The wagon rattledas we crossed over a bridge leading into town. It was late afternoon, and a chill hung in the air. I drew my hands into my cloak. The arm warmers at my wrists did little to trap heat, and my fingerstingled with numbness.
“We should talk about what happened at the festival,” Aureus said, breaking the quiet.
I let out a breath, and it fogged, dampening my nose. When I’d returned to the wagon after leaving the courtyard, I’d been visibly on edge, fidgety, and had avoided Aureus’s questioning of where I’d been.
“There’s nothing to talk about,” I told my brother, dismissing the conversation. I toyed absentmindedly with the peridot stone of my necklace. It was something I’d done since I was a child. The smooth stone comforted me.
Aureus sighed, and I watched him from my periphery. With one hand on the reins, he raised the other to rub at his temples. It was something he did when I worried him, which I did often.
I sighed. “I was with a man.”
Aureus clenched his jaw and tightened his grip on the reins until his fist went white.
Irritation trickled in. Though Aureus knew I was not a virgin, his silent judgment was more irritating than a lecture. Of course, I could not tell him what transpired after the intimacy Neirin and I shared. That was something I could never tell a soul. Soon, word would come of the King’s death. It was miraculous, really, how quiet the festival was kept.
“A castle guard,” I added, putting kindling to the flame for no reason other than my own sharpness. “I don’t regret it.”
“I didn’t ask if you regretted it,” Aureus pointed out, keeping his voice level. “You brought that up on your own, Evera.”
Clenching my fists, I set my gaze forward and locked my jaw. He had brought the subject up to push me, and now he chose to pretend he didn’t care. To what avail? To disparage me? Tension hummed between us.
Once in town, the ride became smoother.The roads were better maintained. I turned my head away, watching but not really taking in the town as it settled in for the evening. In windows, candlelight flickered, and cast shadows on curtains. A few children chased after each other, laughing, utterly oblivious to the weights of adulthood.
The road ended, and Aureus steered Sorrel to the right and past the stables. When we reached the market square, he navigated the wagon to the front of our shop and pulled back on the reins. The supplies in the back shifted, and the old wagon wheels groaned.
Across the way, the door to the cobbler’s shop opened, and Ruairc emerged into the fading light of dusk. He skirted the central well and headed pointedly toward us, his smile beaming and his cheeks faintly ruddy. I groaned.
Aureus leaned in to me. “You will be kind to him.”
My pounding heart told me this was all too much. I desperately wanted a moment to myself. Instead, each and everypossible thorn came forward to catch at my skirts and scratch at my skin.
When Ruairc approached, Sorrel lowered her head to him. He ran a hand down the bridge of her nose and patted her neck. The mare nickered her affections.
“I’m glad to see you back,” Ruairc said, raising his eyes and holding my gaze. The depth of soulful longing in them was not lost on me.
“It’s been a long ride,” I said flatly. Aureus nudged me discreetly, and I set my jaw. Forcing a smile, I offered my hand for Ruairc to take. “While I would love to converse”—a lie with a pointed inflection—“Ineed tomake some tea.”
Aureus coughed his surprise beside me, and a seed of satisfaction took root.
Ruairc, oblivious to the implication, took my hand to help me down from the wagon. “Of course, you must find ways to keep warm. Spring is reluctant this year.”
It was bitter and petty, but his response amused me.
“Oh, yes,” I agreed with feigned innocence, stepping down from the wagon. His hand was warm and slightly calloused. “I’ve been finding ways to keep warm.”
Behind me, Aureus spluttered, and Ruairc shot him a confused glance before turning back to me.
“I’m glad to hear it.” Ruairc’s smile was genuine and caring, and I almost felt a pang of guilt. Almost. He was kind, passively attractive, even, with his finger length golden blond hair and rugged beard. His eyes were a warm honey-brown, and his arms were muscled.I could do worse.
Still, I would not so easily be swooned. If I were to be married off, I would make it difficult for anyone involved. I would not conform without resentment toward those who thought my body, my soul, was something to be bartered.
A familiar sound drew my attention, and I peered around Ruairc to the door of our shop, where my friend Farren stood. The copper bell quieted as it stilled, and when Farren called a greeting, I waved, grateful for the excuse to leave Ruairc’s side.
I went to her, and she pulled me into an embrace. She smelled of fresh bread, as she always did. The familiarity and warmth of her softened me and eased the turbulence of my shifting moods. I just needed time away from Aureus, away from Ruairc, away from men in general. Perhaps time with my dearest friend would, in truth, be better for me than hiding away in my room. Farren smiled, and I returned the gesture.
“You are one of the first back,” Farren said, her voice melodious. If I was broken and cynical, she was the epitome of bashful innocence and lighthearted warmth. She balanced me, and I loved her for it.
“Aureus did not want to travel through the pass in the dark, so we left a little ahead of the others.”And my nervous energy put him on edge.
