Zan’s gaze searches mine. “You don’t believe that.”
No, I don’t.
But the problem isn’t whether they can kill me, or I can kill them.
It’s only twenty priests—on my own, even tired, I can take them.
The problem is that if I don’t defuse this now, next time it might be a hundred priests.
Next time, they might turn Crystal Hollow against me.
Next time, they might find Teren.
Next time, there might be nowhere safe for any sage.
No pressure.
“It worked before,” I tell Zan with zero conviction. “And I think it’s worth trying to not murder everyone indiscriminately. That’s what they wanted from me, after all.”
“It’s not murder if it’s self-defense!”
“And it’s only self-defense if they’re actually here to hurt me,” I point out. Then, softer, “I don’t know how I want to handle them yet, but I need to know what they want from me. I need more information so I can decide how to move, remember?”
Maybe if I think about this as information-gathering, I won’t psych myself out.
Because while keeping priests from knowing what I’m capable of, keeping them from getting angry at me,isamong my skill set...
Defusing combat situations rather than resolving them with violence is very much not.
But echoing his own logic only pisses Zan off.
“And if what they want is to take you with them?” he demands. “They’ll say they need your help to make things right, or that you can do so much good with them, or you can make changes from within, or you can help their sages—”
I take his hand, and the warmth of our connection stops the flow of words.
He’s not angry with me. I know what that looks like.
This is a first in my life, but I still recognize that he’sscaredfor me.
So am I.
“I’m not leaving you,” I tell him. “No matter what. The first thing I woke up to was them trying tokillyou, Zan. I know perfectly well that I can’t trust them.”
Zan still looks worried. “You don’t know how manipulative the Order in its current form can be.”
I want to say that I grew up with their manipulation so I am well-suited to spotting it, but he’s right—this isn’t the same Order, not exactly.
And having been manipulated my whole life may also mean that there are still aspects of it I haven’t untangled yet and could be susceptible to.
But Iamon my guard.
“You know I have to try,” I tell him. “You can feel what I can, can’t you?”
Because as they approach and my sense of them is stronger, I can feel something else. A power stronger than any priest.
And that means they have a sage with them.
“The sage will be able to sense me here anyway,” Zan points out with a growl. “If you’re going to insist on going out there, you’re not going without me.”
