He thinks if we mate, Iwon’tleave him?
That’s the opposite of the problem I thought he was worried about, but it abruptly occurs to me that after five hundred years, Zan probably has no idea how to cope with the idea of permanence.
Nothing in his life has prepared him for the idea that someone might want to keep him, that he could even have that.
No wonder he’s so squirrelly about me.
He can’t quite believe I’m real.
I take a breath. Okay.
I don’t need further consideration where he’s concerned.
But ifheneeds time to believeme, I can give him that.
“You think that I’ll have your lifespan, rather than you having mine?” I ask.
Zan nods, relaxing a little when I don’t immediately push him.
Since I know he can deal with all the fight I have in me, that also makes me realize I’ve pushed him as far as he can handle right now.
“Yes,” Zan says. “I have too much magic. Even if half of it flooded into you, I’d still be immortal. But given how much magic you already have—”
Oh, now I see what he meant earlier. “I might already be immortal anyway.”
Zan nods. “The power you unleashed, not to create the Quiet, but tomaintainit—I think it changed you. Or rather, I think you changed yourself. I’ve never heard of another sage in all of history who was able to meditate for more than a few years, and Ilooked, Yora. I looked for any scrap that might give me hope that my mistake might not be permanent, and I never found any. Not until you woke up.”
“Zan...”
“Yora, listen to me.” His arms tighten. “This life is effectively all new to you. I don’t want you to mate me out of any misplaced sense of obligation. If you’re sure, then we don’t need to rush. We have time. The... intention between us, that’s strong enough to anchor me.”
“You say that now, but you thought before—”
“Now I don’t have any reason not to tell you if something changes.”
I narrow my eyes. “Unless you don’t want me to feel obligated to do something about it, even if I would be happy to!” Then I sigh. “I admit I don’t love the idea that you don’t have a choice of partner, though. Like I am definitely choosing you, but for you, I’ve been your only choice? What if I’m not enough for you?”
Zan leans his head back with a frown. “What?”
“You can’t go back to the dragons without children, even if you were willing to, but what if another dragon has been born that you could mate with? You’ve met other dragons in the last five hundred years, but they’ve all been sycophantic kids, right? What if someone has changed since you knew them, or there’s a four hundred-year-old sexy lady dragon you’ve never met?”
Zan stills beneath me. “You... think I want youbecauseyou’re my only option for mating.” He shakes his head. “First of all, it doesn’t work like that. But also please recall that you’ve been effectively in a coma for half a millennium and I didn’t leave you, Yora. Sensing the potential mate bond is what brought me to Kameya in the first place, but it didn’t keep me here.”
“You didn’t leave, but would you have if you’d sensed another mate bond? How far can you even—”
“Itdoesn’t work like that,” Zan repeats fiercely, then shakes his head and adds wryly, “This is not how I expected this conversation to go.”
“You didn’t expect me to ask questions about dragon lore?”
“I didn’t expect to have to convince you that I’m obsessed with you,” Zan growls.
Oh.
I... really want to hear him say that again.
I don’t know what Zan sees on my face, or feels through our fledgling bond, but he snarls and this timehepulls me to him.
This kiss is not like others we’ve shared.
