Lucas and Emmaline popped in. Lucas said, “Dylan tell me you didn’t…” he trailed off when he spotted the statue. Lucas groaned, “Oh dear god it’s true.” Dylan told him, “If you weren’t such a Sleep Tyrant who paid attention to things, then you would’ve noticed them around the house. I gave my Beta brothers, current and former, the chance to get them first. Well, no one at Black Mountain because they are tattletales.”
Emmaline laughed for a minute then said, “Dylan, Eric is going to….” Dylan interrupted, “Yes, yes, we can hear himthundering this way. It’s his own fault. He’s the one who is ascending to God status. He needed a statue.”
Emmaline cleared her throat, “Maybe not that statue. Couldn’t you have made his shorts blue or something? He doesn’t really like pink.” Dylan squealed, “I know that, but my goddess LOVES pink. You just know if she asked him to get into this getup he would.”
Melanie said, “I don’t think that’s going to matter to Eric… at all.” Dylan laughed, “Don’t lie, MelAshley. You knew what the statue was.” Melanie winced, “So… no. I knew you had one… but I didn’t dig for the mock up… or final product… which was obviously a mistake.”
I told her, “This is not your fault.” Dylan said, “He’s right, MelAshley, give yourself a break. You’re practically Big Brother and this is all in good fun. You didn’t look for a mock up, because you’re comparing LSGAP to a normal person’s upset level.”
“You never saw him go nuclear on anyone. Which we blame cookies for apparently. I used to say your dad, but that was wrong. It’s ok, MelAshley. I have unlocked this level of LSGAP for you. Sit back and be amazed at the insane overreaction happening in three, two, one.”
Dad rounded the corner with mom was one step behind him trying to grab his hand. I was positive if my dad’s eyes could blaze, they would be. I saw Blade was actually behind my mom. His eyes were bright and I knew he was looking forward to this showdown.
Dad growled, “WHAT THE FUCK, DYLAN?!” Dylan innocently asked, “Whatever are you referring to, LSGAP?” Dad shouted, “ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME WITH THIS STATUE?” Dylan replied, “I myself think they did a wonderful job with your statue. It looks just like you.”
Oden said, “Thor doesn’t like it.” Shocking. Oden teased, “Sarcasm.” Marshall, Jim, Caleb, and Nick flew into the room,their eyes doubling in size. All my Uncles Betas showed up too and rubbed their temples.
Dad shouted, “A BALL GAG AND A LEASH?!” Dad’s eyes went black. I muttered, “Shit.” Thor growled murderously, “I am not a damn dog! I am an Alpha wolf, and I will not be collared and leashed like some common animal!”
Dylan told him, “That would’ve been an epic line if you said something about being a god. Get it? Because you changed your name to Thor once you met my goddess and you are going to be a god. That was a missed opportunity for you, Thor.”
Melanie bit her lip while tugging on her sleeve. I felt how uncomfortable this made her the bond. I wrapped my arm around her while staring at Dylan in shock. Lucas rubbed his temples and said, “Dylan, let’s go to find my sister.”
Dad took back over from Thor and shouted, “Get rid of them!” Dylan gasped, “Blasphemy! They are amazing and I love them. Do you know how long it took to get this perfected? I went back and forth with the people creating this for months!”
Dad roared, “MONTHS?! YOU HAVE SOLD THESE TO PEOPLE DYLAN! I HAVE ON A LEASH!” Dylan clarified, “So to be clear, you are not upset about the color of the shorts, or the ball gag. It’s the leash that’s your hang up? Darn. One step too far I guess.”
Melanie muttered, “I don’t understand some social cues… and I know it was all bad. From top to bottom… not just the leash.” Blade said, “Is true.” Melanie jumped then asked, “Did I say that out loud?” I answered, “You did, but it’s ok.”
