‘Stop saying things.’
‘Does anyone know you exist? It’s not normal to be locked behind gates. He’s a monster. Can’t you see?’
I shouted then and pulled away from her. ‘He is not. You’re a monster and I hate you!’ I aimed another kick at her but struck the corner of the wall instead.
‘You know what? I think I hate you too,’ she said. ‘I’m ashamed of what he has made you.’
Dad arrived at five to eleven. When he saw the mess and the blood, he told me to go to my room and stay there.
‘But it’s Sunday,’ I complained.
‘Go to your room,’ he roared at me and I scurried into the room next door.
He hadn’t even said hello or hugged me. What if he put me in her room as punishment for killing her? What if he chained me to the bolt in the wall? I stayed in my room for hours and hours, afraid to leave even though the door wasn’t locked and I was hungry. I blocked my ears when I heard, or thought I heard, some muffled screams.
Eventually, Dad came in and I tried to judge by the set of his jaw whether he was angry or not. He opened the door and kneeled down to my level.
‘I’m so sorry, little man, I should never have put you through that. I promise, I’ll never leave you there again. I didn’t think it would be fair to leave you on your own for two whole nights, but you might have been better off.’
‘Is she dead?’
‘What? No. She had a baby.’
‘My brother or sister?’
‘It’s a girl.’ His lip curled.
‘Are they all right?’
‘Yes. You kicked her?’
‘You said I could.’
‘I suppose I did. I guess I didn’t realize you could kick that hard. She’ll be all right eventually. Let’s go and get some food, okay?’
I watched television while Dad prepared dinner in the kitchen.
I couldn’t stop thinking about Denise Norton and my baby sister.
‘Dad, she said I lived with her for the first few years and then you took me away. Is that true?’
‘Not entirely. I needed her to breastfeed you. You know what that is, right?’
I nodded. Dad got National Geographic magazines. I’d seen photos.
‘But as soon as you were ready, I brought you out here to spend time with me. She was of no use to you after that. I taught you how to read and write.’
‘She doesn’t have any books. Will you give her some of mine?’
Dad didn’t say anything and I could tell by the way his jaw clenched that he didn’t like me asking that. I couldn’t stop thinking, though. As Dad presented me with beef and onion pie, I said, ‘Dad, what did she do?’
He understood what I meant.
‘Terrible things. I’ll tell you when you’re older.’
‘I think you should give her some new blankets.’
He reached over and took my hand. ‘Peter, she’s a nasty bitch and now she has pushed out another nasty bitch. They don’t deserve your consideration. I wish you had a better mother.’
