Perhaps I was pulling energy simply from being in his company.
That seems like a weird thing to say to a person I’ve only known for like a day, though?
Another yawn catches me, and Zan’s lips quirk as I scowl in vague irritation. “Want to try making ice cream tomorrow?”
At that, I smile for real, if tiredly. “I’d love that.”
Sleepingiseasiersaidthan done.
“My” room is... soft, is the thing.
And while I may deserve softness, I’ve spent the last five hundred years on cold, unforgiving stone, and I’m paradoxically not comfortable here now.
I try the bed. I really do. But it’s like sinking into a pillow and triggers a weird panic in me, like the softness will swallow me and I’ll never be able to escape.
I try to breathe through it, but I am stiff and tense and now my body is locked in a contorted position and I can tell I won’t be able to move well tomorrow if I stay like this.
I get up and do a calming kata to restore my equilibrium, to work the tension and panic out of me.
Looser, I try the bed again, and instantly it’s the same.
My eyes flare with frustration. I just want tosleep,so tomorrow I can makeice creamwithZan,and there is a bedright here.How am I too picky for it after centuries of stone?
As I perform another kata, I wonder if maybe the problem is that it doesn’t feel like mine.
The temple may have been my prison, as Zan judged it, but it’s one I chose.
This room, I didn’t.
I would probably be more comfortable going back to the temple.
But that would be giving up, surely? Returning to my prison of my own volition—to the world that others decided was what—wasall—that I deserved.
But simply sleeping shouldn’t be this hard.
Frustrated, exhausted, I sit down on the floor and pat it.
Firm. Okay. Maybe baby steps.
Moving at all is better than not moving, right?
I drag a blanket off the bed and put it on the ground. There. That will be my concession.
I lie down again and after a few minutes of holding myself still I want to cry.
It’s not working.
I don’t have a kata for this. Sleeping has never been a problem for me before. Whynow?
Do I not remember how? Will I have to physically or magically knock myself unconscious whenever I need sleep?
I get up and try putting a blanket over me. After a few minutes I kick it off—too constricting—but now I’m cold.
And so tired I can’t think well enough to try to develop a new kata for myself.
Am I going to have to energize myself first?
I bang my fists on the floor in helpless frustration. I just want to sleep!