Dad yelled, “ONE STEP!” He threw his hands out and the table, and all the statues, exploded. I felt Melanie’s shock. Only my siblings, mom, select members in our pack, Fairy Family, and Hackura Family knew that dad had gotten the power to do that from my mom.
Mom sighed, “Twenty-three years of keeping that damn secret. It's been a pretty long time so I’m going to call it a win.” I snorted. My siblings were snickering too. Dylan shrieked, “My statutes! How rude, LGSAP. On top of blowing up my statutes, you kept it a secret you can BLOW THINGS UP?”
Dylan lamented, “I can think of several times that would’ve been helpful. You just can’t be helpful all the time, can you? You just have to keep your secrets about your awesome powers. I have to know my wind-up toys features to use them correctly. You are so boring! How are you still this boring after being married to the most fun Fairy of all time!”
Dad grabbed him by the shirt and slammed him into the wall. Dylan calmly said, “Hey now grabby hands, I’m not as tall as you and my feet have left the ground.” Mom put her hand on dad’s back then whispered, “Eric.”
Dad growled, “He sold this statue to god knows how many people!” Dylan said, “So far it’s been three hundred and eighty two. In case anyone was curious. I know the masses must be worried since you blew these ones up, but I have more.”
Oh god. I linked Melanie, “Can you intercept those?” Melanie answered, “If they are in transit, yes… easily. I can totally do that… I could also steal them… if they are here.” I snorted, “Let’s just focus on any in transit.”
Dylan continued, “Don’t you worry, LSGAP. No need to blow anything else up. I might have to think of a new level for your name. You are the literal worst LSGAP.” Dad slammed Dylan back into the wall, growling.
Dylan shouted, “Ow, ow, Lucas! Do something.” Lucas reasoned, “Eric, it’s just a joke.” Dad snarled at him. Marshall said, “Ya know…” Then trailed off before admitting, “I got nothing.” Caleb admitted, “I’m drawing a blank myself.”
Melanie hummed, “Based on my research….only Haley can do anything… right now.” Oden snorted in my head. Mom said,“Eric, let’s go calm the fuck down and we can discuss this later.” Dylan urged, “Yes, go have sex with your awesome fun Fairy for hours and then we talk in your post orgasm bliss. Because that’s what she means when she says calm down.”
“We all know at this point because you guys are so very loud. I bet the whole hotel hears this. Ohhh, can you send a hotel into heat? You’re a super powerful going to be a literal goddess. I will take a Lacy heat please and thank you.” Dad snarled at him again.
I linked him, “Dad, just step away with mom. EJ and I will make sure Dylan doesn’t sell anymore. Melanie is going to stop any in transit to the hotel.” Dad let Dylan go with a warning, “You are not prepared for how I will get you back for this.” Dylan straightened his shirt out.
To my surprise Dylan smiled, “I look forward to it, and will take in the spirit it was intended. Unlike you, because I don’t go nuclear about everything. Plus, someone has to dethrone Lucas with his epic Tinkerbell prank your wife pulled. I decided it should be me that holds that title.”
Mom popped dad away before he could say anything else. Melanie gasped, “That’s why you did it?! You want… the prank Haley will pull… well plural… it will be pranks.” Melanie linked me, “Dylan feels really bad.” I said to Dylan, “I know you have backups, but let’s hold off on those.”
Dylan sighed, “You all just can’t tap into that fun DNA your mom has.” Blade commented, “Duchess right.” Melanie agreed, “I am. Haley will prank Dylan… but that’s what he wanted.” Melanie linked me, “I think he actually feels really bad he didn’t know your dad could blow stuff up and he revealed it.” Probably. It was hardly his fault though, Dylan didn’t know.
Dylan said, “Ahh yes, because her Hackura DNA will be upset. I know my Super Special Fun Sized Fairy Ninja Goddess will get me back. The Beta brain always knows. Can I just say itwill be worth it!” Because Melanie had told me how Dylan was feeling I noted he was missing the joyous infection he usually had from his comment.
