She closed her eyes, listening to the sound of the sea for a few long moments. When she opened them again, Yiran was next to her on the bench. Long legs stretched out, he gazed at the water, his lips an angry line. But the lapping waves seemed to soothe him the way they soothed her. The angles of his shoulders softened and his expression turned meditative.
Rui felt a palpable link between them. A kind of weird emotional connection. Like she could feel what he was feeling. It was awful and she hated it. She had felt his frustration when they sparred, his terror when the program switched and the Revenants came after him. She didn’t know if it was because they’d shared a near-death experience together, or because his body contained something of hers. But it was there, undeniably so.
She was afraid he might feel it too.
“Okay,” she finally said. “You may speak.”
Yiran exhaled through his mouth. “I know it’s awkward to see me in school and in your class. Don’t worry, I’ll stay out of your way.” Lines rippled between his brows. “I know you hate me.”
“Hateis a strong word.An intense repulsive feeling of dislikewould be a more accurate description,” she said. “But it was too troublesome to say in that moment, so I stuck withhate.”
Yiran’s mouth formed something between a smile and a grimace.
Rui looked away, picking at the raw skin around her thumbnail. “I’m sorry,” she mumbled.
“For what?”
“For getting you involved in this mess. I’m sorry I didn’t give you achoice when I cast that spell. I’m sorry I planted a time bomb inside you.” It was a relief to say it out loud. She hadn’t asked him before she held his hand and changed both their lives forever. Her guilt had festered, and she wanted to heal the rot. “You should be the one hating me.”
“Why would I hate you?”
“Because you could d—”
“I don’t hate you, Rui—I could never hate you.” Yiran spoke quickly, like he was afraid if he took a breath, the words would never come out. “I never knew my father, and I can’t say I know much about my mother either. I think she loved him, but they couldn’t be together. When I was six, she brought me to Song Mansion. I never saw her again. I found out who my father was that day—some great Exorcist who died protecting the city. It’s weird, sharing your father with the world. It’s like everyone knows him, or they claim to, anyway. I know who he wassupposedto be, but I don’t know who he really was. I also found out what being a Song meant. Sadly, I didn’t meet expectations, and it’s something I’m reminded of every day.”
Not knowing what to say, Rui fiddled with the tassels of Ada’s scarf.
“You know what else?” Yiran continued. The tips of his ears were pink. “My grandfather was going to send me away. I was supposed to leave my home like some exile. But now, I get to stay because of what you did. You may think you made a mistake, but it’s because of you that I’m still here, that I get to try again. It feels like a second chance, even if it’s just for a while.”
If Rui had her way, she’d snatch her magic back from him right this moment. But as she sat, feeling the churn of emotions flowing from him, she wondered if, just for a few more days, she could let Yiran feel like he was enough.
But it’s not fair. He’s always had everything. You’ve had to fight for your place.She tried to silence that voice, tried not to think about how even if her mother’s murderer were standing in front of her, there’d be nothing she could do now.
“I’m glad your grandfather was happy when you told him the news,” she said, trying hard not to sound bitter.
“Is that what you think happened?” Yiran looked at his shoes, shaking his head. “The old man didn’t care. He seemed upset, like I’d gotten into trouble again. Maybe he’s afraid I’ll embarrass him even more if I suck at this school.”
The boy next to her wasn’t the Song Yiran who had charmed her schoolmates, but the other boy, the poor little rich one Ada saw. The one who had so little to lose that he would throw his life away so easily.
Everyone dies sooner or later.
His smile had hurt her.
“Your core was burning up earlier, wasn’t it?” Rui put her feet on the bench and drew her knees to her chest. “You didn’t know what to do, and you were scared, and everything spilled out of control.”
“I was afraid,” he admitted quietly. He gave her a strange look, like he knew she was also talking about the young girl she had been four years ago.
The chilly wind returned with a vengeance, and with it, the turquoise sea turned stormy gray. A light drizzle came down, the freezing rain prickling their noses and cheeks.
Rui pulled her coat close.
“You should get out of the rain,” Yiran told her.
Rui nodded. But she made no move to leave.
“I’m getting hungry,” Yiran said. “The barley soup Mai got me was kind of...” He searched for the right word.
“Mealy? Soggy? Bland?” Rui suggested.
