“No.”
The entire table turned to Bernard. The man served as our anchor, the sound of reason as I threatened to kill people, Griffin acted aloof, or Alejandro turned into a nympho. Like me, his job depended on the superherocommunity, but where I could fall back on being a run-of-the-mill paramedic, his entire field focused on heroes. It couldn’t be easy.
“Maybe?” It was the best I could afford him.
“I hope so,” Alejandro chewed through his toast like it was one of his men. “I can’t remember the last time I got laid.”
“You could have sex with normal men?”
He gasped as if I insulted his mother. “Once you’ve had a gang bang with the Duplicator, you can never go back.”
“Is he the one who makes clones?”
Griffin rolled his eyes as if I had made a fool of myself. “You’re thinking of the Multiplier.”
“Wait, I thought the Multiplier was the guy who could grow body parts?” Apparently, I needed to buy myself some superhero flash cards.
“That’s Magnifier,” Bernard said. “Griffin is judging you.”
I eyed Griffin, his eyes burning a hole through my head. There were a lot of things I was good at. I could intubate a patient blindfolded. There wasn’t a vein capable of hiding from my needle. I also knew every household agent to get rid of bodily fluids. However, I was willing to concede, nobody knew heroes better than Griffin. There was a temptation to ask him questions, to jeopardize my alter ego, to access some of his wisdom.
“I finally thanked Aiden.” I decided to avoid sharing my secret identity.
“With your penis?” Alejandro dropped his toast. Pushing the plate aside, he rested his elbows on the table, leaning forward. “I want details.”
“Not like that.” Yes, just like that. I’m sure my cheeks were turning red, revealing my lie.
“Liar,” Bernard said as he took a swig of coffee.
“I mean?—”
“Don’t you even think about lying?” I’m certain Bernard didn’t stop drinking while he spoke.
“The man saved my life. I went to tell him I appreciated it.”
“With. Your. Penis.”
Alejandro dodged a sugar packet I tossed at his head. “I thanked him.” I shoved a piece of bagel in my mouth. “Wifmahpeenas.” Coy wasn’t part of my playbook. But with the three of them staring, I suddenly felt the need to hide. I prayed the Sentient Squid returned and laid waste to the coffee shop.
“¡Es todo, cabrón!.” Alejandro held up his hand as if he deserved a high-five. More than once, we had shared a celebration over a conquest, but this time it didn’t seem appropriate.
“Wait,” Griffin jumped in. “You stayed the night?”
Bernard set down his coffee cup, shaking his head. “Griffin, it wasn’t so long ago you had that look on your face.”
“You mean…” Griffin leaned back in his chair. The newest member of the breakfast club slowly nodded his head. I was about to reach for the underside of the table and flip it.
“You have feelings for Aiden.”
“Feeling in his pants,” Alejandro said. He was prepared to throw up a hand for another high-five, but paused. “None of you are any fun.”
“Let’s not make it a thing,” I begged.
“It’s already a thing,” Griffin replied.
“It’s not.”
Bernard raised an eyebrow. “You’re acting like it's a thing.”
