‘Shut up.’
She was quiet for a while but she stared at me through the gloom.
‘Could you bring that lamp a little closer? So that I can see you properly?’
‘No.’
‘I want to show you something.’ She took a teddy bear from a shelf behind her. ‘Do you remember Toby?’ He was a cute bear with a red bow around his neck. ‘He was mine,’ she said, ‘and then when you were born, he was yours. Would you like to have him back?’
I remembered Toby more than I remembered her. He was dirty now, and one eye was missing. It disturbed me to look at him. I desperately wanted to hold him, but it meant getting closer to her.
‘No, thank you.’
‘I thought I’d never see you again.’
‘Why is your belly so big?’
‘I guess I’m having another baby. You were in my belly once, the same as this one. You’re going to have a little brother or sister.’
‘How did the baby get in there?’
‘He put it there.’
‘How?’
She said nothing for a while.
‘Dad locks me in my bedroom during the day on weekdays.’
‘So, is it the weekend now?’
‘It’s Friday.’ And then I clamped my hand over my mouth because I had broken Dad’s rule by answering a question.
‘Or it could be Tuesday,’ I said.
‘It doesn’t matter. I’d never tell him anything you told me. I hope he never punishes you. I’m sorry that he locks you up too.’
I needed to be the boss like Dad said. ‘He doesn’t lock me in a place like this. I have a huge window and I can see the garden and I have books and toys.’
‘Are we near the sea? Sometimes, I think I can hear it?’
Not answering all these questions was hard. I realized that you couldn’t hear the sea from this room. There was lots of torn cardboard nailed to the walls.
‘If you ask me any more questions, I’ll kick you again.’
‘Okay. Do you want to ask me any questions?’
‘No. I want you to be quiet. I don’t want to be in here. I wish I was back in my own room.’
She moved back on to her mattress and groaned loudly.
‘Stop making that noise.’
‘I can’t help it. Being pregnant is painful sometimes. It’s the baby, your brother or sister.’
‘Which is it?’
‘I don’t know.’
