I was drawn back to the present when Xander turned sharply to look at me. I continued, “I started the Resistance to help you and your family… and Jase. A big part of that was out of revenge though… for my family.”
“I know they aren't dead… and they never were, but… I still need to kill Slade. I mean I have a lot of reasons for that. He shot me… so that’s fair. Plus, I saw him shoot my family even though it wasn't real. He killed three people in my house… that I didn’t know.”
“Slade picked me up and put me in a trunk, taking me away from my pack and my family. From you. From everything we were supposed to be. It was so hard to breathe. I NEED to kill him, and I will do… whatever I have to do, to accomplish that.”
“I just wanted you to know that… because… it feels like the kind of thing you tell your mate and husband… I’m pretty sure. I mean… Ok… I don’t exactly know the marriage rules…. I really didn’t think I’d get here so I didn’t focus on it too much.” Xander leaned over and kissed me.
When he pulled back, he said, “Melanie, the first communication we had from the Resistance said you all wanted revenge. I do know that you want to kill Slade. I won’t lie and say I like it. I don’t but I do understand.”
“Even though what Slade actually did changed from him killing your family to letting you believe he did; the result wasyou were lied to, and he was part of it. That man put you through mental and physical agony.”
“I’ll do my best to help you get to him. In truth, I would like to rip Slade’s heart out myself. He took you from the loving home you had and took the chance of us meeting out of the equation. I want that man dead, but I know you need it more.” I nodded.
Xander asked, “How did you know all the questions I asked about the Resistance? You answered every single question I put out there, but Micah found nothing from any of our sources to indicate they had reached the Resistance.” I flushed.
Xander smirked, “You hacked me a long time ago, didn’t you?” I nodded, “Yes. I knew what questions you had asked everyone… and it felt like… me answering gave us a relationship… that I really wanted… where you understood I’d answer you… but only you… because we are mates.”
Xander leaned over and kissed me. He said, “Thank you for telling me about Slade. Just try not to do anything reckless.” I sighed, “I don’t like that word. People say that about my actions when really, I run calculations… and statistical probabilities of success in my head.”
I continued, “I don’t do things that don’t have a specific percentage of success to them. I know what I’m capable of and I’m honest with myself. Sometimes I don’t have a choice with my actions but… I’m pretty sure… I see things sometimes and….”
Xander asked, “Come again?” I explained, “I get these visions. They aren’t super helpful…. or clear really… but I saw the fight in Blue Moon before it happened. I never saw whose growl shook the trees… I was always thrown back before I could see who it was.”
“I saw K and me going to save Blaise and Tenley. I just couldn’t see who was taken. So, I see things that like… aren’t exactly helpful… or even kind of helpful, really. It’s actuallymoderately annoying when you think about it. Why have this thing where you see something, but you don’t know what it is?”
Xander tilted his head, “Well, now that you know they are real we can talk about them.” I sighed, “In that… vein of thinking… I’ve had another one.” Freya warned, “He won’t like this.” I replied to my wolf, “I do know that.” Basic logic told me he wouldn’t.
Xander asked, “What is it?” My mate was already tense. I sighed, “Someone is going to get in a situation with bad people… I mean a person in the Resistance. Said person is surrounded by Vampires. There are other people in the room… the room seems pretty crowded. Music cuts in… which means we are coming for them.”
Xander frowned asking, “Who do you think gets caught?” I sighed, “I’m not sure that anyone gets caught. I can’t see the person in the room.” Xander frowned, “Ok, but you said….” I groaned interrupting, “I don’t have any missions coming up where someone could get caught, really. I think… I think I set a trap. Someone could get caught though. I just don’t think that’s really what’s going on.”
Xander turned to face me and studied me as if he could see my soul. My mate gritted his teeth, “You think it’s you.” I nodded, “Yes… given I’m the only person I’d send into a trap.” Xander growled and pulled me to him.
Xander told me, “I’m not going to hold you back. Just do NOT walk into a trap if I don’t know about it. I’m an Alpha and can easily order someone else to go into it.” I studied him before agreeing, “That’s fair.” If he was going to walk into a trap, I’d want to know.
I said, “I can’t promise a significant amount of time heads up, but I won’t hand myself over without you knowing… that’s what is happening.” Voicemails… and texts obviously counted. Freya snorted in my head. Xander growled and claimed my lips beforehe put his forehead on mine. My husband said, “You have no idea how hard that will be for me.”
I put my hands on the side of his face whispering, “I know… you’re an Alpha. Perceiving your mate to be in danger makes you want to lock me away and hide me.” Xander nodded, admitting, “Yes, it does.” I told him, “I really do run calculations… the time you might want me to pause longer, is if Slade is involved.”
“Which I probably am not capable of doing at this point… because he’s literally… on what my friends call a murder board… but it’s a plot board… with people we take out… and he’s at the center. It’s just that I’ve been trying to get at him for years. He’s who I want dead, and I’m not positive I would act rationally if he’s involved.”
Xander kissed me before vowing, “I will be your anchor, Lovebug. We will get Slade; I promise you that.” My eyes widened because that was something he couldn’t just say. He had Fairy blood, he meant we’d get Slade no matter what now.
Xander said, “I will not break that promise to you, I can’t. So, if I tell you to pause, you know that I’m saying something that is true. If I’m saying it, we need to pause for a reason. I will help you get him, I swear.”
I nodded, “Ok. I just need him to suffer for what he did… unless something comes up where I have to kill him right away. Slade was the domino that started this all. I know it wasn’t his plan, but he enacted it. That man came into my childhood home.”
Tears fell as I continued, “Slade ripped at the foundation of me and my family. It might not be completely rational, but it was his fault to me. He was the reason Jase hated me in my mind… my pack… the people I thought of as family.”
“Now that I know they aren’t dead… Slade is the reason my family is still hurting. The pack is hurting now because of this. The Kyle’s, McAlister’s, Richards’, and all the other families arewounded from this. Slade’s actions and my inability to move past them hurts them. I see that it kills them. I hate that.”
Xander gently said, “Hey, that’s not true at all, it’s not your fault. You’re working through your feelings. I wish you could just snap your fingers and have it all be better because I know how much this hurts you; but you can’t. You’re trying and your family sees that.”
I snorted, “Am I? I push off talking to them all the time… after we make progress. It’s literally like we make progress, to take steps back… because I’m awkward and weird. It’s all I wanted for so long, and now… I can have it. I can talk to them whenever I want, but I constantly find ways not to talk to them. A part of me desperately longs to be that girl for them again… but she’s so gone.”
Xander tilted up my chin arguing, “You are that girl. At your core, you are who you are, Melanie McAlister Conners. You may have some rough edges, but you are and have always been you. Similarly to my mother, you went through fire, and you came out the other side alive. Your family doesn't expect you to be the little girl they knew. They just want the chance to know the woman you have become.”
I shrugged, “It feels like they want me to be that same fourteen year old girl they knew.” Xander smiled, “They may be finding it hard to believe you have grown up, but they are adjusting. You all are. Your reality was obviously a harsh slap in the face, but they all feel guilty about your circumstances.”
