He was gone.
“Let go of me,” Rui said through her teeth.
“Only if you behave yourself.”
“I will.”
Surin released her, and she crumpled in a heap.
The sun shone on Rui’s back, but she was still cold, still hollow inside. She imagined herself in a white room with nothing in it. She didn’t want to care about anything or anyone anymore. Caring brought pain and she had enough of it to last a lifetime.
After what felt like forever, she raised her head.
“When did you know about the Hybrids?”
“About three years ago,” Surin said, “when I was on track to being Captain.”
“How do you sleep at night, doing what you do? Knowing what you know?”
Surin gave her a quizzical look. “How do I sleep? Like a baby full on her mother’s milk.”
Brown skin gleaming in the sun, Surin stretched, confident and collected. This was how Rui had pictured herself in a few years’ time. A Captain. Someone strong and powerful, someone others would depend on and look up to. Once, Rui had thought herself wise beyond her years. Now she knew it was merely youthful hubris. Maybe she wasn’t so sure what she wanted in life. Maybe she wasn’t sure about anything at all.
Rui sank her head into her hands. “All this time I was so sure that Hybrids existed. But now that I know it’s true, why do I feel worse?”
Surin had crouched beside her. Her warm brown eyes were frank and kind. “Because this is how it feels when your elders turn their backs, when institutions fall from grace, when the world moves on even as you’re standing still, when something you believe in turns out to be a lie. Because you’re no longer a child, and you’re realizing the world you live in operates in shades of gray. Sometimes, there isn’t a right or a wrong—there’s onlydoing the best you can in spite of the odds stacked up against you and forgiving yourself when you fall short.”
Rui stared back, uncertain of how to feel.
“I know you’re angry, Rui,” Surin continued. “You feel cheated, you feel wronged, even when you’ve just been proven right. It’s the worst kind of vindication. It feels personal because it makes you question yourself, makes you wonder what you would’ve or could’ve done differently. Your feelings are valid. But this isn’t about you or me or Master Song, or even the Guild. This is about the bigger picture. The fight’s not over yet. I don’t know how you managed to kill that Hybrid when your spirit core is all messed up, but you’re obviously gifted and I respect that.Youcan make a difference. Don’t waste your chance. Don’t let the lives that were lost be meaningless.”
Once, praise and advice from a Captain would have filled her sails. But the wind had changed Rui’s course, left her out in open ocean with no land in sight. She nodded, but she didn’t know if she believed or agreed with Surin’s words.
“On your feet, Cadet Lin.”
Unsteadily, Rui stood.
“You need to move on from whatever’s holding you in the past,” Surin said. “The second-worst thing in life is having regrets.”
“What’s the first?”
Sadness flashed across Surin’s face, and she looked away. “I hope you’ll never find out.”
“Rui!”
Yiran was jogging toward them, a beaten-up-looking Ash following behind.
“Are you all right?” Yiran asked.
She could feel his concern. “I’m okay.” She touched his cheek gently, feeling the ridge of skin. A healer had worked on the burn left by the Hybrid boy, but the wound remained angry and red. “Are you?”
Yiran turned his scarred cheek from her and nodded.
“Where’s my grandfather?” Ash asked Surin.
“The Guild Council is meeting inside. They’re deciding what to do about the mage.”
“Zizi?” Rui said, heartbeat tripping. “What does the Council have to decide? What’s going on?”
