“I like it. Might taste good with blackberry ice cream.”
“Or you could make an ice cream that uses both.”
Still trying to help other people, even when he thinks he can’t have happiness.
You know what, Iamgoing to keep reaching for joy.
For all of us.
Even if I can’t do it perfectly, it’s better to try.
“Well, if you can’t be truthful with Sunani,” I say slowly to Teren, “maybe I can be. It’s not the same risk for me.”
Zan tenses next to me. “But then you won’t have a chance to live your life free of being a sage,” he says carefully.
“Maybe I don’t want that? Iama sage. Whatever the priests say about that, I’m not ashamed of it. You don’t dislike being a dragon, even if dragon society is bullshit, do you? And you’ve helped figure out who can be trusted to help sages once you know how they’ll cope with a dragon. I can do that too—by seeing how they manage me, with all my wrath, and all my power. Because if it comes to a fight, the priests won’t be able to take me any more than they can take you.”
“They nearly did,” Zan reminds me softly.
“Once, in five hundred years,” I counter. “And I get that it means they’re willing to use different tactics now, but so am I. I’m not going to be the same kind of sage that they made of me. Can I try another bite?”
He shoves the plate at me. “The kind of sage that theytriedto make of you,” Zan says sharply. “Even when you were working with them, your mind was your own.”
I shrug, trying to spear a few things on my fork at the same time.
Not as effective as piling a mountain on a piece of bread, but I’ll make it work.
“I mean, yes, but not completely, right? I think we’re all products of our upbringing to a degree. There are some things Ilearned that I can’t unknow, but I also know that I have more to learn. And I’m going to learn it.
“And maybe I’ll start with how to make a friend on purpose.”
Okay, that was too many flavors at once. I don’t even know what I just tasted.
After a moment, Zan says in a dry tone, “Friends with a shy girl who also struggles with how to talk to people.”
“I’m awkward, she’s awkward, we already have that much in common, right?” I joke as I try more of his salad, careful not to take too much.
He does need nutrition after yesterday, after all.
Because Iamgoing to find a way to keep him.
Unaware of my internal plotting, Zan snorts, but I notice Teren’s amusement is distracted.
“Do you not think I can make friends with Sunani?” I ask him. “Will I be too much for her?” I didn’t think so—from my impression of her, I suspect she has more strength than people give her credit for, but—
“No, it’s not that,” Teren says. “I think it might be hilarious, actually. Sorry, just thinking lots of things at the same time.”
Valid. Not everyone has the benefit of five hundred years of meditation to bolster their revelations.
“Before you learn how to make a friend, though,” Teren says, “you’re learning how to reassure a community that you’re not here to destroy them. Remember?”
Oh. Right. The meeting.
I finish swallowing and sigh. “Destroying the opposition is much simpler.”
It’s too bad I can’t use wrath to solve my social problems—
I pause, even as Zan nudges me in amusement.
