“If you mustbe upset with someone, be upset with me,” Aureus said, crossing the room.“I believed there would be deliveries, and that you would enjoy the outing.”
Last fall, I delivered orders myself, resulting in more than one displeased man rapping at our shop door and causing a scene. After that, I was only to deliver while in the company of a man. One of two men accompanied me, my brother or …
“Aureus,” I hissed.
He opened the door. “Good morning, Ruairc.”
Dammit.
I skirted the counter, making a line to the back room, but I was too slow. Ruairc called a greeting, stopping my retreat. I gritted my teeth and pulled my cloak closed in the front to conceal my slip.
“I’ve come to take you for your deliveries,” Ruairc announced as I turned to him. His honey-brown eyes were full of warmth.
“I appreciate that, but we don’t have any deliveries today,” I said, forcing out the words.
“A picnic, then?”
Internally, I groaned. “That sounds lovely, but I must go to the stables and groom our mare. Her winter coat is shedding, and I don’t want her to be uncomfortable.”
“You spoil that mare,” my brother said.
I rolled my eyes, and he shot me a pointed look. Right, ladies didn’t roll their eyes either.
“I’m going,”I said to Aureus.
“I will accompany you, then,” Ruairc chimed in, his smile easy and honest. He was either oblivious to my denial of wanting to spend time with him or feigning daft for the chance to be alone with me. When we were children, I’d enjoyed his company, climbing trees and racing through the woods; back when he would sooner kiss a toad than consider putting his lips to mine.Things had changed.
I suppressed a sigh.“I’ll go dress.”
The stable smelledof horses and dried fodder and dust. It was wonderful.
Though it would be better without the cobbler’s voice following after me.
Friendly nickers greeted us as we entered, and Ruairc halted in whatever he was going on about when a black stallion brought his head over a stable door and snorted a welcome. Ruairc offered a hand to the animal and stroked the side of his face.
Leaving the two, I made for the back wall where tack and brushes were stored. They were communal items, free for us to use as long as we cared for and returned them.Our family couldn’t afford a stall, so Sorrel was in the pasture.
“I need to grab a brush,” I called over my shoulder.
I selected one, then grabbed a second, deciding Ruairc could make himself useful if he was intent on following me around.Turning back, I stumbled and tripped into him standing directly behind me.
Ruairc caught me, and I stiffened in his arms. “Are you alright?”
“I’m fine,”I said sharply, gaining my feet and removing his arms from my waist.
His easy smile faded, and a muscle at his jaw twitched. I handed him one of the brushes and shouldered past him. He’d planned my future without considering my thoughts; I wouldn’t feel guilty for my cold demeanor.
Ruairc walked beside me to the paddock, unusually quiet. Sorrel trotted over, nickering and tossing her head as she pranced. She was a beautiful mare, her patchy, shedding coat notwithstanding.She lowered her head when she reached us and nuzzled against my chest. I patted her neck, then stroked down the side of her face. Her thick winter hair came out in chunks between my fingers.
In the warm rays of late dawn, we brushed in silence for some time. The discomfort of the quiet was tangible, but it was better than speaking. Through hooded lashes, I glanced over Sorrel’s back to study the cobbler. If he’d asked for my hand directly, rather than asking my brother, would it have changed things?
In a sense, I loved him, or at least I had at one time. In childhood, we’d been nearly as close as Aureus and I were. Though I was unsure if I could ever bring myself to desire him, if he’d come to me personally, I could have at least given his proposal consideration. It was the fact that he’d gone to my brother and never asked what I wanted that upset me the most. I saw it for what it was—a hint at what being his wife would be like. I’d belong to him, and he would make all my decisions for me. I would keep his home, tend his needs, and bear him children. I’d never be able to practice healing again. Though I knew his intentions were good and that he would never mistreat me, marrying Ruairc would stifle my soul.
“I’m trying,” Ruairc said, catching my eyes. He stopped brushing. “What happened between us? Don’t you remember how it was when we were young?”
I brushed along Sorrel’s neck, dislodging thick clumps of fur. Her silky spring coat beneath promised the change of seasons would be upon us soon. “I grew up. We both did.”
Ruairc’s hand rested on mine at the top of Sorrel’s back, stilling my movements, and I fought the urge to pull from his touch.
