ She paused. ‘There are things in the letters that you may find … upsetting. But we will take it slowly. Your dad only wanted you to read one section per week. There are three different parts.’
‘Why?’
‘Well, there’s … a lot to take in. I thought your mum and dad were open with me about your circumstances, but it seems there was a lot they kept hidden from everyone.’
‘About me?’
‘Yes, Sally. But we can discuss that another time. I have to call the guards now. Would you like a mild sedative before they come? To help you stay calm?’
‘Yes please.’
6
Two guards came, not one. One man, one woman. I didn’t look at their faces. They were nice and calm until I told them I’d put my dad in a refuse sack and then into the incinerator. The smaller one raised her voice. ‘What in the name of God did you do –’
Angela asked her to lower her voice. The pill that Angela gave me made me feel like I was in a kind of dream world. They said they would have to get a forensics team straight away and that I needed to pack a bag and leave the house, but that I must leave out the clothes I had worn the day my father died. They groaned when I presented them with a neat pile, freshly laundered. Angela said she needed to give a copy of Dad’s letter to the guards and she photocopied it in his office while I went to my room to pack a bag. The woman guard followed me, tutting. I used Dad’s suitcase. I didn’t have one of my own. He wouldn’t mind. It was dark, and it was after my bedtime.
‘Will you please not make a mess?’ I said. The man said they’d do their best and the woman made a harrumphing noise and said, ‘You’ll be lucky.’ Angela gave the man the photocopied pages and asked him to make sure that they were given to the highest-ranking officers in the investigation. He nodded. He said little. He asked for the keys of the Fiat. I gave them to him but asked him to make sure they repositioned the seat when they were finished going wherever they needed to go in it. They said they would need me to come to the station in Roscommon in the morning. Angela said that she would bring me there herself.
As I left the house, I heard the woman guard say ‘Fucking psycho’ to the man, but he noted that I heard and shushed her. She turned to look at me and I was able to read disgust on her face.
I don’t know why she was disgusted. The house was spotless. As I walked towards Angela’s car, four patrol cars arrived through our gateway and people started putting on white plastic suits over their clothes. They set up these huge light beacons pointing towards the house and barn. Angela said they were treating it as a crime scene.
I was feeling a little drowsy but I wanted to stay. In lots of dramas, police planted evidence or contaminated the scene. I needed to make sure that wouldn’t happen. Angela assured me that it wouldn’t.
We didn’t say much on the drive to her house, but I looked at her then while she watched the road. She was a nice rounded shape. Like grannies in old TV shows. She had curly grey hair. She wore a check shirt and a denim skirt and black ankle boots. I liked the way she looked. She glanced over at me and smiled and frowned at the same time. Dad always warned me about mistaking people for how they look with how they act, but we both liked Angela.
7
I woke up in a strange bed in a strange house, although my own blue blanket was on the bed. I had packed it last night. I opened my mouth to scream, but Dad had always said that I mustn’t do that unless I was in danger. Was I in danger? I would shortly have to explain again why I had disposed of my dad. I shut my mouth and didn’t scream. I remember Mum saying that if you tell the truth, nothing bad can happen to you.
I heard some commotion outside the bedroom door. ‘Hello?’ I called.
‘Sally, I’m leaving some green towels inside the bathroom for you. The shower is easy to use. We’ll see you downstairs for breakfast in about twenty minutes, okay?’
It was Nadine’s voice. Nadine was Angela’s wife. I had met her around Carricksheedy several times. She was younger than Angela and wore her long blonde hair in a ponytail. She walked their dogs and tended to their chickens and designed furniture for her job. I didn’t like the dogs and always crossed the road. ‘We’ve put the dogs outside so you don’t have to worry, okay?’
