“No, you are wrong—” The weight of my own head was nearly unbearable. My arms, too, had become leaden. I gasped to fill my lungs with air. Falling forward, I watched the floor grow closer until my head struck it. I blinked, looking at Calix just as I had at Cyan when he had died. But Calix looked so peaceful. Now that I was close, I could see that. Like he was sleeping. Like when Evera lay with him, stroking his shoulder, humming.
“My family,” I mumbled, the words incoherent even to myself as my ears hummed, as darkness swept over me.
44
EVERA
Whatever misconceptionI’d had that this conversation would go over well was lost to me the moment I walked into the shop to find Ruairc leaning up against the front counter. Aureus’s stern expression told me he suspected something, but that the cobbler had refused to give him the information he sought. Apparently, he’d been in the shop for some time, waiting for me to return home.
“This is truly what you want?” Aureus asked some half an hour later, as he sat in one of the padded chairs in Leighis’s study. He leaned forward with one arm resting on his knee and the other hand smoothing the creases at his brows.
“It is,” I said, keeping my voice steady. The explanation had taken the breath out of me, leaving me burdened by the guilt of the lies I’d given with little effort. I wished it were different, that I didn’t need to deceive Aureus, but keeping the entirety of the truth from him in this situation was a kindness to him. Whether Neirin had received word from Nox that he’d been pardoned or that his brother had refused to read his letter, we would be returning to the capital. Neirin could not stand by while his brother’s life was in peril. I could empathize with that; I would do the same for Aureus. As far as my brother knew, everythingwould go as planned, and we needed only to walk into the castle, speak with Harlan, and Neirin would regain access to his funds and clear his name so that we could live an honest life together.
“This is not just due to the magic, the bond? You truly love him?” Aureus asked.
“I do,” I said. That, at least, was the full truth.
Ruairc, who’d taken it upon himself to linger, held my gaze, aware of the faulty facts I’d laced my story with.
There was an uncomfortable quiet, then Ruairc pushed off the railing and stood beside me, taking my sack from the table and adjusting it over his shoulder. “I will still escort her to and from the castle to ensure there are no run-ins with thieves through the pass.”
I had suspected Ruairc would volunteer to come along, and had dreaded it when I first arrived at the shop. I had no desire to embrace the discomfort of traveling with two men who both desired my heart. But I found myself with nothing to say. I should have dissuaded him, yet the way he stood at my side despite the situation I’d put him in, despite my heart belonging to another, caused me to hold my tongue. Could I do the same? Support someone I loved after they’d chosen another? I looked up at him, expression soft, and turned the corners of my lips up in a subtle smile.Thank you.
He nodded, returning my expression.
Aureus sighed. “There is no talking you out of this?”
“No.”
My brother tapped his fingers on the armrest, casting his gaze away from us. His worry, his lack of ability to protect me himself, set his forehead with wrinkles. After a moment, he turned his attention to Ruairc. “You will ensure her safety?”
“I will.” Ruairc’s response came without hesitation. And while I didn’t particularly like the concept of Aureusallowingme to go because I was being escorted, I held my tongue. AndRuairc, I knew, was only trying to keep tensions from mounting. He was trying to help.
“Why?” Aureus addressed his friend.
“I no longer aim to court her, but that does not nullify the promise I made to you. I will stand by her, protect her.” Ruairc placed a hand on my shoulder, the gesture friendly, and smiled at me. “If she will allow it.”
If she will allow it.I offered him a smile to show my gratitude for his gesture, for letting the decision be my own, and not making it for me. “You can come with us. Thank you, Ruairc.”
His beaming grin sent me back to the days when Ruairc and I had played as children, oblivious to the matters of adults—of desires, commitments, and obligations. He hadn’t been courting me. He’d been my friend.
As Ruairc spoke with my brother, disclosing our timeline and the simpler details, most—if not all of which were lies, I gathered the items I would need. Basic necessities—skins of water, bread, miscellaneous other snacks for the road, along with a blanket rolled tight to conserve space, and a spare cloak to conceal Neirin’s silver hair if it rained or the charcoal washed away for some other reason.
On a last thought, I gathered three vials of the sleeping tincture I’d used on Calix before.
Kissing the crown of Leighis’s head and hugging Aureus, I took one last glance over the study, over my home. This was not goodbye, only farewell for now.
“Are you ready?” Ruairc asked.
“Yes,” I said, “I’ve got all I need.”
Anticipation coursed through my veins,each passing moment increasing my worry. It had been too long. Neirin should have been at the stables by now with Calix.
“What is keeping them?” I asked, needing to air the words.
“It could be anything, Evera.” Ruairc adjusted the straps on his mount’s saddle.
I patted Sorrel’s neck. Taking the wagon would cause suspicion, but Aureus was out with Farren, and that would give us time, at least, to get out of town. By the time my brother noticed it was missing, we would be gone. It was an inconvenience to travel in such a way, but it was the only plan I had. In the back with Calix, half-covered by a quilt, we could pass Neirin’s fox off as a dog. As long as his tail was hidden, it wasn’t such a stretch.
