“I’ll catch up,” Teshin told the two other girls.
Mai shrugged and left with Ada.
“I’m going back to my room to unpack,” Rui said, clearing her plates, wondering if Teshin wanted to talk to her in private.
Teshin nodded. “I’ll walk with you for a bit.”
So theydidwant to talk. She had a feeling she knewwhothe topic of conversation would be.
“Are you all healed up?” Teshin asked as they strolled past two cadets practicing their barrier spells in the courtyard.
“Pretty much.” Rui flexed her fingers. “My joints feel a little stiff, but I haven’t had trouble channeling magic.”
“That’s great. I heard you got preselected for the Captain track too. Congrats—the Guild would be shortsighted not to accept our best.”
The rock in the pit of Rui’s stomach grew heavier. How long could she keep lying to her friends about what had happened with Zizi and Ten inthe tunnels that day? How long was she supposed to stay quiet about the existence of Hybrid Revenants?Teshinknew about the monsters; did they not feel guilty for hiding the truth?
She sighed loudly. “How do you do it? How do you carry on taking orders like everything’s normal? How do you not want to scream at the top of your lungs?”
Teshin blinked at the gloomy midwinter sky, their expression indecipherable. It took a moment for Rui to sense the agitation under their stoic facade.
“Youdowant to scream at the world,” she said. “You’ve just been holding it in.”Like me.
Teshin’s shoulders lifted, then sagged. “I’m coping the best way I know how, by using my skills to help win the fight. You’re having second thoughts about the Guild, aren’t you? You’re wondering if it’s right to keep hiding the truth about the Hybrids. I am too. But at the end of the day, it’s not about us, Rui. Maybe what we need to do is to join the Guild and change things from the inside.”
Teshin’s words reminded Rui of Surin. The young Captain had taken Rui under her wing and given her some advice.
This isn’t about you....This is about the bigger picture. The fight’s not over yet....Don’t waste your chance. Don’t let the lives that were lost be meaningless.
“Can I hug you?” Rui said abruptly, knowing that Teshin preferred to be asked about such things. She didn’t normally hug people either, but the touch-starved hole inside her had grown enormous.
Teshin nodded. “You’re fine. And thank you.”
“Thankyou,” Rui said, giving them a quick squeeze. “I feel a little better knowing I’m not the only one struggling with this. So... what did you actually want to talk to me about?”
Teshin smiled. “You’re as observant as always, which means you know I’m worried about Yiran.”
“Did something happen?”
“I don’t know, and that’s the problem,” Teshin said, their cool demeanor cracking slightly. “He started ignoring my calls and texts a week after the Outram incident. I thought we’d never talk or see each other again. But I ran into him a few days ago at a gaming café, and he came right up to me to say hi, like everything’s fine. But I could tell he was only pretending. I could sense he’s changed... that he’s changing.”
“Maybe he’s just adjusting to normie life again,” Rui suggested. But she was doubtful; Teshin was good at reading people.
“That’s not it. It’s something else. He’s become...” Teshin trailed off, picking at the black nail polish on their fingertips. “I think Eddy’s death did something to Yiran. I think it broke something in him.”
Rui’s throat went dry. Eddy had been an apprentice in the Guild’s tech department, and he’d been viciously murdered by Hybrids during a mission Yiran was a part of. “Having someone die in front of you is a lot,” she said quietly, “especially when you blame yourself for it.”
Teshin looked miserable. “I’m afraid I can’t reach him now. I’m afraid he’s lost.”
Rui thought she saw something else in their eyes. Something beyond mere concern, and she wondered how much Song Yiran meant to them, and if they understood it themself.
“I think you should talk to him,” Teshin said. “He might listen to you.”
“No, he won’t.” Mai’s photograph flashed in Rui’s mind, and she turned her head quickly, hiding her own distress from Teshin.
“He asked about you. Wanted to know how you were doing.”
“He asked aboutme? But he—” Rui bit down hard on her lip.But he hates me. He said he regrets meeting me. And that he never wants to see me ever again.
